Post by Craig on Jun 15, 2013 17:28:54 GMT
"We're about what, 30 hours away from the opening bell for the first pay per view in IWF history? The closer this bell time comes the more I reflect on what I've done the past month and what I've said in this past month. Chicago has to be buzzing with excitement for what they'll see tomorrow night. Right now I'm in London. Yes, I will be there in time for this show barring any delays so rest your fears, dear fans, you will be there to see myself and Alex Jones probably beat one another senseless until the ref has no choice but to stop the match.
Pride, ladies and gentlemen, is what keeps two men fighting when they don't see eye to eye on so many different ideas. Pride, the one thing that kept me going for the better part of four months a while ago when nothing else was going right. The ability to hold my head high no matter the situation is something I've always enjoyed. That feeling, though, is something I don't get to experience all that often.
Do you know what it feels like to wake up, take your medication so you keep a gun out of your mouth because you hate lookin' at yourself in the mirror when you wake up? That's me. People don't understand how much I hate myself for what I've done in my life. When I look back on it everything involving my ex-wife was my own fault. I twisted the story to make myself look like the victim when I was anything but. No one remembers that I slept with Alysson Gardner before Megan began to give herself to anything.
My own ability to contort the past to how I want to see is something I do quite often. We see things how we want to see them when looking back. Why do you think so many people say they enjoyed high school when in reality it was either awful or really awful? Why do you think people look past the flaws of the one's they loved when they've passed away. We want to remember the best things about the people we know all the time because when we see the flaws this is when we begin to loathe our friends.
When I look back at my history I see the bad. When I look back at my wrestling history I see the bad and yet I try to get it to a way where I can try to make myself feel happy but then these thoughts creep into my head telling me how worthless I am, how stupid I am and how I've wasted everyone's time for the past nine years. People want to bring up my so called retirements. I've only officially done it once. I've walked away from wrestling but that is completely different.
I wouldn't expect someone like you to know the difference. People don't like to use their heads while they think about what I've done like I do. Yes, I make bad decisions but there's a reason for it. Everything in life has some reason behind it even if we don't see it. It's easy to pass judgment on me isn't it Alex? You can get on your high horse, say a few words about my personal life when I've kept yours out of it and expect me not to hate you?
No, no, Alex, you don't get it at all. Because I admit I contort history to make people either seem better or worse then they actually were here's where it doesn't matter. People know you, Alex. They know how much you complain and moan. That's not me trying to make something up, that's a fact and it's widely accepted. You, Alex Jones, are one of the worst men in wrestling and I'm not far behind you or in front of you depending on who you ask.
You sit there and contort your own history to make me look like the bad guy for having the guts to speak the truth about your professional life. Professional life. I don't care what you do in your spare time. I don't care if you go out and murder a hooker every night because you get off on it. All that matters is what we do in the ring so to mention my family in the manner that you did crossed that line between professional and personal with anything more that I've said about you in the past month.
This is why I don't hate you, Alex. No, hate is too easy of an emotion to get past. Hate is something I reserve for only man in the world and we all know who he is and you're not him. You're like him but you're not him. See, I struck a nerve in the comparsion. Now in the back of Alex's mind he's wondering why, why would I say something like that. I said it because it's the truth. Been around a lot of men in this business who bitched and moaned about never getting their chance.
The greatest go up and get it without anyone backing them. The greatest don't say they want a war with the Kane family and then go onto say they don't want any part of hate with one of them. That doesn't make any sense at all. How can you declare war without hate? War, throughout history, has had some hate involved with it. So declared a war on myself and my family and then to say you don't want any hate at all is just...
This is why I can't hate you, Alex. As I said, hate is too easy. I loathe you, Jones. Everything you think you stand for, the way you want people to believe in you when you didn't even give two shits about them for a long time in your career. I was never a man of the people but at least I'm trying to give back now in my career. At least I'm trying to act like a good person to these people. You? You don't care about them. You just want them to get on their feet and cheer you because of the ability you have.
You want them to love you as much as you love yourself. No one loves Alex Jones more than Alex Jones. No one hates Brad Kane more than Brad Kane. I'm a realist, Alex, I know I'm not perfect. I've been a bad person through my life just like you have. I'm trying to fix it, you aren't. You're in your cycle, Jones, and done nothing to break out of it. One of your monikers speaks every single bit of truth about how you feel about yourself.
The Prince of Perfection.
That right there should tell everyone in two seconds everything they should know about the man I face tomorrow night in Chicago at the legendary Solider Field. Alex Jones, for as flawed and fucked up as I am, I know that I am better than you are. I accept my flaws, I look in the mirror and hate myself every day. I can stop hating myself someday, Alex, but I'll never stop loathing you.
Peace."
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Contrary to what the song stated in the past, London Bridge is not falling down. In fact I'm looking at it right now, kinda. On a postcard. Nina apparently collects them. Didn't know that about her. Freya looks through them with her while I sit on a bench waiting to get paid for today. Yeah, calling a show for a buddy of mine tonight. Should be fun. Soon as that show is over, cab to the airport and off to Chicago. I haven't had this busy of a weekend in a long time. Freya's boyfriend, Cameron, sits next to me annoyed himself.
Brad: Women, right?
Cameron: Yep. Freya drew on my face last night while I was sleep. Swear she's like a teenager sometimes.
I nod my head in agreement. She does act like one a lot. Then there are times where she can take control of a situation. Though she is without her kids as is Nina so the two of them have to find someway to goof off and let out all that built up steam.
Brad: Yeah, I crashed last night and woke up to see Nina reading through my theories journal. None to happy about that?
Cameron: Theories journal?
Brad: Nothing you need to concern yourself with, friend.
Cameron and I are business partners. He wanted his own restaurant and I supplied the funding to make it happen. Hellva good place to eat. Guy is a whiz with Italian food and handling my cousin's wild mood swings. Nina and Freya exit the little shop giggling before looking at us.
Nina: Look at these bored guys. Seems like their ladies left them all alone.
Freya: Good thing no one stole them. I'd be upset. This fella on the right appears to be handsome. Looks like he can cook too.
Nina: Suppose I'll take the one on the left then. Sure he looks like a hobo so he probably needs a place to stay...
Women, man, sometimes I don't get them at all. They keep giggling like a couple of kids while I stand up and shake my head. Cameron does the exact same thing. Those two pace myself and Nina. Nina takes hold of my hand and smiles. She's had a great weekend so far, really.
Nina: We didn't take too long did we, Pooh Bear?
I hate it when she calls me that around people. Freya lets out a huge "HAH!" which angers me. Sometimes I think Nina just likes to troll me with that name, I really do. I sigh and shake my head again.
Nina: What's the matter? Hate it when I call you Pooh Bear around people?
Brad: You know, in an alternate timeline you wouldn't be calling me Pooh Bear...
Nina: Oh there you go again with this stuff. You know, I read that journal you have. When we get home you're getting set up to go see a shrink. All the blows to the head have made you gone a little crazy, husband. Its time we fix this silly idea that you're from a different timeline.
This is why I didn't want her reading it. Probably should've hid it a lot better then what I did. My talk with Alastair left me uneasy and it still has, honestly. I still feel as if he knew and didn't want to expose the truth for some reason.
Nina: Don't fight me on this either, mister. You will be doing this and you will like it!
Brad: Yes ma'am.
Nina: Don't you yes ma'am me! Bradley, I don't want you making the kids all scared not thinking their father is their father. You're making me on edge enough lately as it is.
Brad: Sorry. I'll try to stop.
And there's a good lie.
Nina: Good, good. Now lets enjoy this free time before we have to run around like chickens with our heads cut off.
I nod my head to make Nina happy. I'd do everything but drop this to make her happy. I can't stop how I feel about this. I won't until I get the answers I deserve. Sometimes its just better to not fight it when she brings it up. I want her to enjoy this weekend, and she did last night for a few hours, rather then worry about me getting lost in these thoughts. Fake smile solves any problem. I learned at a young age on how to hide my real emotions. I use it to this day.
Freya: You suck, Brad!
And naturally when Freya acts like this I want to harm her. I come back from my thoughts to see Freya laughing at me. I don't know why and I don't really care much. I just want answers.
Well howdy there pardner.