Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2014 15:33:11 GMT
{Xander stands in front of the New York City condo that he just recently purchased, he is dressed nicely in a pair of jeans with a button up shirt and sportcoat. His hair is combed nicely and his beard trimmed, he looks nervous as he waits there with a bouquet of roses in his hand. A taxi pulls up and out steps his wife, the lovely Jennifer Famularo. She looks at the building and then back at Xander}
Jenny: Did you want to take a trip down memory lane?
Xander: No, I wanted to show you how serious I am about new beginnings, see, I want to pick up where we left off before my ego got in the way. You have always been a wonderful wife, and I have leaned on your more than a husband should. Here I am though, I was able to get our place back, and this signals the next step.
{Jenny looks happy, the property doesn’t matter to her as much as what it represented for this was the first thing that Xander did to show he was serious about her, showing that he was willing to make concessions by living in the big city, being a man who grew up and spent most of his time in small towns this was a difficult thing for him}
Jenny: Wow, I can’t believe you were able to get it back, but financially is this possible?
{In his head Xander is thinking no chance; he doesn’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it from. His financial nightmare beginning when he was forced from the IWF after putting a stipulation on a match, after being labeled as an arrogant as hell superstar he was unable to find work and has been unemployed since. With that, and several poor financial decisions he has been on the edge of the economic status.}
Xander: Of course it is, I am a professional wrestler back in the winning ways. It is only a matter of time before sponsors line up and the merchandise sales blow the roof off the arena.
{Jenny knows Xander, better than anyone. It is truly something that is understated in relationships. She cocks her head to the side}
Jenny: You can’t lie to me, my brother called me and told me that you were trying to develop a better personality, is this apartment the reason you are trying to make a drastic change.
{Xander just smirks, knowing that his wife figures everything out. Of course, big persona equals big money and Xander isn’t a big persona, he never has been}
Jenny: Look, I have lots of money, we don’t need two big personalities in this relationship. You need to swallow your pride, stop worrying about taking care of me and just go out there and do what you do. If you force some sort of emotional archetype into yourself, then you are going to be forcing it, and when you force it you are truly horrible to listen to.
{Xander’s mouth falls agape}
Xander: Ouch, when have I ever forced it?
Jenny: Hatebreeder…
Xander: I told you never to mention that again.
{He smiles at her, she looks into his eyes and they share a love, it is obvious in their interactions}
Jenny: Well, I guess we should go break that apartment in.
Xander: I haven’t been able to afford a bed yet.
Jenny: Who needs a bed?
{She grabs his arms and pulls him towards the building as the scene fades}
Maybe I have been looking at this incorrectly all along, perhaps this whole “finding myself” situation is an exercise in futility. I mean, honestly maybe everyone else is being genuine while they talk.
Perhaps Sephiroth really is an ancient vampire from yester yore, who just happens to be the biggest and most pansiest vampire of all time, you know, if he is invincible and all how does he get pinned?
Perhaps KLB really is a complete and total psychopath who can’t take himself out of his own world long enough to notice that things exist without him each and every day.
Perhaps Angel truly is the most despicable and horrible human being in the world and maybe he really wants to kill his opponents as he always says.
Perhaps Jimmy Zane truly is a self-loathing whiney baby who feels the need to scream at random times.
Maybe Gjenrai is really a, Jesus I don’t even know.
I mean, my Dad is who he is in the ring and outside the ring, Todd Williams he lives his life the same way he speaks in the ring, so perhaps I have looked at this all wrong, it isn’t necessarily finding something outside to become, but finding something within, whether it true or not all these people believe in something special, believe in something specific and that is what they base themselves on.
That is why they are able to channel these raw emotions because in fact, what I have considered fake and forced so long.
Is in fact reality.
And I have been wrong the whole time, I have been trying to force something when I mock people for what I considered a lack of realistic thought for what I consider false pretenses. My wife has told me time and time again be yourself and people will fall in love with you, she says that is how she fell in love with me and I don’t know why it took me so long to understand that, I don’t know why I have been searching for an identity all along when I know who I am.
I know what it important to me.
I know what life has in store for me, and I understand my place in this world.
If I am myself, if I am true to myself then I know I will be successful.
Because that is something that has been engrained in my life since the very beginning that hard work breeds success, even when my father was drowning himself in a bottle he was working out, he was writing promos, he was training, he was watching tapes and preparing because preparation allows a person to be ready for any situation.
And as I struggle to find the narrator for my story, the one thing I can do is follow the excellent example my father has given me.
And that in itself will allow me to win the roulette, it will allow me to come out on top, it will allow me to enter at number 11 and toss each and every other person in that ring over the top.
And then I begin forging my way to destiny.
{Scene opens to a collegiate wrestling arena, there are some people here but the public lack of support to wrestling is obvious. We cut to the back of the arena, where in the locker room wrestlers are all going through their own rituals, hopping back and forth from one foot to another, practicing drop steps, losing themselves in their music.}
{We see a young Xander sitting on the bench, headphones plugged into an ancient looking mp3 player, his knees bounce up and down and his mouth moves, as if he is internally working his way through a match. A hand hits him on the back and the smell of alcohol drifts through your television as Gib enters the screen. Gib, who is at this time at an all-time low after the closing of New Millennium Wrestling and subsequent lack of employment}
Gib: You ready to get out there and kick some Iowa ass boy?
{Xander looks up, surprised. He sees his father’s red face, he hears the slurring of his speech}
Xander: Hey, what’s up? I don’t think you are supposed to be back here.
Gib: Fuck that boy, I pay this college in cash. I can go wherever the hell I want. You ready to beat Iowa down?
Xander: Well, maybe. If the starter doesn’t make weight I will wrestle in his place.
Gib: What do you mean the starter, you are the starter. You are the blue chip prospect, you worked hard for this, you are the best.
Xander: No, he beat me in the wrestle off, it was a great match but he escaped at the end and I just didn’t have enough riding time to get that point back.
{Gib shakes his head}
Gib: You really are a piece of shit you know that?
Xander: What?
Gib: Here I go out of my way to come here, to see you wrestle the future national champion, the person who I am spending this ungodly amount of money on this education and you can’t even get in the starting lineup? Worthless, perhaps if you trained a little harder, studied a little more you wouldn’t be sitting on the bench wondering why you are a loser.
{Xander stands up and looks at his Dad, whose face has turned more red}
Xander: You know what, you aren’t worth it. You are a useless drunk who doesn’t know shit, you don’t know anything.
{Gib, without thinking shoves his son backwards over the bench, he smashes into the locker and a group of people show up quickly now, likely they were close eavesdropping on this conversation, the coach of the team, a former Olympian, comes around the corner}
Coach: I don’t care who the hell you are, get the fuck out of this locker room now, before I force you out.
{Gib steps towards the coach and smiles}
Gib: I don’t think your Greco roman bullshit locks are going to do shit when I smash your teeth down the back of your throat.
{Xander stands up, some blood coming down the back of his head, he looks at his dad.}
Xander: Just get out of here, there is no reason for you to be here anymore. You are dead to me.
{These words, those five words hit Gib hard, he knows what they mean and suddenly reality sets in.}
Gib: Xander, I am sorry… I…
{Xander turns and walks away from his father, the team stands staring until Gib turns and leaves as well, tears welling up in his eyes}
That was the last time I was on that college. I walked away, I couldn’t be around anyone anymore. I couldn’t look at people, my father was a complete and total embarrassment to me, he was nothing to me and when I told him he was dead to me, I meant it. I meant it to my very core.
And that is when things started turning south, I went and tried mixed martial arts, I was good but not great, then I came to the wrestling world trying to channel all the hatred for my father. I wanted to be the exact opposite of him, I wanted the crowd to boo me equally as hard as they cheered him.
And I failed.
I was a joke, and I can look back and understand that now.
And when it comes down to it, I think I understand where this identity problem comes from, I think I know why I have such a difficult time understanding the fine line between reality and showmanship.
And it lies in the fact that deep down, I just want to be like my father. I know, the guy was a huge asshole but you know what, he was full of resolve and determination and he believed in everything he said and did and when he fucked up, he said he fucked up.
I wish I had listened to the apology he left on voice mail. I wish that I had given him the chance to explain his actions and to explain the stress he was feeling getting hit with bills and having no income. I wish I could’ve been there before his great fall so that he didn’t have to suffer through it alone.
Mom’s death affected us both, and we should’ve dealt with that together. Sure, the world was given Homeless Harold my father’s alter ego who entertained the masses and eventually was able to lead him back to relevance and ultimately and perfect story book ending to a career. But what did that take from him? How did playing that persona change him?
Did my father fail me?
Of course he did, but I can’t put the responsibility solely on him.
Atticus Finch says, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.” And I think that ultimately that is what was needed. We needed to look at how things were affecting one another in order to fix them.
But as far as the identity, hell I have one already. I may not be flashy; I may not do a seven thousand flip senton reach around bomb blaster. I may not pump my fist excitedly as I walk to the ring. I may not be able to come up with a hundred ways to say suck it or have the greatest things but I have an identity.
I am a husband.
I am a brother.
I am a friend.
I am a son.
And sometimes it seems like a journey of a thousand miles leads you right back home, and honestly that is where I want and need to be. I know who I am, and the fans will know that too. They will know it is genuine and caring. They will know its honest.
And they will cheer for me.
Just like they do for my wife.
Just like that do for my sister.
Just like they do for my friends
Just like they did for my father.
And together we will win this roulette, together we will get a shot at the Imperial Title.
And together we will start a new dynasty.
Jenny: Did you want to take a trip down memory lane?
Xander: No, I wanted to show you how serious I am about new beginnings, see, I want to pick up where we left off before my ego got in the way. You have always been a wonderful wife, and I have leaned on your more than a husband should. Here I am though, I was able to get our place back, and this signals the next step.
{Jenny looks happy, the property doesn’t matter to her as much as what it represented for this was the first thing that Xander did to show he was serious about her, showing that he was willing to make concessions by living in the big city, being a man who grew up and spent most of his time in small towns this was a difficult thing for him}
Jenny: Wow, I can’t believe you were able to get it back, but financially is this possible?
{In his head Xander is thinking no chance; he doesn’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it from. His financial nightmare beginning when he was forced from the IWF after putting a stipulation on a match, after being labeled as an arrogant as hell superstar he was unable to find work and has been unemployed since. With that, and several poor financial decisions he has been on the edge of the economic status.}
Xander: Of course it is, I am a professional wrestler back in the winning ways. It is only a matter of time before sponsors line up and the merchandise sales blow the roof off the arena.
{Jenny knows Xander, better than anyone. It is truly something that is understated in relationships. She cocks her head to the side}
Jenny: You can’t lie to me, my brother called me and told me that you were trying to develop a better personality, is this apartment the reason you are trying to make a drastic change.
{Xander just smirks, knowing that his wife figures everything out. Of course, big persona equals big money and Xander isn’t a big persona, he never has been}
Jenny: Look, I have lots of money, we don’t need two big personalities in this relationship. You need to swallow your pride, stop worrying about taking care of me and just go out there and do what you do. If you force some sort of emotional archetype into yourself, then you are going to be forcing it, and when you force it you are truly horrible to listen to.
{Xander’s mouth falls agape}
Xander: Ouch, when have I ever forced it?
Jenny: Hatebreeder…
Xander: I told you never to mention that again.
{He smiles at her, she looks into his eyes and they share a love, it is obvious in their interactions}
Jenny: Well, I guess we should go break that apartment in.
Xander: I haven’t been able to afford a bed yet.
Jenny: Who needs a bed?
{She grabs his arms and pulls him towards the building as the scene fades}
Maybe I have been looking at this incorrectly all along, perhaps this whole “finding myself” situation is an exercise in futility. I mean, honestly maybe everyone else is being genuine while they talk.
Perhaps Sephiroth really is an ancient vampire from yester yore, who just happens to be the biggest and most pansiest vampire of all time, you know, if he is invincible and all how does he get pinned?
Perhaps KLB really is a complete and total psychopath who can’t take himself out of his own world long enough to notice that things exist without him each and every day.
Perhaps Angel truly is the most despicable and horrible human being in the world and maybe he really wants to kill his opponents as he always says.
Perhaps Jimmy Zane truly is a self-loathing whiney baby who feels the need to scream at random times.
Maybe Gjenrai is really a, Jesus I don’t even know.
I mean, my Dad is who he is in the ring and outside the ring, Todd Williams he lives his life the same way he speaks in the ring, so perhaps I have looked at this all wrong, it isn’t necessarily finding something outside to become, but finding something within, whether it true or not all these people believe in something special, believe in something specific and that is what they base themselves on.
That is why they are able to channel these raw emotions because in fact, what I have considered fake and forced so long.
Is in fact reality.
And I have been wrong the whole time, I have been trying to force something when I mock people for what I considered a lack of realistic thought for what I consider false pretenses. My wife has told me time and time again be yourself and people will fall in love with you, she says that is how she fell in love with me and I don’t know why it took me so long to understand that, I don’t know why I have been searching for an identity all along when I know who I am.
I know what it important to me.
I know what life has in store for me, and I understand my place in this world.
If I am myself, if I am true to myself then I know I will be successful.
Because that is something that has been engrained in my life since the very beginning that hard work breeds success, even when my father was drowning himself in a bottle he was working out, he was writing promos, he was training, he was watching tapes and preparing because preparation allows a person to be ready for any situation.
And as I struggle to find the narrator for my story, the one thing I can do is follow the excellent example my father has given me.
And that in itself will allow me to win the roulette, it will allow me to come out on top, it will allow me to enter at number 11 and toss each and every other person in that ring over the top.
And then I begin forging my way to destiny.
{Scene opens to a collegiate wrestling arena, there are some people here but the public lack of support to wrestling is obvious. We cut to the back of the arena, where in the locker room wrestlers are all going through their own rituals, hopping back and forth from one foot to another, practicing drop steps, losing themselves in their music.}
{We see a young Xander sitting on the bench, headphones plugged into an ancient looking mp3 player, his knees bounce up and down and his mouth moves, as if he is internally working his way through a match. A hand hits him on the back and the smell of alcohol drifts through your television as Gib enters the screen. Gib, who is at this time at an all-time low after the closing of New Millennium Wrestling and subsequent lack of employment}
Gib: You ready to get out there and kick some Iowa ass boy?
{Xander looks up, surprised. He sees his father’s red face, he hears the slurring of his speech}
Xander: Hey, what’s up? I don’t think you are supposed to be back here.
Gib: Fuck that boy, I pay this college in cash. I can go wherever the hell I want. You ready to beat Iowa down?
Xander: Well, maybe. If the starter doesn’t make weight I will wrestle in his place.
Gib: What do you mean the starter, you are the starter. You are the blue chip prospect, you worked hard for this, you are the best.
Xander: No, he beat me in the wrestle off, it was a great match but he escaped at the end and I just didn’t have enough riding time to get that point back.
{Gib shakes his head}
Gib: You really are a piece of shit you know that?
Xander: What?
Gib: Here I go out of my way to come here, to see you wrestle the future national champion, the person who I am spending this ungodly amount of money on this education and you can’t even get in the starting lineup? Worthless, perhaps if you trained a little harder, studied a little more you wouldn’t be sitting on the bench wondering why you are a loser.
{Xander stands up and looks at his Dad, whose face has turned more red}
Xander: You know what, you aren’t worth it. You are a useless drunk who doesn’t know shit, you don’t know anything.
{Gib, without thinking shoves his son backwards over the bench, he smashes into the locker and a group of people show up quickly now, likely they were close eavesdropping on this conversation, the coach of the team, a former Olympian, comes around the corner}
Coach: I don’t care who the hell you are, get the fuck out of this locker room now, before I force you out.
{Gib steps towards the coach and smiles}
Gib: I don’t think your Greco roman bullshit locks are going to do shit when I smash your teeth down the back of your throat.
{Xander stands up, some blood coming down the back of his head, he looks at his dad.}
Xander: Just get out of here, there is no reason for you to be here anymore. You are dead to me.
{These words, those five words hit Gib hard, he knows what they mean and suddenly reality sets in.}
Gib: Xander, I am sorry… I…
{Xander turns and walks away from his father, the team stands staring until Gib turns and leaves as well, tears welling up in his eyes}
That was the last time I was on that college. I walked away, I couldn’t be around anyone anymore. I couldn’t look at people, my father was a complete and total embarrassment to me, he was nothing to me and when I told him he was dead to me, I meant it. I meant it to my very core.
And that is when things started turning south, I went and tried mixed martial arts, I was good but not great, then I came to the wrestling world trying to channel all the hatred for my father. I wanted to be the exact opposite of him, I wanted the crowd to boo me equally as hard as they cheered him.
And I failed.
I was a joke, and I can look back and understand that now.
And when it comes down to it, I think I understand where this identity problem comes from, I think I know why I have such a difficult time understanding the fine line between reality and showmanship.
And it lies in the fact that deep down, I just want to be like my father. I know, the guy was a huge asshole but you know what, he was full of resolve and determination and he believed in everything he said and did and when he fucked up, he said he fucked up.
I wish I had listened to the apology he left on voice mail. I wish that I had given him the chance to explain his actions and to explain the stress he was feeling getting hit with bills and having no income. I wish I could’ve been there before his great fall so that he didn’t have to suffer through it alone.
Mom’s death affected us both, and we should’ve dealt with that together. Sure, the world was given Homeless Harold my father’s alter ego who entertained the masses and eventually was able to lead him back to relevance and ultimately and perfect story book ending to a career. But what did that take from him? How did playing that persona change him?
Did my father fail me?
Of course he did, but I can’t put the responsibility solely on him.
Atticus Finch says, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.” And I think that ultimately that is what was needed. We needed to look at how things were affecting one another in order to fix them.
But as far as the identity, hell I have one already. I may not be flashy; I may not do a seven thousand flip senton reach around bomb blaster. I may not pump my fist excitedly as I walk to the ring. I may not be able to come up with a hundred ways to say suck it or have the greatest things but I have an identity.
I am a husband.
I am a brother.
I am a friend.
I am a son.
And sometimes it seems like a journey of a thousand miles leads you right back home, and honestly that is where I want and need to be. I know who I am, and the fans will know that too. They will know it is genuine and caring. They will know its honest.
And they will cheer for me.
Just like they do for my wife.
Just like that do for my sister.
Just like they do for my friends
Just like they did for my father.
And together we will win this roulette, together we will get a shot at the Imperial Title.
And together we will start a new dynasty.
Well howdy there pardner.