Post by John Barber on Mar 21, 2014 22:25:54 GMT
The John Barber Diaries Journal (manly edit. –Billy)
Saved by the Bell
March 21, 2014
The scene opens up to a darkened room. Only a little bit of light can be seen coming from somewhere off screen. A chair is visible in the room. A man walks on screen and when he sits down in front of the camera you can see that it’s IWF’s own John Barber. He leans forward as he talks to the camera.
John Barber: So my first week in IWF didn’t go as well as I woulda liked it, but looking back at the tapes, it wasn’t exactly my fault. Yeah, Jimmy Zane is going around blaming me for it, but anyone watching me be thrown into the ring steps while he flails around like some kinda clown knows the truth of it all.
So there’s this Roulette match. Over the top battle royal. Just so happens that I’m the last man walking into that there ring. Everybody’s looking at people like Spike Kane, Sephiroth Du Lac, Mason St. Croix, and others to be the last one standing, but everyone isn’t noticing the guy standing in front of them. John Barber.
An underdog. Someone underestimated by the rest of the competition and I love it. I thrive upon it IWF. I may be a rookie, but I was trained by a devious sumbitch. He trained me for matches and moments like this’n. My music will hit, everyone will not even so much as bat an eyelash as I run down from the back and slide into the ring. I don’t even know what I’m going to do yet. Maybe, I’ll slide in and just sit back, watching everyone eliminate each other and pick my spots. Or maybe I’ll slide in and go after one of the big champions of IWF and make an immediate impact.
People look at all these men who have years of experience in this here wrasslin business and then don’t think twice about me. Anyone who does so is making the biggest of their career at High Stakes. I’m the dark horse of this here battle royal and plan to ride my way to victory. Get out of the Florida Cracker’s way or be run down. It’s that simple.
The scene fades out.
-----------------
The scene fades back into a classroom setting. There’s a teacher’s desk with papers stacked up on the side of it, even one of those old school apples on it. The walls have motivational posters and taped up flyers and such on it. As for the board, it’s not a chalkboard. This here is one of them technology advanced rooms with one of those smart boards. I ain’t impressed by it though, cause I’m smarter than that board. I can walk around on these two here feet. Can it? No. Hanging off the ceiling is one of those projectors.
In the middle of the room seated at one of the desks is none other than John Barber himself, decked out in some kind of football uniform. A few of the other desks are moved off to the side of the room because Lily herself is also present. She’s not wearing a jersey though, it’s more laid across her back.
Some singing can faintly be heard coming from the hallway and it gets louder as the voice gets closer.
“When I wake up in the mornin',
And the alarm gives out a warnin',
I don't think I'll ever make it on time,
By the time I grab my books…”
Billy steps through the door dressed in a suit. He trails off with the song as he notices the camera. John chuckles and shakes his head.
John: What ya singing there, Billy?
A look of annoyance mixed with determination washes across Billy’s large face.
Billy: Look don’t be making fun of me. I’m getting into the theme here with this here promo. I was singing the words to Saved by the Bell since we’re in a school.
Lilly lets out a low growl. John glances at her, grinning, while gesturing to her.
John: Yeah, Billy. I’m with Lily here. Why are we in a classroom at some random school?
Billy: Look gator whisperer, we’re here because you wanted me to take my job as manager more seriously. I’m here to school you and the rest of IWF on the competition coming up at that there Roulette match.
John nods with an interested look on his face and leans back with his arms crossed. Billy walks over and flips the light switch. Lily loses it and starts growling and hissing loudly, swinging her tail around, smacking the other chairs. Billy quickly flips the lights back on.
John: Dangit, Billy. You know how scared she is of the dark!
Billy: I’m sorry!
John leans over and pats her on the head, talking to her for a minute before she finally calms down. Billy walks over to another device on the wall and slightly dims the light. He glances over at John who gives him a thumbs up. Billy walks over to a nearby podium, reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a 5 inch case. He opens it and pulls out a small, skinny metal rod. He grabs the end of it and snaps his wrist, extending out a pointer, making John jump as it nearly hits him in the face.
John: What the hell Billy?!
Billy pulls it back.
Billy: Sorry John. This here is my pointer to keep your attention to this upcoming presentation. Now, one of them computer guys told me to hit this here button to get my presentation started.
Billy grabs a remote off the podium, points it at the projector and the smartboard lights up to a PowerPoint Presentation. Billy hits a button and the words IWF light up on the screen. Billy slaps the pointer on the board.
Billy: First, John, this is the wrassling company we’re with IWF.
Billy hits a button and words appear below the letters IWF. They read “Israeli Wrasslin Federation”.
Billy: So, I’ve done some book reading on the Internet and IWF stands fo---
John looks at Billy like he’s stupid.
John: Billy, IWF doesn’t stand for Israeli Wrasslin Federation.
Billy glances back at the board.
Billy: What?! It doesn’t??
John sighs.
John: No! It stands for Imperial Wrasslin Federation.
Billy glances back and forth from John to the board a couple of times with a confused look on his face.
Billy: Well dangit, John. That cuts out a few minutes of this presentation then.
Billy hits the button cycling through various slides, passing by maps of Israel, photos of the Israeli Prime Minister and many other unrelated facts about Israel. He finally comes to a slide that reads “Participants”.
Billy: Ok ok, here we go John. You might want to take notes. Looks like you didn’t come prepared for this so you’ll have to make some mental notes. We’re going to look at a few of the top guys in this here wrasslin company we’re in.
Billy hits a button and a picture of Mason St. Croix comes up on the screen. Billy hits another button and his name comes up incorrect. It reads “Mason St. Cro9”
Billy: So first there’s Mason St. Cro-9. Kind of an odd name if you ask me.
John: I think that’s Mason St. Croix. You say it like “Croy”
Billy: You sure about that? Ix is supposed to be a Roman numeral, John and it stands for 9.
John: No, it’s Croy.
Billy: Agree to disagree. Moving on. This guy here is just full of lies, John. I don’t trust this guy at all. First of all, he’s not actually a mason at all. Probably can’t even design a simple shelf if’n you ask me. He’s actually a Marine. Then his middle name is Saint. He may be a good guy, but I’m not sure he’s that good of a guy. I did some research at the local Catholic churches and found nothing of a Mason St. Croix. Despite all these lies, he’s apparently pretty good in the ring so we may have to watch ourselves around him.
John looks confused.
John: Billy, I don’t think any of that helped me with him at all.
Ignoring him, Billy this another button as another face comes up. It’s Sephiroth du Lac. His name actually comes up correctly.
Billy: Next there’s Sephiroth du Lac. I have an addition to his name that I do think is mighty genius if you ask me.
Billy hits a button and two more words pop up by his name “a tan”. Sephiroth du Lac a tan is now the name under his picture. Billy chuckles to himself but stops when he notices John leaning back in his desk unamused, with his arms crossed over his chest. Billy clears his throat and hits a button on the projector bringing up a picture of Sephiroth from Final Fantasy 7.
Billy: What I’ve discovered is that IWF’s Sephiroth may possibly be kinfolk with Sephiroth from that Final Fantasy 7 game we played back in the Playstation days. Mr. Lac…or Mr. du Lac…however I’m supposed to address you, just know that we do not fear you. You may be a big shot in this here wrassling company, but my boy John Barber here is going to send you packing like we sent Sephiroth back to the Geneva Convention.
John: Jenova Project.
Billy: Yeah that.
Billy hits another button on the projector and brings up a picture of Gjenrei. He hits another button to pull up his name. Billy double takes at the screen and stares at the screen for a few seconds, finally scratching his head.
John: You trying to figure out how to say his name?
Billy: Yep. Having a tough time with this one. I’m just going to call him Genie.
John: Billy, please tell me the next couple of slides and minutes of this part of the presentation are not about Aladdin and Robin Williams.
Billy scoffs and quickly hits the button a few times going past some Disney pictures from the movie Aladdin very quickly. John rolls his eyes. Billy starts flipping to the next slide when suddenly the school bell rings. Billy and John both jump and Lily loses her mind, growling loudly, swinging her tail everywhere as she crawls quickly across the room. Billy and John’s eyes go wide as they are surprised by her outburst. Suddenly chatter out in the hallway can be heard followed shortly by screams. John knocks his desk out of the way as he jumps up. Both men run to the door.
John: Billy, you didn’t tell me they had classes going on today!
Billy: It’s a SCHOOL, John what did you expect?!
John is out in the hallway and looks in the direction Lily went in.
John: Lily! Babygurl! We’re coming! Hey don’t hit her with that!
Both men run off down the hall off screen. The scene fades out once more.
---------------------------
The scene opens back up again, this time a couple of hours later. You can immediately tell we’re in a park. Out in the distance Billy and Lily can be seen out on the grass. Billy is shaking an object, likely a ball, in front of her face. He tosses it and encourages her to go after it. She barely even moves, much less looks in the direction he threw it and just continues sitting there. Billy runs as fast as a man of his girth can manage…let’s call it a fast waddle….over to the ball and picks it up.
He takes it and throws it a few feet away, closer to her, but still no reaction. He “fast waddles” over towards her as the camera moves over slightly bringing in a picnic table with John Barber sitting on top of it, his feet resting on the bench. He smirks as he looks out at Billy trying to play with Lily out in the grass. He glances over his shoulder, noticing the camera. He lifts his legs and spins around to the other side of the table, resting his feet on the opposite bench now. John smirks as he looks at the camera.
John: So here we are a couple of days away from High Stakes and the IWF Roulette match. Some people would say that a newcomer entering IWF like this is not the greatest way to get started, but I disagree. Entering the IWF Roulette match, even if it is all the guys regardless of how we do, puts us all right there in front of the fans.
Just like in that there March Madness tournament going on (*whispering* Go Gators), there’s upset possibilities abound. There’s going to be those moments when one of the IWF’s big names don’t disappoint as well. Like I already said. I’m the dark horse here. I’m the upset possibility that is not going to be a possibility but a guarantee. Sunday, I WILL shine on the big stage in that match. Not shine as I get close to the lights as they throw me out, nosiree, I will shine as I eliminate or outlast some of the biggest hosses this here company has ever signed to a contract.
Sunday is when the IWF founds out what the Florida Cracker is all about. Most of them other boys in this match they can walk in and get tossed out, losing the match and still walk into a title match next week or the week after. But the Florida Cracker is a newcomer. I’m gonna have to bust my tail week in and week out for a while before I can start getting title shots. Week after week before I’m taken seriously. I ain’t got time for that! I’m taking the gator by its teeth, the bull by its horns, the cougar by his tail and making it happen this week at High Stakes.
High Stakes is exactly what this is for the Florida Cracker. There’s a high chance I could shine or shitfire, even win the thing or I could crash and burn and continue this here losing streak that Jimmy Zane put me on. Yeah, that’s right I said it Mr. Zane. Your stupidity is what cost us that match. If’n you want to get a rematch with them, I have to say I’m down for that, hoss. You get the match signed and I’ll show up. Like last time, I’ll do my part, just don’t pull a 3 Stooges act and fall down again. Maybe you should wear a helmet?
Put the loss on me, you’re out of your ever loving mind there, hoss. I don’t care who I step into the ring with. It can be my current tag partner here, Jimmy Zane, it can be Mason St. Croix, Bob Pooler, or even the world champion Kristoff Liam Bates, your world titles, your years of experience, your belief that you’re the best this business has to offer won’t mean a gosh darn thing when you hear that music hit and the Florida Cracker saunters out from the back.
Now, when you go flipping over them ropes and look back up angry at whoever threw you out and see The Florida Cracker grinning down at you, don’t take it personal ya hear?
The scene fades to black.
Saved by the Bell
March 21, 2014
The scene opens up to a darkened room. Only a little bit of light can be seen coming from somewhere off screen. A chair is visible in the room. A man walks on screen and when he sits down in front of the camera you can see that it’s IWF’s own John Barber. He leans forward as he talks to the camera.
John Barber: So my first week in IWF didn’t go as well as I woulda liked it, but looking back at the tapes, it wasn’t exactly my fault. Yeah, Jimmy Zane is going around blaming me for it, but anyone watching me be thrown into the ring steps while he flails around like some kinda clown knows the truth of it all.
So there’s this Roulette match. Over the top battle royal. Just so happens that I’m the last man walking into that there ring. Everybody’s looking at people like Spike Kane, Sephiroth Du Lac, Mason St. Croix, and others to be the last one standing, but everyone isn’t noticing the guy standing in front of them. John Barber.
An underdog. Someone underestimated by the rest of the competition and I love it. I thrive upon it IWF. I may be a rookie, but I was trained by a devious sumbitch. He trained me for matches and moments like this’n. My music will hit, everyone will not even so much as bat an eyelash as I run down from the back and slide into the ring. I don’t even know what I’m going to do yet. Maybe, I’ll slide in and just sit back, watching everyone eliminate each other and pick my spots. Or maybe I’ll slide in and go after one of the big champions of IWF and make an immediate impact.
People look at all these men who have years of experience in this here wrasslin business and then don’t think twice about me. Anyone who does so is making the biggest of their career at High Stakes. I’m the dark horse of this here battle royal and plan to ride my way to victory. Get out of the Florida Cracker’s way or be run down. It’s that simple.
The scene fades out.
-----------------
The scene fades back into a classroom setting. There’s a teacher’s desk with papers stacked up on the side of it, even one of those old school apples on it. The walls have motivational posters and taped up flyers and such on it. As for the board, it’s not a chalkboard. This here is one of them technology advanced rooms with one of those smart boards. I ain’t impressed by it though, cause I’m smarter than that board. I can walk around on these two here feet. Can it? No. Hanging off the ceiling is one of those projectors.
In the middle of the room seated at one of the desks is none other than John Barber himself, decked out in some kind of football uniform. A few of the other desks are moved off to the side of the room because Lily herself is also present. She’s not wearing a jersey though, it’s more laid across her back.
Some singing can faintly be heard coming from the hallway and it gets louder as the voice gets closer.
“When I wake up in the mornin',
And the alarm gives out a warnin',
I don't think I'll ever make it on time,
By the time I grab my books…”
Billy steps through the door dressed in a suit. He trails off with the song as he notices the camera. John chuckles and shakes his head.
John: What ya singing there, Billy?
A look of annoyance mixed with determination washes across Billy’s large face.
Billy: Look don’t be making fun of me. I’m getting into the theme here with this here promo. I was singing the words to Saved by the Bell since we’re in a school.
Lilly lets out a low growl. John glances at her, grinning, while gesturing to her.
John: Yeah, Billy. I’m with Lily here. Why are we in a classroom at some random school?
Billy: Look gator whisperer, we’re here because you wanted me to take my job as manager more seriously. I’m here to school you and the rest of IWF on the competition coming up at that there Roulette match.
John nods with an interested look on his face and leans back with his arms crossed. Billy walks over and flips the light switch. Lily loses it and starts growling and hissing loudly, swinging her tail around, smacking the other chairs. Billy quickly flips the lights back on.
John: Dangit, Billy. You know how scared she is of the dark!
Billy: I’m sorry!
John leans over and pats her on the head, talking to her for a minute before she finally calms down. Billy walks over to another device on the wall and slightly dims the light. He glances over at John who gives him a thumbs up. Billy walks over to a nearby podium, reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a 5 inch case. He opens it and pulls out a small, skinny metal rod. He grabs the end of it and snaps his wrist, extending out a pointer, making John jump as it nearly hits him in the face.
John: What the hell Billy?!
Billy pulls it back.
Billy: Sorry John. This here is my pointer to keep your attention to this upcoming presentation. Now, one of them computer guys told me to hit this here button to get my presentation started.
Billy grabs a remote off the podium, points it at the projector and the smartboard lights up to a PowerPoint Presentation. Billy hits a button and the words IWF light up on the screen. Billy slaps the pointer on the board.
Billy: First, John, this is the wrassling company we’re with IWF.
Billy hits a button and words appear below the letters IWF. They read “Israeli Wrasslin Federation”.
Billy: So, I’ve done some book reading on the Internet and IWF stands fo---
John looks at Billy like he’s stupid.
John: Billy, IWF doesn’t stand for Israeli Wrasslin Federation.
Billy glances back at the board.
Billy: What?! It doesn’t??
John sighs.
John: No! It stands for Imperial Wrasslin Federation.
Billy glances back and forth from John to the board a couple of times with a confused look on his face.
Billy: Well dangit, John. That cuts out a few minutes of this presentation then.
Billy hits the button cycling through various slides, passing by maps of Israel, photos of the Israeli Prime Minister and many other unrelated facts about Israel. He finally comes to a slide that reads “Participants”.
Billy: Ok ok, here we go John. You might want to take notes. Looks like you didn’t come prepared for this so you’ll have to make some mental notes. We’re going to look at a few of the top guys in this here wrasslin company we’re in.
Billy hits a button and a picture of Mason St. Croix comes up on the screen. Billy hits another button and his name comes up incorrect. It reads “Mason St. Cro9”
Billy: So first there’s Mason St. Cro-9. Kind of an odd name if you ask me.
John: I think that’s Mason St. Croix. You say it like “Croy”
Billy: You sure about that? Ix is supposed to be a Roman numeral, John and it stands for 9.
John: No, it’s Croy.
Billy: Agree to disagree. Moving on. This guy here is just full of lies, John. I don’t trust this guy at all. First of all, he’s not actually a mason at all. Probably can’t even design a simple shelf if’n you ask me. He’s actually a Marine. Then his middle name is Saint. He may be a good guy, but I’m not sure he’s that good of a guy. I did some research at the local Catholic churches and found nothing of a Mason St. Croix. Despite all these lies, he’s apparently pretty good in the ring so we may have to watch ourselves around him.
John looks confused.
John: Billy, I don’t think any of that helped me with him at all.
Ignoring him, Billy this another button as another face comes up. It’s Sephiroth du Lac. His name actually comes up correctly.
Billy: Next there’s Sephiroth du Lac. I have an addition to his name that I do think is mighty genius if you ask me.
Billy hits a button and two more words pop up by his name “a tan”. Sephiroth du Lac a tan is now the name under his picture. Billy chuckles to himself but stops when he notices John leaning back in his desk unamused, with his arms crossed over his chest. Billy clears his throat and hits a button on the projector bringing up a picture of Sephiroth from Final Fantasy 7.
Billy: What I’ve discovered is that IWF’s Sephiroth may possibly be kinfolk with Sephiroth from that Final Fantasy 7 game we played back in the Playstation days. Mr. Lac…or Mr. du Lac…however I’m supposed to address you, just know that we do not fear you. You may be a big shot in this here wrassling company, but my boy John Barber here is going to send you packing like we sent Sephiroth back to the Geneva Convention.
John: Jenova Project.
Billy: Yeah that.
Billy hits another button on the projector and brings up a picture of Gjenrei. He hits another button to pull up his name. Billy double takes at the screen and stares at the screen for a few seconds, finally scratching his head.
John: You trying to figure out how to say his name?
Billy: Yep. Having a tough time with this one. I’m just going to call him Genie.
John: Billy, please tell me the next couple of slides and minutes of this part of the presentation are not about Aladdin and Robin Williams.
Billy scoffs and quickly hits the button a few times going past some Disney pictures from the movie Aladdin very quickly. John rolls his eyes. Billy starts flipping to the next slide when suddenly the school bell rings. Billy and John both jump and Lily loses her mind, growling loudly, swinging her tail everywhere as she crawls quickly across the room. Billy and John’s eyes go wide as they are surprised by her outburst. Suddenly chatter out in the hallway can be heard followed shortly by screams. John knocks his desk out of the way as he jumps up. Both men run to the door.
John: Billy, you didn’t tell me they had classes going on today!
Billy: It’s a SCHOOL, John what did you expect?!
John is out in the hallway and looks in the direction Lily went in.
John: Lily! Babygurl! We’re coming! Hey don’t hit her with that!
Both men run off down the hall off screen. The scene fades out once more.
---------------------------
The scene opens back up again, this time a couple of hours later. You can immediately tell we’re in a park. Out in the distance Billy and Lily can be seen out on the grass. Billy is shaking an object, likely a ball, in front of her face. He tosses it and encourages her to go after it. She barely even moves, much less looks in the direction he threw it and just continues sitting there. Billy runs as fast as a man of his girth can manage…let’s call it a fast waddle….over to the ball and picks it up.
He takes it and throws it a few feet away, closer to her, but still no reaction. He “fast waddles” over towards her as the camera moves over slightly bringing in a picnic table with John Barber sitting on top of it, his feet resting on the bench. He smirks as he looks out at Billy trying to play with Lily out in the grass. He glances over his shoulder, noticing the camera. He lifts his legs and spins around to the other side of the table, resting his feet on the opposite bench now. John smirks as he looks at the camera.
John: So here we are a couple of days away from High Stakes and the IWF Roulette match. Some people would say that a newcomer entering IWF like this is not the greatest way to get started, but I disagree. Entering the IWF Roulette match, even if it is all the guys regardless of how we do, puts us all right there in front of the fans.
Just like in that there March Madness tournament going on (*whispering* Go Gators), there’s upset possibilities abound. There’s going to be those moments when one of the IWF’s big names don’t disappoint as well. Like I already said. I’m the dark horse here. I’m the upset possibility that is not going to be a possibility but a guarantee. Sunday, I WILL shine on the big stage in that match. Not shine as I get close to the lights as they throw me out, nosiree, I will shine as I eliminate or outlast some of the biggest hosses this here company has ever signed to a contract.
Sunday is when the IWF founds out what the Florida Cracker is all about. Most of them other boys in this match they can walk in and get tossed out, losing the match and still walk into a title match next week or the week after. But the Florida Cracker is a newcomer. I’m gonna have to bust my tail week in and week out for a while before I can start getting title shots. Week after week before I’m taken seriously. I ain’t got time for that! I’m taking the gator by its teeth, the bull by its horns, the cougar by his tail and making it happen this week at High Stakes.
High Stakes is exactly what this is for the Florida Cracker. There’s a high chance I could shine or shitfire, even win the thing or I could crash and burn and continue this here losing streak that Jimmy Zane put me on. Yeah, that’s right I said it Mr. Zane. Your stupidity is what cost us that match. If’n you want to get a rematch with them, I have to say I’m down for that, hoss. You get the match signed and I’ll show up. Like last time, I’ll do my part, just don’t pull a 3 Stooges act and fall down again. Maybe you should wear a helmet?
Put the loss on me, you’re out of your ever loving mind there, hoss. I don’t care who I step into the ring with. It can be my current tag partner here, Jimmy Zane, it can be Mason St. Croix, Bob Pooler, or even the world champion Kristoff Liam Bates, your world titles, your years of experience, your belief that you’re the best this business has to offer won’t mean a gosh darn thing when you hear that music hit and the Florida Cracker saunters out from the back.
Now, when you go flipping over them ropes and look back up angry at whoever threw you out and see The Florida Cracker grinning down at you, don’t take it personal ya hear?
The scene fades to black.
Well howdy there pardner.