Post by Jessica Reed on Jun 6, 2013 20:25:02 GMT
FIRST PART OF
JESSICA REED
Persons Represented
~*~
Jessica Reed, 12th Countess of Cosplay and the Princess of Parody
Roberto Verona, The Kingmaker and the Longest Reigning NCW World Champion In The History of Ever. Also Italian.
The “Ghost” of Kelly Fox, Queen of Professional Wrestling and winner of the 8th Annual Avril-a-like Contest, Arkansas
Simon de Montfort, NOT the 6th Earl of Leicester or Ra's Al Ghul or Qui-Gon Jinn or...
~*~
ACT I SCENE I
BOUNCY JUBILATIONS
May 20th 2013
Enter Jessica Reed and Roberto Verona.
Jessica Reed: Really? You mean it? You’ll honestly give me a chance?
Roberto Verona: When have I ever lied?
Verona winks knowingly at the audience.
Jessica Reed: I don’t know what to say.
Roberto Verona: A thank you perhaps?
Jessica begins to bounce, cue wolf whistles.
Jessica Reed: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank youuuuuuu! You won’t regret this I promise.
Roberto Verona: If you keep jumping up and down like that, I am sure I won’t when I get our weekly ratings.
Jessica Reed: Oh, you!
Jessica giggles.
Jessica Reed: I won’t let you down Roberto, I am really grateful for the opportunity. Anything to get away from wrestling in sports halls where guys just try and grab my ass every two minutes.
Roberto Verona: Yes, our crowd are behind barricades.
Jessica Reed: Crowd? I was talking about the referees.
JESSICA REED
Persons Represented
~*~
Jessica Reed, 12th Countess of Cosplay and the Princess of Parody
Roberto Verona, The Kingmaker and the Longest Reigning NCW World Champion In The History of Ever. Also Italian.
The “Ghost” of Kelly Fox, Queen of Professional Wrestling and winner of the 8th Annual Avril-a-like Contest, Arkansas
Simon de Montfort, NOT the 6th Earl of Leicester or Ra's Al Ghul or Qui-Gon Jinn or...
~*~
ACT I SCENE I
BOUNCY JUBILATIONS
May 20th 2013
Enter Jessica Reed and Roberto Verona.
Jessica Reed: Really? You mean it? You’ll honestly give me a chance?
Roberto Verona: When have I ever lied?
Verona winks knowingly at the audience.
Jessica Reed: I don’t know what to say.
Roberto Verona: A thank you perhaps?
Jessica begins to bounce, cue wolf whistles.
Jessica Reed: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank youuuuuuu! You won’t regret this I promise.
Roberto Verona: If you keep jumping up and down like that, I am sure I won’t when I get our weekly ratings.
Jessica Reed: Oh, you!
Jessica giggles.
Jessica Reed: I won’t let you down Roberto, I am really grateful for the opportunity. Anything to get away from wrestling in sports halls where guys just try and grab my ass every two minutes.
Roberto Verona: Yes, our crowd are behind barricades.
Jessica Reed: Crowd? I was talking about the referees.
Finally, the moment I have been waiting for!
No, not The Hobbit : Smaug’s Desolation, although…
My debut in the Imperial Wrestling Federation in the Heiress to the Throne Qualifying Tournament…wow that is a mouthful. I couldn’t have asked for a bigger opportunity, to be in with a chance to compete with some of the best women’s wrestlers today in the premier tournament for our gender, all for the biggest prize?
I’m not ashamed to admit I may have marked out just a little.
Rookie or not I haven’t come here to play games, I’m here to make an impact and perfect my craft. There may be girls here who people will back purely because of their previous exploits, but I am in the business of causing upsets. I’m not here to simply learn, I am here to win. I have no intention to become a pin cushion to the stars, I’m here to fulfil my dreams.
I know, I know, cliché right, but why start my tenure here by peddling a bundle of lies and getting all grumpy because they’ll refer to me as a Diamond?
I’ve competed in federations where we were referred to as “Hot Bitches”, I think I can survive the infamy of being a Diamond.
So many people here have such greater experience of winning belts than I do and they’ve done it all, so you’d be mad to just write them off, but they all started somewhere and deep down they know that no matter what they call it, if they are crowned the first ever IWF Diamond’s Champion they will be filled with pride.
Nobody else will ever be the first and quite honestly, I’d like my first time to be a much more memorable and happy experience than that other one we all have…
You know.
Your first games console and that first Spiderman comic…
Wait…what did you think I meant…that…THAT? Ewwww. Seriously? God, you’re perverted.
I am willing to do whatever it takes to insert…OK poor choice of words, let’s go with place, yes, place. I am willing to do whatever it takes to place myself into the Heiress to the Throne tournament. I’ve learnt a lot since I first strapped on a pair of boots and I’ve waited so long for my big moment.
Now it is time to seize it with both hands, to grasp it firmly and…
OK, seriously, do you ever have your minds out of the gutter?
ACT I SCENE II
GHOST OF FEDERATION’S PAST
Enter Jessica Reed
Jessica Reed: Erm…Miss Fox? You asked to see me?
Enter the “Ghost” of Kelly Fox.
Kelly Fox: Welcome to my new office Jessica.
Jessica turns and screams.
Jessica Reed: Argh! A ghost!
Kelly Fox: I’m not a ghost!
Jessica Reed: But I thought that when NCW closed…
Kelly Fox: That they killed me?
Jessica Reed: Well ever since your daughter came back in time I’ve been pondering whether the reason NCW had to close was to prevent an apocalyptic dystopian future from becoming an inevilitability…
Kelly Fox: My daughter did what?
Jessica Reed: Well, I thought Ryleigh may have killed you to stop…
Kelly Fox: How could a toddler kill me?
Jessica Reed: With a hammer. I remember my Simpsons.
Kelly sighs.
Kelly Fox: I just wanted to congratulate you on your new contract Jessica.
Jessica Reed: So you’re not dead?
Kelly Fox: If I was dead, could I do this?
Kelly reaches for Jessica’s hand… but passes straight through her, leading to an incredibly awkward silence.
Kelly Fox: I…I have to go!
Exit Kelly Fox.
Jessica Reed: Wait, Miss Fox! If you’re a ghost I need you to ask my pet snake Rattles why he drowned himself in the toilet when I was a child. Miss Fox!
GHOST OF FEDERATION’S PAST
Enter Jessica Reed
Jessica Reed: Erm…Miss Fox? You asked to see me?
Enter the “Ghost” of Kelly Fox.
Kelly Fox: Welcome to my new office Jessica.
Jessica turns and screams.
Jessica Reed: Argh! A ghost!
Kelly Fox: I’m not a ghost!
Jessica Reed: But I thought that when NCW closed…
Kelly Fox: That they killed me?
Jessica Reed: Well ever since your daughter came back in time I’ve been pondering whether the reason NCW had to close was to prevent an apocalyptic dystopian future from becoming an inevilitability…
Kelly Fox: My daughter did what?
Jessica Reed: Well, I thought Ryleigh may have killed you to stop…
Kelly Fox: How could a toddler kill me?
Jessica Reed: With a hammer. I remember my Simpsons.
Kelly sighs.
Kelly Fox: I just wanted to congratulate you on your new contract Jessica.
Jessica Reed: So you’re not dead?
Kelly Fox: If I was dead, could I do this?
Kelly reaches for Jessica’s hand… but passes straight through her, leading to an incredibly awkward silence.
Kelly Fox: I…I have to go!
Exit Kelly Fox.
Jessica Reed: Wait, Miss Fox! If you’re a ghost I need you to ask my pet snake Rattles why he drowned himself in the toilet when I was a child. Miss Fox!
So, you’re the girl who’s left me in complete confusion all week wondering why my sister has been crying alone in her bedroom like a teenager?
What? I don’t have a television, sheesh.
Or the internet.
Stop looking at me like that, I’ve been wrestling on the independent circuit, I can barely afford bread.
I really don’t appreciate having to spend my first pay cheque as a professional wrestler which exceeds two digits on Ben & Jerrys and tissues for somebody else because you can’t keep your clothes on. Seriously uncool. Now I have to wrestle my first match in a legitimate wrestling company in my sports bra and gym shorts.
Thanks a lot.
I don’t know what went on in that hotel room and quite honestly, I don’t want to.
All I know is that you hurt my sister and seemingly have a total lack of remorse and that simply won’t stand. I may not be eight foot tall, a twenty nine time former Women’s light heavyweight champette or some sort of Terminator from the future but that isn’t going to stop me clawing your eyes out.
And landing a few frogs splashes or something seen as I suppose that is what I am paid for.
Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand why you’d be attracted to Bertie, he’s smart, successful, Italian, rich, well groomed, Italian…wait…
Anyway the point is, I can appreciate why you’ve been completely incapable of ignoring your raging hormones but the fact is, he’s taken. In my world that means something. Like, you know, keep your dirty hands off of him. Men aren’t like wrestling titles that we have to fight over, chasing them because they’re pretty and to pass amongst ourselves…
OK bad example.
Either way, you wrapped your viperous little fingers around the wrong man and now I’ve just got an even bigger reason to beat you senseless. Not only will I earn my spot in the hottest tournament in women’s professional wrestling but I get to give you a valuable lesson.
Don’t mess with the Reeds. Just because my sister is a lawyer doesn’t mean she deserves to be miserable.
Win or lose this week, I promise I will leave Sacrifice a happy girl.
Because I am going to make you pay for what you’ve done to Hannah. As for Roberto, I’ll leave him for my sister, you might be able to say hello to him yourself sooner than you think, that is if he really has started to think with that “other head” of his since his concussion.
Wow…I really can sound pretty intimidating. This faux aggression thing is fun.
ACT I SCENE III
JEDI MASTER RA'S AL GHUL
Enter Simon de Montfort and Roberto Verona, cue knocking at a door.
Simon de Montfort: You may enter.
Enter Jessica Reed.
Jessica Reed: Wow, sir, this a real honour.
Simon de Montfort: Oh come now Miss Reed, there’s no need for…
Jessica Reed: You were amazing in Batman Begins, you were so menacing and if you don’t mind me saying you really look handsome with a beard. It’s so good that you two have been able to make up and-
Simon de Montfort: Miss Reed, I’ve never-
Jessica Reed: And I was so sad when Darth Maul killed you, was Anakin really doomed to fall to the Dark Side? And another thing, why does everyone hate Jar-Jar-
Simon de Montfort: Miss Reed!
Jessica Reed: And that time you kept fighting with an arrow through your testicle, how did you-
Simon de Montfort: MISS REED!
Jessica Reed: Yes?
Simon de Montfort: I’m not an actor. But what I do have is a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career; skills that make me a nightmare for people who get under my skin. If you calm down and leave my office, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you and I will fire you.
Cue long pause as Jessica stands aghast before clapping her hands giddily and leaving. Exit Jessica Reed.
Roberto Verona: Did you really have to indulge her?
Simon de Montfort: Did you really have to hire her?
Roberto Verona: Touché.
JEDI MASTER RA'S AL GHUL
Enter Simon de Montfort and Roberto Verona, cue knocking at a door.
Simon de Montfort: You may enter.
Enter Jessica Reed.
Jessica Reed: Wow, sir, this a real honour.
Simon de Montfort: Oh come now Miss Reed, there’s no need for…
Jessica Reed: You were amazing in Batman Begins, you were so menacing and if you don’t mind me saying you really look handsome with a beard. It’s so good that you two have been able to make up and-
Simon de Montfort: Miss Reed, I’ve never-
Jessica Reed: And I was so sad when Darth Maul killed you, was Anakin really doomed to fall to the Dark Side? And another thing, why does everyone hate Jar-Jar-
Simon de Montfort: Miss Reed!
Jessica Reed: And that time you kept fighting with an arrow through your testicle, how did you-
Simon de Montfort: MISS REED!
Jessica Reed: Yes?
Simon de Montfort: I’m not an actor. But what I do have is a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career; skills that make me a nightmare for people who get under my skin. If you calm down and leave my office, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you and I will fire you.
Cue long pause as Jessica stands aghast before clapping her hands giddily and leaving. Exit Jessica Reed.
Roberto Verona: Did you really have to indulge her?
Simon de Montfort: Did you really have to hire her?
Roberto Verona: Touché.
Well howdy there pardner.