Visa Schmisa

[Malaki Toala]

{ Our scene opens in a hotel lobby as we re-join our intrepid heroes, Joey Leroux and Malaki Toala who have been absent for a lengthy spell from our screens. Malaki marches away from the reception desk, two large suitcases clutched in his giant paws as Joey scampishly darts to either side of him trying to keep up. }

Malaki Toala: This is entirely your fault.

{ Joey stands with his mouth open, aghast. }

Joey Leroux: Moi? I’m hurt.

Malaki Toala: You’re an idiot.

Joey Leroux: Well that’s a little uncalled for…

{ Malaki cocks an eyebrow. }

Malaki Toala: Uncalled for? Really? This coming from a guy who can’t even complete a simple task for the benefit of his client, who, by the way, is the reason you have a three figure salary for first time in your career.

Joey Leroux: It was a simple mistake.

Malaki Toala: I asked you to fill out my visa renewal, not sign me up for a VISA debit card you moron. I’ve been stuck in Samoa for six months because you can’t read properly.

Joey Leroux: Oh visa, schmisa, they’re easy to confuse for one another…

Malaki Toala: If you possess the life skills of a 6 foot toddler perhaps, yes.

Joey Leroux: Ok, ok, you’re right, it was my mistake…

Malaki Toala: And another thing, what happened to the card you got out in my name?

Joey Leroux: Well I…. erm….

{ Malaki’s eyes widen. }

Joey Leroux: Let’s just say you might not want to visit Las Vegas any time soon…

Malaki Toala: You’ve got to be kidding me… I wondered why they declined card at the airport.

Joey Leroux: Hey, relax, I’ve got this covered. I filed a stolen card report.

Malaki Toala: And why will that work?

Joey Leroux: I told them to check the casino security cameras and tell me that the little weedy guy using your card looked like a giant Samoan whose global profile prevents him from walking ten feet without being asked for an autograph.

{ Malaki prepares to respond before pausing for a moment and cocking his head. }

Malaki Toala: In a weird, twisted, depraved way that actually makes sense. Won’t they recognize it is you?

Joey Leroux: Ah! No!

{ Joey proclaims proudly, grasping the sides of his jackets and raising his head in the air. }

Joey Leroux: I was in disguise. I’m pretty sure the last time I was there I married one of my…. Erm, lady friends.

Malaki Toala: You’re disgusting.

{ Joey wags a fingers defiantly. }

Joey Leroux: Ah, ah, ah! I was disgusting, now I am a reformed character.

Malaki Toala: It’s because you’re Dad finally found out you were leeching from his private account isn’t it?

Joey Leroux: Hey, he would never have gone looking if you hadn’t spear the old reptile out of his shoes at Night of the Immortals.

{ Malaki tilts his head and shrugs his shoulders in agreement. }

Malaki Toala: Fair point. Did you speak to Verona?

Joey Leroux: Yes, yes…

Malaki Toala: And he knows that I am going to be at Sacrifice, right?

Joey Leroux: Sure thing.

{ Malaki looks at Joey who smiles nervously before shaking his head and stepping onto an elevator. }

Malaki Toala: I need to rest, just…. Don’t get into any trouble, alright?

Joey Leroux: Who, me? You have my word.

{ Malaki rolls his eyes as the doors begin to close and Joey awkwardly waves at him before wiping his brown when he’s out of sight. }

Joey Leroux: I’m sure Roberto won’t mind too much if Malaki just shows up…

Well, well, well.

If it isn't Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumber, I still see you're pretty keen on running your mouths boys, but then I wouldn't expect less from God's favourite little cockroaches. How is the business of leeching of a superior going for you two these days?

After all, you were pretty keen to jump ship from one Imperial Champion to the next. It's just a shame that I don't think Mike Laszlo will be hiring once he's done putting your Tickle-Me-Angel back in his box after he knocks him off his pulpit this weekend.

Then again, I guess there's always going to be somebody looking for two people stupid enough to put their bodies on the line repeatedly in an attempt to slow down any opposition and keep them from harm.

Normally they're called crash dummies, but they tend to possess a greater number of brain cells between them than you two can muster together. Don't worry, if there are any left I'll be sure to evict them this Sunday when I make Egyptian embalming techniques look like a walk in the fucking park.

You're going to wrap them in bandages and place their internal organs in little jars? I don't think that was involved in our match strategy...

I wasn't being literal... just, shut up, ok?

Granted, it's been a while but in my... allegedly unavoidable absence, I've kept myself sharp, preparing for the moment that I would be granted my return to in-ring action and what better way to warm myself up than making it abundantly clear who the real shining star from Joey's little gaggle of misfits really was.

I may be a former Imperial champion, but for all the times you've laid on prostrate on your back for your Lord and saviour I don't see a ring on those fingers boys.

Your God may have ended my title reign, but at least I don't have to run around this joint clutching desperately to a set of defunct belts to retain some semblance of self-belief and relevance. You'd think that any God worth his salt would have tossed a few minor title reigns your way in gratitude for your service as willing, obedient disciples.

I guess Angel is either a lot smarter than I ever gave him credit for or you two are quite content to sell yourselves cheap. Then again, I guess it's a simple case of supply and demand; Angel demands it, and you two idiots stupidly supply it for little reward in return.

I mean besides effectively blacklisting yourselves from any and all social events involving your colleagues.

If only those two schmucks had listened to me, I can spot a cheap date a mile off.

Seriously?

What? I never said it wasn't because of personal experience.

{ Malaki shakes his head as Joey sheepishly looks at the floor and backs away. }

I know this may take your entire collective willpower but, if you could indulge me for a moment, allow me to ask you both a question.

What will you do when Angel isn't around?

What are you going to do when your master falls and you are cast out into the wilderness? It is inevitable, unless you truly want to believe the shit he's been peddling you about his eternal divinity. Verona already cut off his real source of power, because we all know that chicken shit aint' capable of doing any of his own dirty work. Some day, and trust me it'll be sooner than you two clowns think, Angel won't be there to give you his castoffs and hand-me-downs.

You'll be alone, left to fend for yourselves and when you've pissed off the wolves that circles around looking to feed on the scraps of a fallen empire let's just say they won't stop punishing you until they've had their fill.

It's quite fitting really, I know I'll enjoy watching as you suffer from the same dirty tactics you've employed over and over again in service of a fallible man.

And trust me, he is only a man, no matter what he and his little gutter tramp tell you.

I know some people have wondered if I'd ever return, if I was a broken man because I didn't get the job done all those months ago against the world's biggest fraud. I'm man enough to admit that there were moment's where I wondered if I was better off returning to rugby and forgetting about this business, after all I accomplished everything you can really aspire to in barely half a year, why drudge up unpleasant memories?

Yet, I've never allowed failure to define me.

Nobody is perfect, anybody who stands in front of this camera and professes that they are is a liar and believe me, the day they're found out they'll tuck their tails between their legs and either run to the nearest federation that'll take them and rub their bruised ego or backtrack and pretend like it never happened.

I've never bought into deluding myself.

I had a good run, some would say one of the most impressive of anybody in this company's history based on the timescale of my achievements and sure, I am proud of it but I wouldn't be a driven man if I couldn't tell you right now that even if my reign had lasted 365 days, I'd still sit back and ask myself...

Malaki, can't you do better?

I've been ready for this for a long time and when the phone rang and Seth asked for my help, I knew it was time to return, to begin a new path, one which will surpass the one I have tread before. I've never lacked confidence, and nor will I ever, I am determined to prove myself again and this time eclipse everything I achieved before.

And it start's this weekend, with you two.

You've been allowed to run roughshod over anybody who dared challenge the almighty Angel Blake, picking them off when they stood alone but this weekend, Seth won't be alone. Seth will be stood next to an immovable object who is hell-bent on sending you two crawling back to your master like the little bitches that you are.

You can peddle your idle threats and you can try your best to get into our heads but me and Seth are unified under one goal.

To see Angel Blake fall and to have our revenge. One by one.

We don't need any greater motivation to work together as a team to dispatch his most irritating of plagues this weekend when we put the self-proclaimed Tag Team champions back in their cesspool you crawled out of before making a bee line for your cash cow and putting that son of a bitch in the ground where he deserves to be.

So take your vitamins,, say your prayers, do whatever the hell it is you redneck degenerates do for fun because I guarantee that once I get my hands on you, your twisted little nirvana is going to turn into a real nightmare.

I'm coming for you.

I ride with Seth Evans and the entire roster at my back.

I am the Scourge of God.

And I will watch your world burn.