Post by Eddie D. on Mar 25, 2015 15:14:08 GMT
It’s been a long month man and I feel like I haven’t seen my kid or sexy ass baby sitter in forever. Cause unlike the Ace I don’t drag my family around by the neck and parade them in front of the world like some kind of love sick circus attraction all because I want people to believe I’m as important as I pretend to be.
BREATH!
But then what would the Ace be without his ugly ass wife who I wouldn’t bang with Brad Kane’s dick and a whole bottle of Jack Daniels and his two kids who seem to be forever toddlers!?
Yeah, Brad Kane reference, some of you aren’t going to get that reference, I know that so for those of you don’t get it I’m going to explain it to you.
Brad Kane is a man whore, he literally bangs everything that walks, man, woman, child, animal, reptile, amphibian, card board cut outs, pillows, plastic fair rides, two by fours cut to look like puppets and each and every thing he puts his penis in literally ends up pregnant and provides him with yet another little mouth breather named Kane but not nearly as handsome or entertaining as their uncle Spike.
So yeah, the reference is rather apt because even if I had his disease ridden cock I still wouldn’t go anywhere near that ugly horse looking bitch Kathy, I don’t care how much silicone you pump into her chest or how many face lifts the Ace pays for, she looks like a horse and I only do goats!
Now slap a goatee on her and some horns… NO! NOT EVEN THEN!
But that’s really a different topic because I’m supposed to be cutting a promo about the Ace himself, however if you know the guy like I do then you know he adores that ugly bitch with every fiber of his being so it’s fun for me to poke and prod him like a zoo animal as he thinks of a hundred different ways to either A defend how ugly she is and how truly low his standards are or B ignore what I’m saying yet still find a new and inventive way to film himself being a loving husband and father to show that it doesn’t matter what I think, he thinks she’s beautiful.
She’s not.
She’s butt fucking ugly.
And you Jake? You’re a prick. Plain and simple. Now don’t get me wrong, I harbor no ill will toward you for taking advantage of her position in the company, Angel knows if I gang banged my wife with Roberto Verona I’d totally take advantage too. I’d probably have myself booked a little higher and for a title with a little more meaning than the man of steel title but that’s just me. Cause when it comes to championships and abusing power I tend to think bigger than a niche division with like three people in it and those three people already give two shits about that title too begin with.
BUT HEY! I’m not gang banging my wife with the owner of the company so I’m stuck fighting for whatever title is deemed worthy of my attention. And let it be known I’d love to hold onto the man of steel title if for nothing else than the Superman parody promos I’d cut.
That would be epic.
But back to Jake, like I was saying before I went way off track, I don’t hate you because you’re abusing her power, I hate you because you chose to use me as your example.
Let me bromance here for a moment, we were friends buddy, dare I say I was your only other friend besides Roberto Verona. Hell, pretty much everyone else hates you but me? I can actually stand you for more than two minute intervals and you were damn fun to talk too. I can remember countless nights on the road together where we’d go out and just people watch or make fun of the other idiots we wrestle with as they hit on ring rats while their wives slept at the apartment. Most people don’t know this but you’re generally a pretty good dude…
Then you fucked me over in front of a few thousand people all because…
Well I don’t know, you thought it’d be good fun to show how brutal you are by beating up one of your two friends while Kathy watched? Which is different than watching one of your two friends bang her while you stand behind the camera but even still! I don’t take too kindly to being used, especially by an eighty year old man with high lights.
So it’s pretty safe to say you fucked up Jake. You humiliated me, you broke my heart, you threw our friendship to the way side in an all too familiar situation for me. And you literally did it for no reason what so ever because IF you had asked me I’d of helped you! I’d of proudly stood by your side as a friend and partner as the Royal Flush Gang literally made wrestling in the IWF hell for everyone else.
But hey, you made your choice, you’d rather stand alone with Horse Face and Berto in that fantasy land you call life where Jake Conway is a legend while I walk that fine line between sanity and Alice in Wonderland where I jam my AngelDamn boot all the way down your throat and straight out your ass.
I’m not gonna gussy this up Jake, we were friends so I don’t need.
I’m gonna hurt you.
Bad.
Because Kathy ain’t gonna be in that cage with us, it’s just gonna be you and me and that Samoan Monster and I will get my hands on you.
I will.
Hope: Daddy!
Snap back to reality, I’m walking through the front door of my green cape style house, my bundle of joy comes running across the kitchen and leaps into my arms, a bundle of pink and dirty blond hair.
Rob: Hey baby, how ya doing?
Hope: Good.
Kids are adorable, seriously, I mean this little joy right here is like the greatest thing to ever happen to me.
Rob: Where’s Miss Jazz?
Hope: Her room.
The kiddo jumps out of my arms and lands with a thud as she goes running down the short hall way into her corner room. I look up the steps to where my room is and Jazz’s room.
Rob: Hey Jazz?
No answer, strange, usually she’s at the door with the kid. I head up the steps kind of slowly, a little hesitant. Last time I saw her we grabbed dinner and a movie, it was sort of a date except we both came back to the same house and there was no love making or kissing. But I still count it as a date.
Rob: Jazz?
I turn the quick corner to her room and peek in.
Rob: Are… Are you packing?
She’s got a bag on the bed and it’s half stuffed with clothes, she turns to look at me, her black hair straightened and tied back into a bun, her caramel skin glowing a little bit with the way the light hits it through her curtains.
Jazz: Yeah.
Rob: Wha- why?
Jazz: I don’t want to talk about it Rob, I just don’t think this is going to work out.
Rob: Hey wait a second.
I reach out for her but she pulls away from.
Jazz: Please Rob.
Rob: What’s this about?
Jazz: Look…
She looks away, I reach for her again and this time I touch her bare shoulder, the strap of her black tank top under my palm, she drops down onto the bed with a plop and crosses her hands over her jeans.
Jazz: I… You… I watched the show… Sacrifice… I saw you with that girl… Amber…
She looks up at me now with her big beautiful brown eyes and they look extremely sad, I’ve never seen her like this and it’s really tugging on my heart strings. I drop down to a knee so we’re at eye level.
Jazz: I like you, Rob…
Rob: I like-
Jazz: But I don’t want to be that piece of ass waiting for you at home, wondering who you’re with tonight.
Jesus, this isn’t going anything like I imagined.
Rob: Jazz, I like you too… I’ve liked you for a while now and… I’ve been too scared to say anything… Scared you’d reject me…
She half smiles.
Jazz: Me too…
Rob: Jazz, if I’m with you I’m with you. Only you.
Gently I stroke the side of her face with my hand, she smiles now, relaxing and closing her eyes. I move closer slowly, hesitating but then I just do it, I kiss her… She kisses back… My heart skips a beat as her hands slowly make their way around my shoulders, one hand moves to the small of her back, the other to the back of her neck….[/b]
Rob: Now that is how I imagined.
Jazz: Heh… Me too…
She looks into my eyes with her forehead resting against mine, smiling but a little sad still.
Jazz: Don’t hurt me.
Rob: I wouldn’t dream of it… Do… Do I still have to pay you?
She laughs and pushes me away now playfully.
Rob: What? One of us had to ask.
She grabs me and pulls me in for another kiss, it feels even more amazing than the first one, it’s deeper, more passionate-
Hope: Ewwww!!! Daddy and Miss Jazz are kissing!!!
The two of us laugh as I grab the kid and pull her into a little group hug and we fade out on this small happy moment in the life of Rob Diamond and fade in on my smiling face with an IWF banner in the back drop.
Rob: Let’s just go ahead and get this out of the way. Something racist.
The Rob smirks.
Rob: There, now I feel better. Look Malaki, this is kind of an odd situation. See while the Ace and I both would love a shot at your belt we’ve been kind of sort of doing our own thing this whole month and you’ve been like the odd man out. You’re like the Ace in the Berto/Kathy sandwich. A third wheel. The kind behind the camera who never gets to be a part of the scene and I sort of feel bad for. The IWF has had this real nasty habit of making your belt seem like an after thought and that really pisses me off.
It does.
Rob: That belt is like the epitome of professional wrestling, at least it should be. The guy holding that thing should be the toughest SOB in the whole promotion, not some after thought who gets lumped into a feud with two much more established stars looking to strap some gold or silver… I guess… Around their waists. Honestly I think it’s horse shit the way you’ve been booked leading into this match. Thrown to the wolves against Angel, mostly unbooked every other week while two other clowns talk about whipping each other’s asses and taking your belt.
It’s like you aren’t even in the match.
And I’m sure that pisses you off almost as much as it pisses me off. You’re the ANGELDAMNED man of steel champion, you’re the guy we technically need to beat to be the man and this whole month it’s been about Ace and Rob, Rob and Ace, throw a little horse face in for fun and then wham! Suddenly Malaki is a part of this thing too because, well, you’re the champion and for one of us to get over we technically have to beat you.
SMH.
Rob: Well let me be the first to say I’m not looking past you to Jake Conway. I’m not a total idiot, I may have ADD and go off on weird tangents about things that seemingly have nothing to do with the match I’m in but I recognize a threat when I see one.
I point to my eyes and then point to the camera.
Rob: You’re a threat. A damn big one. You could just as easily tap the Ace out as I could. Hell you may even knock his pretty boy ass out before I even know the bell rang. You’re a bad mofo, Malaki and I’m not going to pretend you aren’t. But here’s the thing my giant Samoan friend…
The Rob smirks again.
Rob: I REALLY wanna be the guy to make Jake Conway cry in the middle of the ring like the bitch that he is. Which means you’ve got two options here, kick his ass before I do or kick my ass before I kick his ass. That’s it. There is no option C. Now I’m sure you’re thinking okay sure, I’ll just beat up little Rob Diamond and then beat up the Ace, easy peezy.
WRONG!
Ask around bub, after you’re done hearing about what a total asshat I am people are going to tell you about how Angeldamn hard it is to kick my ass. I don’t just go down, ever, in fact most people would probably say I don’t even know how to go down! Just ask my ex girl friends! Cept the dead one…
Alright, that was low even for me.
Rob: Their gonna tell you Rob Diamond will fight through anything, any amount of pain or suffering you can cause, he will push through it, he will keep coming, he will not stop until either the match is over because the Ace just couldn’t take it anymore and tapped out or Angel himself strikes me down with a lightening bolt out of his ass!
JUST LOOK!
Go ahead, I’m sure you have the IWF network, free for the month of March, go watch any number of my matches. Me versus Spike Kane, Alex Jones, Falcon! Any one of them and the same thing you’re going to see is a guy who shouldn’t of stood a chance not only step up but fucking win!
Memories.
Rob: I may not look like much to you, just another vanilla midget with a bad attitude and whole ton of jokes with a devious smile but don’t kid yourself Malaki. I’m dangerous. I’m easily the most dangerous man you’ve ever faced because you don’t expect me to be. You hear the curse words and jokes and racists comments and you look past me. You see the Ace in all his intimidation and big words and you think he’s the guy to watch. I’m just there to get in the way.
Big mistake buddy.
That belt? I want it. I’m willing to do anything to get it. The fans may cheer me and all that jazz, my t-shirts may fly off the shelves before their even fully folded but don’t mistake me for a two dimensional douchebag like Mike Laszlo.
I’m not a good guy.
I don’t even play one on television.
I’m an Angeldamned rabid wolverine who will rip the neck out of anyone stupid enough to over look me for even half a second to get what I want Malaki. I don’t give a damn how big you are or how bad ass you claim to be, you aren’t Rob Diamond, you haven’t done the things I’ve done, beaten the people I’ve beaten. You’re an oversized kid as far as I’m concerned, throwing his weight around because ain’t no one got the balls to kick you in yours.
Heh.
Rob: Cept me. I’m tapping the Ace out, period and I’m taking your Man of Steel Championship and their ain’t a damn thing you can do about it.
Arms up.
Rob: SUCK IT!
CROTCH CHOP!
BREATH!
But then what would the Ace be without his ugly ass wife who I wouldn’t bang with Brad Kane’s dick and a whole bottle of Jack Daniels and his two kids who seem to be forever toddlers!?
Yeah, Brad Kane reference, some of you aren’t going to get that reference, I know that so for those of you don’t get it I’m going to explain it to you.
Brad Kane is a man whore, he literally bangs everything that walks, man, woman, child, animal, reptile, amphibian, card board cut outs, pillows, plastic fair rides, two by fours cut to look like puppets and each and every thing he puts his penis in literally ends up pregnant and provides him with yet another little mouth breather named Kane but not nearly as handsome or entertaining as their uncle Spike.
So yeah, the reference is rather apt because even if I had his disease ridden cock I still wouldn’t go anywhere near that ugly horse looking bitch Kathy, I don’t care how much silicone you pump into her chest or how many face lifts the Ace pays for, she looks like a horse and I only do goats!
Now slap a goatee on her and some horns… NO! NOT EVEN THEN!
But that’s really a different topic because I’m supposed to be cutting a promo about the Ace himself, however if you know the guy like I do then you know he adores that ugly bitch with every fiber of his being so it’s fun for me to poke and prod him like a zoo animal as he thinks of a hundred different ways to either A defend how ugly she is and how truly low his standards are or B ignore what I’m saying yet still find a new and inventive way to film himself being a loving husband and father to show that it doesn’t matter what I think, he thinks she’s beautiful.
She’s not.
She’s butt fucking ugly.
And you Jake? You’re a prick. Plain and simple. Now don’t get me wrong, I harbor no ill will toward you for taking advantage of her position in the company, Angel knows if I gang banged my wife with Roberto Verona I’d totally take advantage too. I’d probably have myself booked a little higher and for a title with a little more meaning than the man of steel title but that’s just me. Cause when it comes to championships and abusing power I tend to think bigger than a niche division with like three people in it and those three people already give two shits about that title too begin with.
BUT HEY! I’m not gang banging my wife with the owner of the company so I’m stuck fighting for whatever title is deemed worthy of my attention. And let it be known I’d love to hold onto the man of steel title if for nothing else than the Superman parody promos I’d cut.
That would be epic.
But back to Jake, like I was saying before I went way off track, I don’t hate you because you’re abusing her power, I hate you because you chose to use me as your example.
Let me bromance here for a moment, we were friends buddy, dare I say I was your only other friend besides Roberto Verona. Hell, pretty much everyone else hates you but me? I can actually stand you for more than two minute intervals and you were damn fun to talk too. I can remember countless nights on the road together where we’d go out and just people watch or make fun of the other idiots we wrestle with as they hit on ring rats while their wives slept at the apartment. Most people don’t know this but you’re generally a pretty good dude…
Then you fucked me over in front of a few thousand people all because…
Well I don’t know, you thought it’d be good fun to show how brutal you are by beating up one of your two friends while Kathy watched? Which is different than watching one of your two friends bang her while you stand behind the camera but even still! I don’t take too kindly to being used, especially by an eighty year old man with high lights.
So it’s pretty safe to say you fucked up Jake. You humiliated me, you broke my heart, you threw our friendship to the way side in an all too familiar situation for me. And you literally did it for no reason what so ever because IF you had asked me I’d of helped you! I’d of proudly stood by your side as a friend and partner as the Royal Flush Gang literally made wrestling in the IWF hell for everyone else.
But hey, you made your choice, you’d rather stand alone with Horse Face and Berto in that fantasy land you call life where Jake Conway is a legend while I walk that fine line between sanity and Alice in Wonderland where I jam my AngelDamn boot all the way down your throat and straight out your ass.
I’m not gonna gussy this up Jake, we were friends so I don’t need.
I’m gonna hurt you.
Bad.
Because Kathy ain’t gonna be in that cage with us, it’s just gonna be you and me and that Samoan Monster and I will get my hands on you.
I will.
Hope: Daddy!
Snap back to reality, I’m walking through the front door of my green cape style house, my bundle of joy comes running across the kitchen and leaps into my arms, a bundle of pink and dirty blond hair.
Rob: Hey baby, how ya doing?
Hope: Good.
Kids are adorable, seriously, I mean this little joy right here is like the greatest thing to ever happen to me.
Rob: Where’s Miss Jazz?
Hope: Her room.
The kiddo jumps out of my arms and lands with a thud as she goes running down the short hall way into her corner room. I look up the steps to where my room is and Jazz’s room.
Rob: Hey Jazz?
No answer, strange, usually she’s at the door with the kid. I head up the steps kind of slowly, a little hesitant. Last time I saw her we grabbed dinner and a movie, it was sort of a date except we both came back to the same house and there was no love making or kissing. But I still count it as a date.
Rob: Jazz?
I turn the quick corner to her room and peek in.
Rob: Are… Are you packing?
She’s got a bag on the bed and it’s half stuffed with clothes, she turns to look at me, her black hair straightened and tied back into a bun, her caramel skin glowing a little bit with the way the light hits it through her curtains.
Jazz: Yeah.
Rob: Wha- why?
Jazz: I don’t want to talk about it Rob, I just don’t think this is going to work out.
Rob: Hey wait a second.
I reach out for her but she pulls away from.
Jazz: Please Rob.
Rob: What’s this about?
Jazz: Look…
She looks away, I reach for her again and this time I touch her bare shoulder, the strap of her black tank top under my palm, she drops down onto the bed with a plop and crosses her hands over her jeans.
Jazz: I… You… I watched the show… Sacrifice… I saw you with that girl… Amber…
She looks up at me now with her big beautiful brown eyes and they look extremely sad, I’ve never seen her like this and it’s really tugging on my heart strings. I drop down to a knee so we’re at eye level.
Jazz: I like you, Rob…
Rob: I like-
Jazz: But I don’t want to be that piece of ass waiting for you at home, wondering who you’re with tonight.
Jesus, this isn’t going anything like I imagined.
Rob: Jazz, I like you too… I’ve liked you for a while now and… I’ve been too scared to say anything… Scared you’d reject me…
She half smiles.
Jazz: Me too…
Rob: Jazz, if I’m with you I’m with you. Only you.
Gently I stroke the side of her face with my hand, she smiles now, relaxing and closing her eyes. I move closer slowly, hesitating but then I just do it, I kiss her… She kisses back… My heart skips a beat as her hands slowly make their way around my shoulders, one hand moves to the small of her back, the other to the back of her neck….[/b]
Rob: Now that is how I imagined.
Jazz: Heh… Me too…
She looks into my eyes with her forehead resting against mine, smiling but a little sad still.
Jazz: Don’t hurt me.
Rob: I wouldn’t dream of it… Do… Do I still have to pay you?
She laughs and pushes me away now playfully.
Rob: What? One of us had to ask.
She grabs me and pulls me in for another kiss, it feels even more amazing than the first one, it’s deeper, more passionate-
Hope: Ewwww!!! Daddy and Miss Jazz are kissing!!!
The two of us laugh as I grab the kid and pull her into a little group hug and we fade out on this small happy moment in the life of Rob Diamond and fade in on my smiling face with an IWF banner in the back drop.
Rob: Let’s just go ahead and get this out of the way. Something racist.
The Rob smirks.
Rob: There, now I feel better. Look Malaki, this is kind of an odd situation. See while the Ace and I both would love a shot at your belt we’ve been kind of sort of doing our own thing this whole month and you’ve been like the odd man out. You’re like the Ace in the Berto/Kathy sandwich. A third wheel. The kind behind the camera who never gets to be a part of the scene and I sort of feel bad for. The IWF has had this real nasty habit of making your belt seem like an after thought and that really pisses me off.
It does.
Rob: That belt is like the epitome of professional wrestling, at least it should be. The guy holding that thing should be the toughest SOB in the whole promotion, not some after thought who gets lumped into a feud with two much more established stars looking to strap some gold or silver… I guess… Around their waists. Honestly I think it’s horse shit the way you’ve been booked leading into this match. Thrown to the wolves against Angel, mostly unbooked every other week while two other clowns talk about whipping each other’s asses and taking your belt.
It’s like you aren’t even in the match.
And I’m sure that pisses you off almost as much as it pisses me off. You’re the ANGELDAMNED man of steel champion, you’re the guy we technically need to beat to be the man and this whole month it’s been about Ace and Rob, Rob and Ace, throw a little horse face in for fun and then wham! Suddenly Malaki is a part of this thing too because, well, you’re the champion and for one of us to get over we technically have to beat you.
SMH.
Rob: Well let me be the first to say I’m not looking past you to Jake Conway. I’m not a total idiot, I may have ADD and go off on weird tangents about things that seemingly have nothing to do with the match I’m in but I recognize a threat when I see one.
I point to my eyes and then point to the camera.
Rob: You’re a threat. A damn big one. You could just as easily tap the Ace out as I could. Hell you may even knock his pretty boy ass out before I even know the bell rang. You’re a bad mofo, Malaki and I’m not going to pretend you aren’t. But here’s the thing my giant Samoan friend…
The Rob smirks again.
Rob: I REALLY wanna be the guy to make Jake Conway cry in the middle of the ring like the bitch that he is. Which means you’ve got two options here, kick his ass before I do or kick my ass before I kick his ass. That’s it. There is no option C. Now I’m sure you’re thinking okay sure, I’ll just beat up little Rob Diamond and then beat up the Ace, easy peezy.
WRONG!
Ask around bub, after you’re done hearing about what a total asshat I am people are going to tell you about how Angeldamn hard it is to kick my ass. I don’t just go down, ever, in fact most people would probably say I don’t even know how to go down! Just ask my ex girl friends! Cept the dead one…
Alright, that was low even for me.
Rob: Their gonna tell you Rob Diamond will fight through anything, any amount of pain or suffering you can cause, he will push through it, he will keep coming, he will not stop until either the match is over because the Ace just couldn’t take it anymore and tapped out or Angel himself strikes me down with a lightening bolt out of his ass!
JUST LOOK!
Go ahead, I’m sure you have the IWF network, free for the month of March, go watch any number of my matches. Me versus Spike Kane, Alex Jones, Falcon! Any one of them and the same thing you’re going to see is a guy who shouldn’t of stood a chance not only step up but fucking win!
Memories.
Rob: I may not look like much to you, just another vanilla midget with a bad attitude and whole ton of jokes with a devious smile but don’t kid yourself Malaki. I’m dangerous. I’m easily the most dangerous man you’ve ever faced because you don’t expect me to be. You hear the curse words and jokes and racists comments and you look past me. You see the Ace in all his intimidation and big words and you think he’s the guy to watch. I’m just there to get in the way.
Big mistake buddy.
That belt? I want it. I’m willing to do anything to get it. The fans may cheer me and all that jazz, my t-shirts may fly off the shelves before their even fully folded but don’t mistake me for a two dimensional douchebag like Mike Laszlo.
I’m not a good guy.
I don’t even play one on television.
I’m an Angeldamned rabid wolverine who will rip the neck out of anyone stupid enough to over look me for even half a second to get what I want Malaki. I don’t give a damn how big you are or how bad ass you claim to be, you aren’t Rob Diamond, you haven’t done the things I’ve done, beaten the people I’ve beaten. You’re an oversized kid as far as I’m concerned, throwing his weight around because ain’t no one got the balls to kick you in yours.
Heh.
Rob: Cept me. I’m tapping the Ace out, period and I’m taking your Man of Steel Championship and their ain’t a damn thing you can do about it.
Arms up.
Rob: SUCK IT!
CROTCH CHOP!
Well howdy there pardner.