Post by Angel Blake on Jun 18, 2014 18:38:50 GMT
Her skin was pale, soft and perfect. She was an angel in my arms with her hands tucked beneath her head, the picture of perfection…
Angel with his head bowed, black hair tied back behind his head with his daughter napping on the couch next to him. He looked at her adoringly for a long time, his eyes not that of a predator but of a father.
It’s easy to forget this feeling… Too easy…
His ex wife, Shelly Taylor stood in the door way leaning her shoulder against the frame. She smiled as her eyes met that of Angel ’s.
Shelly…
Once they’d had a fairy tale relationship, only it was Shelly who saved Angel from his demons, brought him back from the brink and together the blazed a glorious path in professional wrestling. But people change, hearts grew cold and eventually the man she loved was no more.
How could I have let you go?
In his place was this husk, this shell, it sounded like Angel, walked like Angel, but it wasn’t the Angel she knew, he was a thing to her now.
He stood up from the couch and walked over to where she stood, gently he reached out for her and placed his cold hand upon her warm cheek. She smiled, it was hard to deny the prickly feeling that ran down her spine but she couldn’t allow herself to fall for it. Angel is a user, he’s not capable of love.
”Shelly.”
He moved in closer to her but she pulled away.
”Angel, we talked about this.”
She walked past him and gently brushed her finger tops along the side of their daughter.
”You can see Hayleigh whenever you want but-“
He reached for her again, placing his hand on her shoulder.
”I’m not the same man, Shelly.”
”No, you’re worse.”
Worse.
Anger flashed in his eyes, his skin flushed red for a moment, he clenched his left fist and fought the urge to put her in her place.
”I need you.”
”You don’t need anybody. You don’t love anybody.”
How dare she.
He restrained himself, he did not grab her by the throat as he wanted or throw her down and claim her as he dreamed, he glared hard at the wall past her and repressed his desires.
”Look, I’m sorry about Aurora but don’t pretend this sudden desire to have a family is anything more than what it is.”
”And what is it?”
She looked at him, she almost pitied him but then she remembered who he was, the man she saw on the television who threatened women and abused his power. That’s not the Angel she used to love.
”A shallow attempt at filling the hole in your chest, Angel.”
I could take her right now, like I took Tara, Amber, I could make her beg me to stop…
His mind races with a million horrible thought but he doesn’t act on a single one of them and he isn’t sure why.
”Look Angel , you want to be a father to our daughter? Fine, be a father, be there for her but as far as you and me go? There’s no hope.”
Slowly his anger subsided, the crushing desire to compress her wind pipe in his hands faded and was replaced with a bitter sadness, this was, after all, his doing.
”I’ve got some errands to run, do you want to watch her for me?”
”I’d love to…”
She left him quickly, abruptly, she needed space to catch her breath, to calm her heart. Their meetings were becoming more intense, more personal, she couldn’t ignore his obvious effort to be a father again but she couldn’t ignore the awful things he did in the name of professional wrestling. Still, he was here now, with them and she knew that if he just wanted her he could take her, he restrained himself, fought his urges, why? Could something of his old self still be alive buried deep inside that monster? She didn’t know. So she sat in her car for a long time in an empty parking lot, her head in her hands with a single question running through her head.
”How could I still love him?”
I’m a slave and I am a master
No restraints and unchecked collectors
I exist through my needs… To self oblige
She is something in me that I despise.
”Strike you down?”
I allow the words to hang as you wait for me to appear.
”And why would I do that, Jake, why would I give you the honor of being a martyr to your people? Why would I go out of my to make you a part of my legacy?”
“Jake ‘The Ace’ Conway won’t even be a foot note in my Testament. “
“I know you hold yourself in high esteem, you falsely believe that you’re a legend in this business, I know your ego needs that single moment to hold onto to validate your whole career and this Sunday night will not be it. Jake ‘The Ace’ Conway will throw his righteous right hand into the face of Authority and it will be met with a smirk.”
Slowly your blood pressure begins to rise as you wait for me.
”A fight is what I want, giving you something to fight for is what I do. I threaten your wife, your children, your friends all in an effort to get a rise out of you because I know WEAK men such as yourself NEED something to fight for.”
“You’ve given up on the idea of being the best, the task was too difficult for you to achieve so you have sunk yourself deep into the roll of a loving father and husband, burying your burning desire to be thought of as a legend beneath the love of your family.”
“They keep you sane.”
“They are your single greatest weakness. They hold you back, they hold you down. They keep you from rising to the top because you need to be their Superman. Kathy detests beings such as myself, beings who will do what needs to be done to assure victory. Your daughters? They could never curl up safely in the arms of a monster.”
“No.”
“So you hide behind them, use them as your human shield so that when you lose to me, to God, you may still exclaim that you have me beaten at life.”
I scoff in the darkness.
”But do you?”
And laugh.
”Have you really beaten me at life, Jake, when I am the one who has literally done everything you have ever promised to do right down to raising a beautiful little girl who looks up to me?”
“Have you really won in the end?”
“You’re family is proud of you no matter the out come of a single match but deep down inside you and I both know you will hate yourself. They will see a winner regardless but you will stare long into the blue eyed reflection in the mirror and hate yourself for once again being inferior to me. They may hail you until your dying day but you will die knowing you were never the better man.”
“I will live, free of the burden of conscience, knowing I have lived life to it’s fullest potential and accomplished every goal I have ever set for myself. I will live a long, happy life knowing that I am the greatest wrestler to ever set foot inside the ring. I will live as a legend and a God, a Hall of Fame World Champion in every promotion I have ever called home. I will live, Jake, your dreams.”
My voice is cold and mocking.
”Never doubting my skill or my passion, knowing with each stride that I walk the path of Greatness. You see Jake, when you have a purpose, a mission, when you fight for something greater than yourself there is nothing you can’t accomplish and there is no one who can stand in your way.”
“That’s why you fail.”
“By providing myself as the ultimate villain I have given the professional wrestling world something to aspire toward, each of you clamber over the other for a chance to knock me down off my pedestal and prove yourselves greater than me. I have given you a purpose, a mission, I have given you light and though you shield your eyes so as to not become blinded, you march forward with a single goal.”
“Kill God.”
I take a moment to reflect upon my great gift, truly I am a giver if nothing else.
”But you, Jake, you turn from my light, refuse to take up the fight, you stand with your back to me and your family by your side. So I provided the push you needed to stand up to me. Gave you an incentive to fight and look valiantly you have taken to your new mission. Why you should be thanking me, Jake, you should be down on your knees praising me for it is because of me that you have found the strength to stand opposed.”
“You’re welcome.”
“You see, I take great pleasure in being the push that makes you move, without me, Jake, you’d just be in another random match somewhere on the card against a meaningless opponent. You’d waste valuable minutes informing this opponent how pointless the match really is because in the end you are Jake Conway before you are The Ace and for that reason alone your life is already rich with the sweet victory of satisfaction.”
Pretty on the nose.
”However now you will have something of note to say, a reason to stand up and flex those powerful intellectual muscles as you seek desperately for the flaws in my methods so that you may verbally rip me to shreds. Unwittingly you will become just another pawn in a much larger game of chess that I am orchestrating and by fighting against me you provide me with exactly what I want.”
“A triumph.”
“I am not happy to sit back on my laurels and just be the IWF World Champion, I DEMAND a challenge, I DEMAND competition, I DEMAND your very best and Jake Conway would not have given me his very best. Jake Conway would have stood across from me and been destroyed with a goofy smile on his face content in the knowledge that his precious family will be there for him.”
“Defeating The Ace will be a triumph, The Ace will try, he will fight, he will come at me with every fiber of his being knowing that if he fails it won’t be him that suffers…”
Where there once was darkness now there is light and it is glorious as it shines down upon me and my World Championship.
”It will be his family.”
I sneer from my throne and laugh.
”Fail and I promise Kathy will be made to FEEL my glory.”
I won’t let this build up inside of me
I won’t let this build up inside of me
I won’t let this build up inside of me
I won’t let this build up inside of me
I won’t let this build up inside of me
I won’t let this build up inside of me
I won’t let this build up inside of me
I won’t let this build up inside of me
Black eyes. Deep black eyes. They see every flaw, every crack, every single little error. Black eyes that never blink, never flutter. They never stop staring.
My eyes…
But were they his? He doesn’t remember them being so black and full of hate. He reaches up and places his hand on his face.
My face…
But it’s not his face either. No. It’s the face of man who died a long time ago. A tormentor. An abuser. It’s the face of his father and he’s laughing. Laughing and laughing. He doesn’t stop now. He’s always laughing, in every reflection, it’s all he can hear sometimes.
”Stop.”
He can feel his own cracks growing, the walls are coming down and the man with the black eyes is laughing. He’d always called him weak, pitiful, disgusting. He fought all his life to prove his worth, to shed his mortal coil and become something more than his father ever could have imagined.
He became a God.
But those eyes refused to blink or look away, they refused to admit what he had become, they refused. His fist clenched tight. His teeth ground together. He could feel the walls coming down brick by brick by brick.
His fist crashed against the glass, shattered the image of the pale faced man with the black eyes. The laughter ceased but he did not. His fist slammed into the broken shards of the mirror again and again and again. Blood squirted from the freshly opened wounds and splashed against his face.
”AHHHHHHH!!!”
He screamed. Collapsed. His head cradled in his hands. He closed his eyes, he could see their faces, his Hayleigh… His Shelly… He would make them his again. He had to. The way he saw it they were his only hope. They were all that remained of the man he used to be. Before the monster. Before God. He was a man, a better man than his father ever was.
I could be better…
He wanted to believe that.
She isn’t real…
I can’t make her real.
Angel with his head bowed, black hair tied back behind his head with his daughter napping on the couch next to him. He looked at her adoringly for a long time, his eyes not that of a predator but of a father.
It’s easy to forget this feeling… Too easy…
His ex wife, Shelly Taylor stood in the door way leaning her shoulder against the frame. She smiled as her eyes met that of Angel ’s.
Shelly…
Once they’d had a fairy tale relationship, only it was Shelly who saved Angel from his demons, brought him back from the brink and together the blazed a glorious path in professional wrestling. But people change, hearts grew cold and eventually the man she loved was no more.
How could I have let you go?
In his place was this husk, this shell, it sounded like Angel, walked like Angel, but it wasn’t the Angel she knew, he was a thing to her now.
He stood up from the couch and walked over to where she stood, gently he reached out for her and placed his cold hand upon her warm cheek. She smiled, it was hard to deny the prickly feeling that ran down her spine but she couldn’t allow herself to fall for it. Angel is a user, he’s not capable of love.
”Shelly.”
He moved in closer to her but she pulled away.
”Angel, we talked about this.”
She walked past him and gently brushed her finger tops along the side of their daughter.
”You can see Hayleigh whenever you want but-“
He reached for her again, placing his hand on her shoulder.
”I’m not the same man, Shelly.”
”No, you’re worse.”
Worse.
Anger flashed in his eyes, his skin flushed red for a moment, he clenched his left fist and fought the urge to put her in her place.
”I need you.”
”You don’t need anybody. You don’t love anybody.”
How dare she.
He restrained himself, he did not grab her by the throat as he wanted or throw her down and claim her as he dreamed, he glared hard at the wall past her and repressed his desires.
”Look, I’m sorry about Aurora but don’t pretend this sudden desire to have a family is anything more than what it is.”
”And what is it?”
She looked at him, she almost pitied him but then she remembered who he was, the man she saw on the television who threatened women and abused his power. That’s not the Angel she used to love.
”A shallow attempt at filling the hole in your chest, Angel.”
I could take her right now, like I took Tara, Amber, I could make her beg me to stop…
His mind races with a million horrible thought but he doesn’t act on a single one of them and he isn’t sure why.
”Look Angel , you want to be a father to our daughter? Fine, be a father, be there for her but as far as you and me go? There’s no hope.”
Slowly his anger subsided, the crushing desire to compress her wind pipe in his hands faded and was replaced with a bitter sadness, this was, after all, his doing.
”I’ve got some errands to run, do you want to watch her for me?”
”I’d love to…”
She left him quickly, abruptly, she needed space to catch her breath, to calm her heart. Their meetings were becoming more intense, more personal, she couldn’t ignore his obvious effort to be a father again but she couldn’t ignore the awful things he did in the name of professional wrestling. Still, he was here now, with them and she knew that if he just wanted her he could take her, he restrained himself, fought his urges, why? Could something of his old self still be alive buried deep inside that monster? She didn’t know. So she sat in her car for a long time in an empty parking lot, her head in her hands with a single question running through her head.
”How could I still love him?”
I’m a slave and I am a master
No restraints and unchecked collectors
I exist through my needs… To self oblige
She is something in me that I despise.
”Strike you down?”
I allow the words to hang as you wait for me to appear.
”And why would I do that, Jake, why would I give you the honor of being a martyr to your people? Why would I go out of my to make you a part of my legacy?”
“Jake ‘The Ace’ Conway won’t even be a foot note in my Testament. “
“I know you hold yourself in high esteem, you falsely believe that you’re a legend in this business, I know your ego needs that single moment to hold onto to validate your whole career and this Sunday night will not be it. Jake ‘The Ace’ Conway will throw his righteous right hand into the face of Authority and it will be met with a smirk.”
Slowly your blood pressure begins to rise as you wait for me.
”A fight is what I want, giving you something to fight for is what I do. I threaten your wife, your children, your friends all in an effort to get a rise out of you because I know WEAK men such as yourself NEED something to fight for.”
“You’ve given up on the idea of being the best, the task was too difficult for you to achieve so you have sunk yourself deep into the roll of a loving father and husband, burying your burning desire to be thought of as a legend beneath the love of your family.”
“They keep you sane.”
“They are your single greatest weakness. They hold you back, they hold you down. They keep you from rising to the top because you need to be their Superman. Kathy detests beings such as myself, beings who will do what needs to be done to assure victory. Your daughters? They could never curl up safely in the arms of a monster.”
“No.”
“So you hide behind them, use them as your human shield so that when you lose to me, to God, you may still exclaim that you have me beaten at life.”
I scoff in the darkness.
”But do you?”
And laugh.
”Have you really beaten me at life, Jake, when I am the one who has literally done everything you have ever promised to do right down to raising a beautiful little girl who looks up to me?”
“Have you really won in the end?”
“You’re family is proud of you no matter the out come of a single match but deep down inside you and I both know you will hate yourself. They will see a winner regardless but you will stare long into the blue eyed reflection in the mirror and hate yourself for once again being inferior to me. They may hail you until your dying day but you will die knowing you were never the better man.”
“I will live, free of the burden of conscience, knowing I have lived life to it’s fullest potential and accomplished every goal I have ever set for myself. I will live a long, happy life knowing that I am the greatest wrestler to ever set foot inside the ring. I will live as a legend and a God, a Hall of Fame World Champion in every promotion I have ever called home. I will live, Jake, your dreams.”
My voice is cold and mocking.
”Never doubting my skill or my passion, knowing with each stride that I walk the path of Greatness. You see Jake, when you have a purpose, a mission, when you fight for something greater than yourself there is nothing you can’t accomplish and there is no one who can stand in your way.”
“That’s why you fail.”
“By providing myself as the ultimate villain I have given the professional wrestling world something to aspire toward, each of you clamber over the other for a chance to knock me down off my pedestal and prove yourselves greater than me. I have given you a purpose, a mission, I have given you light and though you shield your eyes so as to not become blinded, you march forward with a single goal.”
“Kill God.”
I take a moment to reflect upon my great gift, truly I am a giver if nothing else.
”But you, Jake, you turn from my light, refuse to take up the fight, you stand with your back to me and your family by your side. So I provided the push you needed to stand up to me. Gave you an incentive to fight and look valiantly you have taken to your new mission. Why you should be thanking me, Jake, you should be down on your knees praising me for it is because of me that you have found the strength to stand opposed.”
“You’re welcome.”
“You see, I take great pleasure in being the push that makes you move, without me, Jake, you’d just be in another random match somewhere on the card against a meaningless opponent. You’d waste valuable minutes informing this opponent how pointless the match really is because in the end you are Jake Conway before you are The Ace and for that reason alone your life is already rich with the sweet victory of satisfaction.”
Pretty on the nose.
”However now you will have something of note to say, a reason to stand up and flex those powerful intellectual muscles as you seek desperately for the flaws in my methods so that you may verbally rip me to shreds. Unwittingly you will become just another pawn in a much larger game of chess that I am orchestrating and by fighting against me you provide me with exactly what I want.”
“A triumph.”
“I am not happy to sit back on my laurels and just be the IWF World Champion, I DEMAND a challenge, I DEMAND competition, I DEMAND your very best and Jake Conway would not have given me his very best. Jake Conway would have stood across from me and been destroyed with a goofy smile on his face content in the knowledge that his precious family will be there for him.”
“Defeating The Ace will be a triumph, The Ace will try, he will fight, he will come at me with every fiber of his being knowing that if he fails it won’t be him that suffers…”
Where there once was darkness now there is light and it is glorious as it shines down upon me and my World Championship.
”It will be his family.”
I sneer from my throne and laugh.
”Fail and I promise Kathy will be made to FEEL my glory.”
I won’t let this build up inside of me
I won’t let this build up inside of me
I won’t let this build up inside of me
I won’t let this build up inside of me
I won’t let this build up inside of me
I won’t let this build up inside of me
I won’t let this build up inside of me
I won’t let this build up inside of me
Black eyes. Deep black eyes. They see every flaw, every crack, every single little error. Black eyes that never blink, never flutter. They never stop staring.
My eyes…
But were they his? He doesn’t remember them being so black and full of hate. He reaches up and places his hand on his face.
My face…
But it’s not his face either. No. It’s the face of man who died a long time ago. A tormentor. An abuser. It’s the face of his father and he’s laughing. Laughing and laughing. He doesn’t stop now. He’s always laughing, in every reflection, it’s all he can hear sometimes.
”Stop.”
He can feel his own cracks growing, the walls are coming down and the man with the black eyes is laughing. He’d always called him weak, pitiful, disgusting. He fought all his life to prove his worth, to shed his mortal coil and become something more than his father ever could have imagined.
He became a God.
But those eyes refused to blink or look away, they refused to admit what he had become, they refused. His fist clenched tight. His teeth ground together. He could feel the walls coming down brick by brick by brick.
His fist crashed against the glass, shattered the image of the pale faced man with the black eyes. The laughter ceased but he did not. His fist slammed into the broken shards of the mirror again and again and again. Blood squirted from the freshly opened wounds and splashed against his face.
”AHHHHHHH!!!”
He screamed. Collapsed. His head cradled in his hands. He closed his eyes, he could see their faces, his Hayleigh… His Shelly… He would make them his again. He had to. The way he saw it they were his only hope. They were all that remained of the man he used to be. Before the monster. Before God. He was a man, a better man than his father ever was.
I could be better…
He wanted to believe that.
She isn’t real…
I can’t make her real.
Well howdy there pardner.