Post by Eddie D. on Dec 2, 2014 20:31:04 GMT
Along time ago in a galaxy far, far away…
ROB MOTHER LOVING DIAMOND CAME BACK FROM THE MOTHER LOVING DEAD TO KICK ALL YOUR ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111
Wassup you delinquent looking sons of bitches you. Rob Diamond here and I just wanted to let everyone know that I ain’t dead. Not even close. In fact I’m so not dead that the Grim Reaper had to do a double take on his way past my place last week.
Make sense? No? Don’t care!
Fact of the matter is my FINGER IS NOW A FULLY OPERATIONAL BATTLE STATION!!!! And I’m just counting down the hours and minutes until I decide to come up in your butthole like a senior at prom in the back seat of his Volkswagon!
EXTRMELY UNCOMFORTABLE!
And when I do OHHHH you better believe shit is gonna get real. Shit is gonna get so real that all the rape and incest and gay sex floating around the IWF is gonna look silly because I am going to kill so many people.
HOW MANY PEOPLE!?
Man I’m gonna kill every single mother lover in the crowd with a pipe bomb laced with poisonous gas!
AND THEN!!!! I may just have my way with their dead bodies because that’s the kind of thing that floats all the boats around the IWF these days. These freaking people just can’t get enough of the rape and sex and all that. Hell, there’s more sex going on in IWF than at most whore houses.
Did I mention all the chicken choking in the back too!?
Jesus is there a lot of chicken choking. I mean, I thought it was bad back in my day when Adam Knite and big Gib would molest all the rookies in a twisted circle jerk with flames and barbed wire but now? Someone gave Alex Jones a full case of Lubriderm and free reign to do whatever the hell he wants.
AND IT’S NOT JUST HIM!!!!
Just last week I called up that pansy ass douche bag Warren Kidd to remind him how much he sucks in general comparison to me and he was in the middle of a full on rape session with Judas Alliah and some guy that looks exactly like Homeless Harold but like thirty or so years younger.
SHITS CRAZY!!!!
And what is the point of all this jawing I’m doing right now?
It’s to let all you mother truckers know that I’ve been paying attention. I’ve been watching. Each and every one of you as you’ve gone right ahead and made total freaking idiots of yourselves sucking off whomever in the back of whatever while that one guy totally beat you like you was in fight club.
I’VE BEEN WATCHING!
And I’m ready, willing and able to mock you all into the ground until you can’t take it anymore. And while you’re laying in that heap crying yourself crazy I’m going to wrap you up tight in my little submission hold called Sweet Dreams and choke yo bitch ass out!
See, now that I’m just about ready to strap on a pair of boots and put on a pair of glossy looking underwear again, I’m also ready to make ya’ll eat every single word you’ve ever uttered about being anything other than a punching bag to a guy like me.
See, guys like me we ain’t afraid to say something clichéd to sound tough and shit. We ain’t afraid to make very public threats we’d normally go to jail for because. We ain’t afraid to say a whole lot of stuff that doesn’t actually mean anything and add a little swearing to the lord almighty on top of it.
We ain’t afraid.
So when you see a guy like me standing across the ring from you you know you’re about to be in a world of hurt because I’m gonna say stuff. And that stuff is gonna cut you to the quick because I may just mean it. And even if I don’t mean I still said it and it’s gonna make you wonder because you have no idea what I’m really capable of. Because this world is full of people who do things and those things most other people aren’t capable of but a guy like me will say I’m capable of it just to get a rise out of you and when I say it you will shake and shake until I stop saying it and then there may be some sang about guns and triggers and who can or can’t pull it and….
What the hell was I saying?
DOESN’T MATTER!!!!!
Because I’m Rob mother loving Diamond and the fact of the matter is I’m the best goddamn wrestler in the world!
What was that?
Prove it?
Oh I sure as shit will and when I do you won’t know what the hell hit you.
Rob Diamond is coming back baby and shit is gonna get real.
However in the mean time I’m playing single parent with my nearly one year old girl Hope and man… It’s been pretty awesome to have this much free time to spend with her.
Yes, this is the part of the promo where you get an in-depth look at my life and what Rob Diamond is like outside of the ring.
“Come on, say it.”
Hope giggles from her bouncy swing that hang off a door frame that they stopped selling in like 1988 but I managed to get off ebay for like $32.50. Things amazing. I put her in that, she jumps herself stupid, passes out and Daddy gets a little him time alone with Whitney Stevens. I don’t care if she’s retired, she did some quality work…
Look it up.
“Please say it. Say Daddy?”
She just laughs at me and swings her foam Thor hammer into the side of my head… I freaking hate Thor.
“Don’t push it, she’ll say it when she’s ready.”
“But why isn’t she ready now?”
I try to sound adorable as the live in baby sitter walks into the kitchen, names Jasmine and I’m sure one of you racist mother truckers will notice she has a nice light mocha tone to her skin. She’s like a younger, hotter, none horse looking Halle Berry.
“You can’t push it, kids speak when their ready. I remember my little sister didn’t say her first words forever, or so it seemed.”
“Yeah.”
She’s freaking gorgeous, I’m talking perfect features. I don’t know how this chick didn’t have a job. I mean, I had an add online for like an hour before I got the text message from her and one look and I had to hire her, I mean, have you seen her? Gorgeous… I wonder if I should of background checked her.
“Yeah, trust me. So I thought I heard you cutting a promo earlier, you getting ready to go back?”
“Yup. Why, you gonna miss me?”
I thought I picked up a hint of a blush from her. No way a chick that hot digs me. No way.
“I’m just curious when Hope and I are going to have ourselves some girl time.”
Damn.
“Soon, I just gotta dot some T’s and stuff like that. Berto wants to make it all official and stuff.”
“The ever important and stuff.”
“Yup, heh.”
Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.
“Well I better go work out or something, gotta keep my finger stretched out…”
“And I’ve got to feed Hope.”
STOP MAKING THINGS SO AWKWARD YOU IDIOT!
“Talk to ya later Jazz.”
“Kk.”
You know, for a guy who has been with A LOT of women, I’m a real pussy sometimes. But that’s neither here nor there because I am headed to work out. I’m gonna DDK yoga up in this bitch and when I return ya’ll gonna find out how it feels to get straight up kicked in the balls by the greatest of all time.
SUCK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ROB MOTHER LOVING DIAMOND CAME BACK FROM THE MOTHER LOVING DEAD TO KICK ALL YOUR ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111
Wassup you delinquent looking sons of bitches you. Rob Diamond here and I just wanted to let everyone know that I ain’t dead. Not even close. In fact I’m so not dead that the Grim Reaper had to do a double take on his way past my place last week.
Make sense? No? Don’t care!
Fact of the matter is my FINGER IS NOW A FULLY OPERATIONAL BATTLE STATION!!!! And I’m just counting down the hours and minutes until I decide to come up in your butthole like a senior at prom in the back seat of his Volkswagon!
EXTRMELY UNCOMFORTABLE!
And when I do OHHHH you better believe shit is gonna get real. Shit is gonna get so real that all the rape and incest and gay sex floating around the IWF is gonna look silly because I am going to kill so many people.
HOW MANY PEOPLE!?
Man I’m gonna kill every single mother lover in the crowd with a pipe bomb laced with poisonous gas!
AND THEN!!!! I may just have my way with their dead bodies because that’s the kind of thing that floats all the boats around the IWF these days. These freaking people just can’t get enough of the rape and sex and all that. Hell, there’s more sex going on in IWF than at most whore houses.
Did I mention all the chicken choking in the back too!?
Jesus is there a lot of chicken choking. I mean, I thought it was bad back in my day when Adam Knite and big Gib would molest all the rookies in a twisted circle jerk with flames and barbed wire but now? Someone gave Alex Jones a full case of Lubriderm and free reign to do whatever the hell he wants.
AND IT’S NOT JUST HIM!!!!
Just last week I called up that pansy ass douche bag Warren Kidd to remind him how much he sucks in general comparison to me and he was in the middle of a full on rape session with Judas Alliah and some guy that looks exactly like Homeless Harold but like thirty or so years younger.
SHITS CRAZY!!!!
And what is the point of all this jawing I’m doing right now?
It’s to let all you mother truckers know that I’ve been paying attention. I’ve been watching. Each and every one of you as you’ve gone right ahead and made total freaking idiots of yourselves sucking off whomever in the back of whatever while that one guy totally beat you like you was in fight club.
I’VE BEEN WATCHING!
And I’m ready, willing and able to mock you all into the ground until you can’t take it anymore. And while you’re laying in that heap crying yourself crazy I’m going to wrap you up tight in my little submission hold called Sweet Dreams and choke yo bitch ass out!
See, now that I’m just about ready to strap on a pair of boots and put on a pair of glossy looking underwear again, I’m also ready to make ya’ll eat every single word you’ve ever uttered about being anything other than a punching bag to a guy like me.
See, guys like me we ain’t afraid to say something clichéd to sound tough and shit. We ain’t afraid to make very public threats we’d normally go to jail for because. We ain’t afraid to say a whole lot of stuff that doesn’t actually mean anything and add a little swearing to the lord almighty on top of it.
We ain’t afraid.
So when you see a guy like me standing across the ring from you you know you’re about to be in a world of hurt because I’m gonna say stuff. And that stuff is gonna cut you to the quick because I may just mean it. And even if I don’t mean I still said it and it’s gonna make you wonder because you have no idea what I’m really capable of. Because this world is full of people who do things and those things most other people aren’t capable of but a guy like me will say I’m capable of it just to get a rise out of you and when I say it you will shake and shake until I stop saying it and then there may be some sang about guns and triggers and who can or can’t pull it and….
What the hell was I saying?
DOESN’T MATTER!!!!!
Because I’m Rob mother loving Diamond and the fact of the matter is I’m the best goddamn wrestler in the world!
What was that?
Prove it?
Oh I sure as shit will and when I do you won’t know what the hell hit you.
Rob Diamond is coming back baby and shit is gonna get real.
However in the mean time I’m playing single parent with my nearly one year old girl Hope and man… It’s been pretty awesome to have this much free time to spend with her.
Yes, this is the part of the promo where you get an in-depth look at my life and what Rob Diamond is like outside of the ring.
“Come on, say it.”
Hope giggles from her bouncy swing that hang off a door frame that they stopped selling in like 1988 but I managed to get off ebay for like $32.50. Things amazing. I put her in that, she jumps herself stupid, passes out and Daddy gets a little him time alone with Whitney Stevens. I don’t care if she’s retired, she did some quality work…
Look it up.
“Please say it. Say Daddy?”
She just laughs at me and swings her foam Thor hammer into the side of my head… I freaking hate Thor.
“Don’t push it, she’ll say it when she’s ready.”
“But why isn’t she ready now?”
I try to sound adorable as the live in baby sitter walks into the kitchen, names Jasmine and I’m sure one of you racist mother truckers will notice she has a nice light mocha tone to her skin. She’s like a younger, hotter, none horse looking Halle Berry.
“You can’t push it, kids speak when their ready. I remember my little sister didn’t say her first words forever, or so it seemed.”
“Yeah.”
She’s freaking gorgeous, I’m talking perfect features. I don’t know how this chick didn’t have a job. I mean, I had an add online for like an hour before I got the text message from her and one look and I had to hire her, I mean, have you seen her? Gorgeous… I wonder if I should of background checked her.
“Yeah, trust me. So I thought I heard you cutting a promo earlier, you getting ready to go back?”
“Yup. Why, you gonna miss me?”
I thought I picked up a hint of a blush from her. No way a chick that hot digs me. No way.
“I’m just curious when Hope and I are going to have ourselves some girl time.”
Damn.
“Soon, I just gotta dot some T’s and stuff like that. Berto wants to make it all official and stuff.”
“The ever important and stuff.”
“Yup, heh.”
Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.
“Well I better go work out or something, gotta keep my finger stretched out…”
“And I’ve got to feed Hope.”
STOP MAKING THINGS SO AWKWARD YOU IDIOT!
“Talk to ya later Jazz.”
“Kk.”
You know, for a guy who has been with A LOT of women, I’m a real pussy sometimes. But that’s neither here nor there because I am headed to work out. I’m gonna DDK yoga up in this bitch and when I return ya’ll gonna find out how it feels to get straight up kicked in the balls by the greatest of all time.
SUCK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!