EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW!!!!!

[Eddie D.]

Rob Dizzie back in the hizzie ready to get his licked quick by some preteen chick with a prick…

Wait, what?

I don’t know, I’m pretty sure all the kids these days are saying that, or at least the ones I take home from comic conventions in them sexy little costumes.

I like to show’em my “lightsaber.” If you know what I mean.

Speaking of cosplay, who wouldn’t give both their nuts for a chance just to get a glimpse of Jessica Reed’s side boob? I mean, holy shit is she hot. I don’t want to beat around the bush here, though I’d love to beat off on her most likely delicately shaved bush, but that bitch is like a fucking goddess.

Don’t sue me Ana.

But I’m getting way off track here. See this weeks blog is dedicated to one thing and one thing only.

ROB DIAMOND!!!

I know, you’re shocked. You thought I’d do something totally egotistical and only talk about myself but I know what the fans want. The fans want themselves some more Rob Diamond and I’m prepared to give them a raging hot injection of Rob Dizzie right in the B hole.

That’s right, exclusive right here on the Rob Diamond network, which can be yours for the small one time fee of giving me a blowie, is an exclusive, one of a kind, pipe bomb filled interview with the Greatest of All Time, the one and only Dark Lord of all that is Evil, the man with the fourteen inch python in his trousers, ROB DIAMOND!!!!

Let stop wasting time and get right down to this. Rob, I’d like to welcome you to the Rob Diamond show.

Thanks for having me.

Anytime. Now let’s get down to this. Exactly when are you coming back to claim what is rightfully yours, namely, every hot piece of ass in the locker room?

Lol, well that’s a really good question Rob and let me answer it with a question of my own, who’s to say I haven’t already tasted a piece of all their cherry pies?

Ohh, good point Rob, very good point. But let’s get down to brass tacks, whatever the fuck that means. A lot of people were terribly worried when you lost a portion of your finger and were wondering, is it 100%?

Bend over, I’ll gladly show you.

Hah, thanks but no thanks Rob, man you’re a joker.

I try.

But seriously. A lot has changed since you’ve been away, for starters the number of locker room rapes have gone up 200%.

Damn.

I know. Not to mention there has been an obsession lately among a lot of our talent with beating women into loving them.

That works?

Apparently if you knock the sense out of them enough. My question to you is, with your return seemingly around the corner will we be able to enjoy you having your way with any woman you want?

Well, I mean, I was having my way with women before it was cool but I don’t think you’re ever going to see me punching a woman in the teeth.

What if she hit you first?

TOTALLY different story.

So what you’re saying is you condone man on woman violence?

What I’m saying is if she deserves it- I mean- Stop twisting my words around?

You heard it here folks, Rob Diamond is pro women violence.

No dammit! What I mean is… There isn’t a good way to say it.

It’s ok Rob, I’m not here to judge.

Well good.

Now may I get your opinion on the president of the United States and his current fight to end the rampant racism in America?

No.

Come on?

No.

Not even one remark?

You’re going to make me sound racist.

ROB DIAMOND EXCLUSIVE!!! Rob Diamond has something racist to say but is keeping it to himself!

I will hit you…

Now moving on to more pressing matters. Ever since you started posting random things all over the internet the world has been wondering when you will make your return to the IWF?

Look, I may or may not have a certain date set in mind for my return. I may or may not even have a certain opponent all picked out for me. I may or may not be the biggest Jake Conway fan on the planet. Thing is, when I return, everyone is going to find out at exactly the same time.

So you are coming back?

Yes.

And what will be your first goal upon returning?

Winning my first match.

And from there?

I’d like to win another match and perhaps even a third before I start printing up shirts about my undefeated streak.

That’s a fantastic idea.

I know.

Now Rob, it’s no secret that you’re the Greatest of All Time.

Hands down.

Having that knowledge with you, it must be somewhat hard to imagine getting back into the ring and having to prove it all over again. I mean, everyone and their mother is going to come at you with such solid arguments as “NUH UH!” and “ARE NOT!”

Both very hard to argue with.

Indeed. So what is your plan to silence those critics before they even begin?

The thing about being the Greatest of All Time is I’ve spent my entire career proving it. I proved it in NCW, PWA and I proved it here. Hell, InFamous still hasn’t really lost the tag team titles. But the main thing is Rob, everyone else knows it. They can try and deny it and all that jazz but at the end of the day ain’t nobody that wants to get in the ring with Rob Diamond.

That’s true, most men’s knees buckle at the thought.

Which is funny because I don’t threaten to kill people or skull fuck their dead bodies. I just get in the ring and wrestle. Sure I cheat, but generally I tell you I’m going to cheat before I do it so it’s not really all that shocking when I kick you in the balls and roll you up for the three count.

They really shouldn’t be surprised.

And here’s the thing that bugs me, I mean, if Bates threatened to kill me in the ring I’d be worried but let’s be real, when was the last time God or that big teddy bear looking biker actually did anything to anyone? Sure, they threaten to all the time just like Judas keeps threatening to pass around kool aid backstage but nothing ever comes from it. What I’m saying is, why can’t people just shut and wrestle?

It’d be nice.

And that’s what I’m going to do when I get back. I mean yeah, I’m totally gonna shit talk grown ass men into tears but in between that I’m just gonna out wrestle ever stupid asshole they put in front of me until I’m wearing some gold.

Any gold in particular you see yourself wearing?

Man of Steel.

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST!!! Rob Diamond is calling out Mason St. Croix!

Yup.

Wow, that’d be a class A wrestling match.

Absolutely, I also look forward to winning a “pure” wrestling title by kicking a man in the balls until he passes out.

I think that’s against the rules?

Hey what’s that?

What’s what?

All those fucks I don’t give.

But I don’t see any… OOOOOOHHHHH I get it. Well Rob it’s been a real pleasure.

Pleasures all mine.

I’d just like to say before we go that it’s an absolute honor interviewing the Greatest of All Time not to mention the best lover any man or woman has ever known.

Well I don’t like to brag.

This has been a Rob Diamond Interview on a Rob Diamond Podcast brought to you through the Rob Diamond network sponsored by Rob Diamond for President.

Rob Diamond INC LLC.

Next week Rob Diamond proudly brings to you, the top ten most fuckable Diamonds!!! Don’t miss it!!!!