Post by The Ace on Mar 17, 2014 1:14:12 GMT
"I remember when I too was that naive, but that's okay, a match like this makes us all a little naive, only some of you continually mistake your blissful naivety as unbridled confidence, and therefore wish to make a liar out of me. Prove me a liar, go on, I dare you. Throw my undeserving, over-rated worthless ass out of the ring, one of you surely can. One of you undoubtedly must."
It took me several years in this business to realise the truth of my existence. It was a long and winding road, there were many many bumps along the way. Some days whilst I was out on the road, I had no idea where I was going, I only knew where I wanted to be...and today, eleven years later, on this road, I find myself on the verge of changing direction once again.
I started this journey more than a decade ago and I thought then that I would travel the same road with all of you, I thought we were all going to the same place, and I thought we would reach it together, brothers in arms, I thought that somewhere within this business I would find a sense of camaraderie, but among all of you, my peers, I found nothing but contempt, I found nothing but jealousy, I found nothing but hatred and ridicule.
I realise now why I spent so many of my early years in this business declaring myself to be in the place. I came into this business full of hope and optimism, for me the place I was finally in was this place, I looked at the twenty by twenty ring of professional wrestling as THE PLACE to be - the final destination, the big leagues, I thought my journey was at an end when I finally became a professional wrestler, and it is only now as I look at this twenty by twenty ring reflectively through the twenty-twenty vision of hindsight, do I finally realise what it means to be here. Standing in the middle of a professional wrestling ring wasn't the end of my journey.
No, it was only the beginning.
And now as I stand here and look back at just how far down the road I've come, I finally understand why it is that so many of you look down upon me with envious eyes. You choose to look down upon me as some undeserving semi-successful professional wrestler who has been here far too long, eleven years longer than anybody ever expected me to last, and yet here I am, still standing in the middle of my ring, not looking down at you as some legend reluctant to relinquish the spotlight to you, nor so I look up at you as some shining star or deity high above me that I should voluntarily step aside for.
No, I look at you straight in the eye as a simple honest man, I look ahead to the future. Either it will look back at me at High Stakes and push me aside like it deserves to, or you will learn as the match goes on that my dead set glare wasn't looking at you, but through you to my next stop on my journey. Neither you nor I will know which it is until you step up to me and look me dead in the eye.
In this Roulette match, it isn't my job to show any of you why I deserve my place in the ring, no rather it is up to each of you, every single last one of you, to show me why I don't. I've been here for over ten years, I believe I've earned my right to stand here, but I am the only one it seems. Twenty nine of you believe differently, twenty nine of you see me as a target and so it is what I will be.
A target, clearly marked.
The Ace stands firm and points to his heavily padded and taped right knee.
You have twenty nine chances between you to hit the bullseye I have painted on my knee. Twenty nine chances between you to come at me with all of your slings and arrows, and as much as it my job to take them all, it is your job to make each and every shot you take count. That's what this match is all about after all, making your shot count. Each of you only have one and if you do not make the most of it, I will.
I make this promise to each of you knowing full well that I am limping into this match on one good leg. What chance does the one legged man have in this, the ultimate ass kicking contest? I don't know, and you don't know either, but we will find out together....
Jake Conway is sat in what had recently become his home away from home, Katherine Lockheart's place. It was nice, spacious and as a woman who took considerable pride in her health, Jake had taken advantage of the small but adequately furnished fitness room. Jake sat back on her couch, his arms outstretched across the back of it as he sat in simple black shorts and a motorhead tank top, looking a little flushed.
Katherine Lockheart arrived from the kitchen, clutching a bottle of water, which she passed to him. He graciously took it with a nod and she sat beside him. Jake took a hearty swig before he turned to her with a smile.
Jake: Thanks, I needed that...
Katherine: You're welcome. You know I haven't had a man around here since Charlie...I had almost forgotten how nice it could be.
Jake: Charlie? God, now there's a name I haven't heard in what? Almost eight years?
Katherine: Yeah, about that. I remember when we met, it was a real crazy time in my life, I had just moved to the US convinced I wanted to follow in your footsteps, Charlie didn't like that very much, he always was the insanely jealous type, but you made wrestling look so easy.
Jake: Oh man, now I remember. I tried to get you a contract with XHF, didn't I?
Jake laughs and so does Katherine as she shakes her head.
Katherine: Yes, yes you did. God, I don't know what I was thinking...
Jake: I don't think you were, to be honest.
Katherine: No, you're probably right about that.
Jake: If I remember correctly, weren't they trying to bring you in as a team with some other green as grass rookie at the time? What was her name?
Katherine: Angel, believe it or not.
Jake: That's right, Angel, my how times have changed. The Angels we both know nowadays aren't anything as sweet as she was, are they?
Katherine laughs again.
Katherine: No, they're not, and it was quite funny too, they tried to contrive some ridiculous backstory about how I was some devious bitch that looked exactly like one of your exes and how I had a baby I was claiming to be yours to add some drama to the storyline between you and Ruth.
Jake: Oh yes, I remember. I guess the truth that you did look like one of my exes because you were and because your twin sister Claire also was an ex of mine just wasn't good enough for them.
Katherine: I guess not, I guess you weren't man whore enough for the creative team...
Katherine laughs, this time Jake shakes his head.
Jake: Man, I really wasn't in a good place back in those days. My whole life outside the business felt like a huge lie. Ruth and I weren't dating at the time, but in front of the cameras we had to pretend it was all business as usual. That was hard.
Katherine notices a sudden very earnest change in Jake's demeanor.
Katherine: I can only imagine. It was 2006, wasn't that the time you had gone back out on the road after meeting Kathy for the first time?
Jake sighs.
Jake: Yes, yes it was, for whatever reason I could never get her out of my head after the night we spent together. That had never really happened to me before, usually they were easy to forget.
Katherine raised an eyebrow, surprised by Jake's honesty. It hurt her to hear that she had been just a number in his mind, one of countless one nighters, but she was much too proud to let him know her true feelings. She had been hurt by men enough before, now she hid who she was from them, all of them.
Katherine: Well, gee thanks....
Jake suddenly realised what he had just said, he hadn't needed to hide who he was for a while now, he was just being honest. Maybe too honest.
Jake: I didn't mean it like that, Kat...
Katherine: No, no, it's fine. I know what you meant.
Katherine shook her head.
Katherine: At least you're honest, I appreciate that, I really do. Maybe it's exactly what I needed to hear. You really have changed Jake, she really has changed you, hasn't she?
The question went unanswered as Jake took another swig from his water bottle. Perhaps because they both knew the answer.
Katherine: What happened to you, Jake?
Jake leant forward and put the water bottle to the side, buying himself some time to carefully consider his answer this time. What could he tell her? What could he say? That he fell in love with Kathleen in a way he never fell in love with Katherine? That would only hurt her further, that was the one problem with being brutally honest, the truth always hurt people even when that was the last thing you wanted.
Jake: I got sick and tired of feeling lost, of playing a character week in and week out. For the longest time, I felt lost and alone in this business and I was packaged and repackaged repeatedly in this industry as I tried to get myself over. Some of it worked, some of it did not. Some of it was closer to who I always wanted to be, some of it wasn't.
Katherine: The trench coat wearing emo "force of nature"...
Katherine does the finger quotes.
Katherine: ...definitely wasn't you...
Katherine and Jake share a laugh.
Jake: No, that definitely wasn't me. Christ, that was almost as bad as the time they made me steal a puppy because I was obsessed with Dagger.
Katherine: Stealing Puppies: The True Definition Of A Dastardly Heel...
Jake and Katherine laugh again.
Jake: Apparently, that's exactly what they thought.
Katherine: See, that's why I quickly realised I could never do what you do out there, I could never step into the ring every week, because the business so often forces you to be something you're naturally not.
Jake sighed.
Jake: It's true, this business has a wonderful way of taking certain aspects of who you are as a person and exaggerating them, sometimes to the point of absolute absurdity, I just couldn't do it anymore, Kat. So, I told them that this time I want to go out there as myself, no bullshit, no drama, just me being who I am. After eleven years of support from millions of fans around the world, they deserve to see the real me for a change.
Katherine: I guess I can understand that, after all, if you remember, XHF wanted me to come in with Angel's daughter as my own. Clearly, they had very specific ideas of what my character should be, but to be honest, I hated it, I just wanted to come in as myself.
Jake: Yeah, I think I remember, Kimberly right?
Katherine: Yeah, she was as cute as a button, but I just couldn't do it. Especially not when I had a real baby at home, my son, James.
Jake: How is he these days?
Katherine: Oh, he's fine. He loves the fact that you come around as often as you do. I think he misses having a man in his life almost as much as I do, sometimes.
Jake: You know, I've always envied the fact that you were blessed with a son.
Katherine: Ha...that's funny because I've always envied you for having a couple of beautiful little girls.
Jake: Really? Kathy and I haven't been lucky enough to have a son...
Katherine leans forward and puts a hand on Jake's padded knee, sensing that he genuinely missed his wife.
Katherine: Yet...
What she said next hurt her, but she felt it had to be said. She did not want him to go, she could not lie to herself about that, so she lied to him. She tried to convince herself that it was for the best.
Katherine: Go home, Jake. Go home to her and your girls. They deserve to see you.
Jake: You first...
Katherine: Excuse me?
Jake: I'm not the only father who deserves to see his little girl again...
I learned a long time ago that people in this life and in this business find far greater comfort in the white hot little lies they tell each other than they do in the stone cold truth. They would rather be cradled by the hands of falsehood than be cold cocked by the fist of truth. Denial embraces its own whilst honesty often pushes people away.
I have pushed many people away in my life, sometimes even unintentionally, one by one I've seen them all fall away from me at one time or another, all of them, lovers, fiancees, and friends. In the end they all fell away from me, so many names and numbers have tumbled in and out of my life and it would be extraordinarily naive of me to think that I was incapable of doing it all again.
I am only human and that is a natural part of life, whether I like it or not, it doesn't matter. These things happen. Hearts are left broken, and dreams are left unfulfilled. It is an uncomfortable truth, one none of us want to face going into a match like this, but the sad reality is that the truth will hit each of you in this match, some will take it harder than others, some may even try to deny the impact it had on their lives and personal ambitions, and others still will never give it the credit it truly deserves.
This is nothing new.
Some individuals in this business will insist on perpetuating their lies to the masses simply because they are much too stubborn and much too prideful to let the truth make a real man out of them. Few things in life are as naturally anaesthetising to the pain of a truth that you just cannot face as a lie. It is said that the truth is a most bitter pill to swallow, and you need no further proof of that than to wind the clocks back half a week and see for yourself just how stubbornly your former Imperial Champion resisted the truth as it threatened to undo him.
I tried to get Spike Kane to swallow his pride, instead he forced me to swallow mine.
I had no hesitation in saving myself because I realised then that Spike was too far gone, he was beyond saving. Despite my best efforts, I could not save him, so I did the only thing I could, I saved myself. I let him slip away from me, I let him go, I let my friend go on believing whatever it is that he believes, whatever it is that helps him sleep at night, because Lord knows if I had done half the things he has in his career, I wouldn't be able to sleep.
I wouldn't be able to live with the man in the mirror.
We are crooked reflections of each other, I was never more certain of this than I am now. In his mind, he beat me when all my hope was lost, in my mind, he beat me because I went into that match with the mindset that the winner takes all. The one move I adopted from my mentor was the very same move he beat me with a few days ago. If nothing else about us tells you just how different we are in our approaches to this match, look at where we diverge.
One move, one move, it makes all the difference in the world. One move, right or wrong, that's all it ever boils down to, no matter the match. In one move, Spike Kane can show you all hope is lost, and in one move I can show you winner takes all. It is up to you which one of us you choose to believe in.
You can believe all hope is lost if you lose, or you can believe you will take it all if you win.
I know which I choose to believe.
I know which I find greater comfort in.
I know the truth and how much it still hurts no matter what you choose to believe.
I started this journey more than a decade ago and I thought then that I would travel the same road with all of you, I thought we were all going to the same place, and I thought we would reach it together, brothers in arms, I thought that somewhere within this business I would find a sense of camaraderie, but among all of you, my peers, I found nothing but contempt, I found nothing but jealousy, I found nothing but hatred and ridicule.
I realise now why I spent so many of my early years in this business declaring myself to be in the place. I came into this business full of hope and optimism, for me the place I was finally in was this place, I looked at the twenty by twenty ring of professional wrestling as THE PLACE to be - the final destination, the big leagues, I thought my journey was at an end when I finally became a professional wrestler, and it is only now as I look at this twenty by twenty ring reflectively through the twenty-twenty vision of hindsight, do I finally realise what it means to be here. Standing in the middle of a professional wrestling ring wasn't the end of my journey.
No, it was only the beginning.
And now as I stand here and look back at just how far down the road I've come, I finally understand why it is that so many of you look down upon me with envious eyes. You choose to look down upon me as some undeserving semi-successful professional wrestler who has been here far too long, eleven years longer than anybody ever expected me to last, and yet here I am, still standing in the middle of my ring, not looking down at you as some legend reluctant to relinquish the spotlight to you, nor so I look up at you as some shining star or deity high above me that I should voluntarily step aside for.
No, I look at you straight in the eye as a simple honest man, I look ahead to the future. Either it will look back at me at High Stakes and push me aside like it deserves to, or you will learn as the match goes on that my dead set glare wasn't looking at you, but through you to my next stop on my journey. Neither you nor I will know which it is until you step up to me and look me dead in the eye.
In this Roulette match, it isn't my job to show any of you why I deserve my place in the ring, no rather it is up to each of you, every single last one of you, to show me why I don't. I've been here for over ten years, I believe I've earned my right to stand here, but I am the only one it seems. Twenty nine of you believe differently, twenty nine of you see me as a target and so it is what I will be.
A target, clearly marked.
The Ace stands firm and points to his heavily padded and taped right knee.
You have twenty nine chances between you to hit the bullseye I have painted on my knee. Twenty nine chances between you to come at me with all of your slings and arrows, and as much as it my job to take them all, it is your job to make each and every shot you take count. That's what this match is all about after all, making your shot count. Each of you only have one and if you do not make the most of it, I will.
I make this promise to each of you knowing full well that I am limping into this match on one good leg. What chance does the one legged man have in this, the ultimate ass kicking contest? I don't know, and you don't know either, but we will find out together....
Jake Conway is sat in what had recently become his home away from home, Katherine Lockheart's place. It was nice, spacious and as a woman who took considerable pride in her health, Jake had taken advantage of the small but adequately furnished fitness room. Jake sat back on her couch, his arms outstretched across the back of it as he sat in simple black shorts and a motorhead tank top, looking a little flushed.
Katherine Lockheart arrived from the kitchen, clutching a bottle of water, which she passed to him. He graciously took it with a nod and she sat beside him. Jake took a hearty swig before he turned to her with a smile.
Jake: Thanks, I needed that...
Katherine: You're welcome. You know I haven't had a man around here since Charlie...I had almost forgotten how nice it could be.
Jake: Charlie? God, now there's a name I haven't heard in what? Almost eight years?
Katherine: Yeah, about that. I remember when we met, it was a real crazy time in my life, I had just moved to the US convinced I wanted to follow in your footsteps, Charlie didn't like that very much, he always was the insanely jealous type, but you made wrestling look so easy.
Jake: Oh man, now I remember. I tried to get you a contract with XHF, didn't I?
Jake laughs and so does Katherine as she shakes her head.
Katherine: Yes, yes you did. God, I don't know what I was thinking...
Jake: I don't think you were, to be honest.
Katherine: No, you're probably right about that.
Jake: If I remember correctly, weren't they trying to bring you in as a team with some other green as grass rookie at the time? What was her name?
Katherine: Angel, believe it or not.
Jake: That's right, Angel, my how times have changed. The Angels we both know nowadays aren't anything as sweet as she was, are they?
Katherine laughs again.
Katherine: No, they're not, and it was quite funny too, they tried to contrive some ridiculous backstory about how I was some devious bitch that looked exactly like one of your exes and how I had a baby I was claiming to be yours to add some drama to the storyline between you and Ruth.
Jake: Oh yes, I remember. I guess the truth that you did look like one of my exes because you were and because your twin sister Claire also was an ex of mine just wasn't good enough for them.
Katherine: I guess not, I guess you weren't man whore enough for the creative team...
Katherine laughs, this time Jake shakes his head.
Jake: Man, I really wasn't in a good place back in those days. My whole life outside the business felt like a huge lie. Ruth and I weren't dating at the time, but in front of the cameras we had to pretend it was all business as usual. That was hard.
Katherine notices a sudden very earnest change in Jake's demeanor.
Katherine: I can only imagine. It was 2006, wasn't that the time you had gone back out on the road after meeting Kathy for the first time?
Jake sighs.
Jake: Yes, yes it was, for whatever reason I could never get her out of my head after the night we spent together. That had never really happened to me before, usually they were easy to forget.
Katherine raised an eyebrow, surprised by Jake's honesty. It hurt her to hear that she had been just a number in his mind, one of countless one nighters, but she was much too proud to let him know her true feelings. She had been hurt by men enough before, now she hid who she was from them, all of them.
Katherine: Well, gee thanks....
Jake suddenly realised what he had just said, he hadn't needed to hide who he was for a while now, he was just being honest. Maybe too honest.
Jake: I didn't mean it like that, Kat...
Katherine: No, no, it's fine. I know what you meant.
Katherine shook her head.
Katherine: At least you're honest, I appreciate that, I really do. Maybe it's exactly what I needed to hear. You really have changed Jake, she really has changed you, hasn't she?
The question went unanswered as Jake took another swig from his water bottle. Perhaps because they both knew the answer.
Katherine: What happened to you, Jake?
Jake leant forward and put the water bottle to the side, buying himself some time to carefully consider his answer this time. What could he tell her? What could he say? That he fell in love with Kathleen in a way he never fell in love with Katherine? That would only hurt her further, that was the one problem with being brutally honest, the truth always hurt people even when that was the last thing you wanted.
Jake: I got sick and tired of feeling lost, of playing a character week in and week out. For the longest time, I felt lost and alone in this business and I was packaged and repackaged repeatedly in this industry as I tried to get myself over. Some of it worked, some of it did not. Some of it was closer to who I always wanted to be, some of it wasn't.
Katherine: The trench coat wearing emo "force of nature"...
Katherine does the finger quotes.
Katherine: ...definitely wasn't you...
Katherine and Jake share a laugh.
Jake: No, that definitely wasn't me. Christ, that was almost as bad as the time they made me steal a puppy because I was obsessed with Dagger.
Katherine: Stealing Puppies: The True Definition Of A Dastardly Heel...
Jake and Katherine laugh again.
Jake: Apparently, that's exactly what they thought.
Katherine: See, that's why I quickly realised I could never do what you do out there, I could never step into the ring every week, because the business so often forces you to be something you're naturally not.
Jake sighed.
Jake: It's true, this business has a wonderful way of taking certain aspects of who you are as a person and exaggerating them, sometimes to the point of absolute absurdity, I just couldn't do it anymore, Kat. So, I told them that this time I want to go out there as myself, no bullshit, no drama, just me being who I am. After eleven years of support from millions of fans around the world, they deserve to see the real me for a change.
Katherine: I guess I can understand that, after all, if you remember, XHF wanted me to come in with Angel's daughter as my own. Clearly, they had very specific ideas of what my character should be, but to be honest, I hated it, I just wanted to come in as myself.
Jake: Yeah, I think I remember, Kimberly right?
Katherine: Yeah, she was as cute as a button, but I just couldn't do it. Especially not when I had a real baby at home, my son, James.
Jake: How is he these days?
Katherine: Oh, he's fine. He loves the fact that you come around as often as you do. I think he misses having a man in his life almost as much as I do, sometimes.
Jake: You know, I've always envied the fact that you were blessed with a son.
Katherine: Ha...that's funny because I've always envied you for having a couple of beautiful little girls.
Jake: Really? Kathy and I haven't been lucky enough to have a son...
Katherine leans forward and puts a hand on Jake's padded knee, sensing that he genuinely missed his wife.
Katherine: Yet...
What she said next hurt her, but she felt it had to be said. She did not want him to go, she could not lie to herself about that, so she lied to him. She tried to convince herself that it was for the best.
Katherine: Go home, Jake. Go home to her and your girls. They deserve to see you.
Jake: You first...
Katherine: Excuse me?
Jake: I'm not the only father who deserves to see his little girl again...
I learned a long time ago that people in this life and in this business find far greater comfort in the white hot little lies they tell each other than they do in the stone cold truth. They would rather be cradled by the hands of falsehood than be cold cocked by the fist of truth. Denial embraces its own whilst honesty often pushes people away.
I have pushed many people away in my life, sometimes even unintentionally, one by one I've seen them all fall away from me at one time or another, all of them, lovers, fiancees, and friends. In the end they all fell away from me, so many names and numbers have tumbled in and out of my life and it would be extraordinarily naive of me to think that I was incapable of doing it all again.
I am only human and that is a natural part of life, whether I like it or not, it doesn't matter. These things happen. Hearts are left broken, and dreams are left unfulfilled. It is an uncomfortable truth, one none of us want to face going into a match like this, but the sad reality is that the truth will hit each of you in this match, some will take it harder than others, some may even try to deny the impact it had on their lives and personal ambitions, and others still will never give it the credit it truly deserves.
This is nothing new.
Some individuals in this business will insist on perpetuating their lies to the masses simply because they are much too stubborn and much too prideful to let the truth make a real man out of them. Few things in life are as naturally anaesthetising to the pain of a truth that you just cannot face as a lie. It is said that the truth is a most bitter pill to swallow, and you need no further proof of that than to wind the clocks back half a week and see for yourself just how stubbornly your former Imperial Champion resisted the truth as it threatened to undo him.
I tried to get Spike Kane to swallow his pride, instead he forced me to swallow mine.
I had no hesitation in saving myself because I realised then that Spike was too far gone, he was beyond saving. Despite my best efforts, I could not save him, so I did the only thing I could, I saved myself. I let him slip away from me, I let him go, I let my friend go on believing whatever it is that he believes, whatever it is that helps him sleep at night, because Lord knows if I had done half the things he has in his career, I wouldn't be able to sleep.
I wouldn't be able to live with the man in the mirror.
We are crooked reflections of each other, I was never more certain of this than I am now. In his mind, he beat me when all my hope was lost, in my mind, he beat me because I went into that match with the mindset that the winner takes all. The one move I adopted from my mentor was the very same move he beat me with a few days ago. If nothing else about us tells you just how different we are in our approaches to this match, look at where we diverge.
One move, one move, it makes all the difference in the world. One move, right or wrong, that's all it ever boils down to, no matter the match. In one move, Spike Kane can show you all hope is lost, and in one move I can show you winner takes all. It is up to you which one of us you choose to believe in.
You can believe all hope is lost if you lose, or you can believe you will take it all if you win.
I know which I choose to believe.
I know which I find greater comfort in.
I know the truth and how much it still hurts no matter what you choose to believe.
Well howdy there pardner.