Post by Doc on Jun 27, 2013 14:48:08 GMT
I rush in the front door, and slam it shut behind me.
Thank God.
Ever since I was seen on camera helping Tara train for her Ruby Championship match, the pestering has been non-stop. Media at my door asking when I'm coming back, phone calls from agents telling me they can get me the most lucrative contract I've ever signed, my own sister pestering me day-in, day-out to make a return to the ring.
Why can't they understand what this business has done to me?
I chain up the lock on my door and glance through the peephole. Still there, in the pouring rain, waiting with their cameras and their notebooks. All I want is to be left alone to enjoy my life without letting this business break me anymore. I walk into my TV room and fold on the sofa. I'm not interested in watching the TV, I just want to relax on the ass-comforting leather that wrestling has given me.
I've earned it.
A broken leg, a broken neck, a career made out of other people beating me to a bloody pulp because I was too god damn proud to stay down and accept defeat. This business has almost made me a cripple at an age where most wrestlers are just entering their prime. I don't have a wife to hold, no kids to wave off to school, nothing. All because I didn't let anything get in the way of being the best. And you think a nice house makes up for that???
Give me a break.
Trying to cope with the pressure of being at the top has taken me to the lowest points of my life.. alcohol, drugs, mental illness.. and I've hidden none of from you stuck-up college grads with your cameras in my face and hundred-questions-a-second interview routines.
What more do you want from me?
I hear some disgruntled voices and look out the window. It seems they've given up and headed home, for now.
But they'll be back. Maybe not tomorrow, or the day after.
But they'll be back.
Because they know.. we aren't rational creatures. Not on this planet, and certainly not in this industry. The escape the ring gives you.. the way it allows you to put all your insecurities to the side.. all the problems you have at home and the way your father walked on you as a four year old kid.. its the only release we've ever found - hearing that music and walking out in front of thousands of screaming fans.
Because it's only during those minutes which seem to fly past when you're competing in that ring.. that the hard work, the sacrifices we've made, the craving that exists deep within all of us to be recognized human beings..
It's the only time that our whole life..
Suddenly makes sense.
And they know..
They know I can never give that up.
No matter how much I wish I could.
---------------------------------
"I have to say, I've been looking forward to this moment since we opened the doors at IWF. I knew you couldn't stay away for good."
He pats me on the back, not hard, but still with enough force to remind me all this man has put me through. Retired or not, the strength hasn't faded from his arms. He slides the contract under my nose and I skim through to make sure there's enough zeros on the end of my health insurance that I'll at least be the richest cripple this side of astro physics if things go wrong in that ring again.
"You got a pen?"
We make brief eye contact as he extends his hand and I take the pen from him. It still doesn't feel right.. no matter how much I play happy families. This is a man who left me in hospital because I didn't want to stand by his side. A man who knew no moral bounds to get what he wanted, one of the most sadistic human beings I've ever known, a man who corrupted my sister to the point of destroying the only family I had left...
I sign the contract, and hand the paper back to him. I haven't seen Angel grin like this in a long time. A man who has everything he wants out of life.. a legacy in this business, a family, a great job in a vibrant new company. Nothing would please me more than to wipe that fucking look off his face once and for all.
"I guess that makes you an IWF employee. Welcome to the party!"
"Thanks buddy."
We shake hands as I stand up from the desk, but I avoid eye contact this time. Treating him like the long lost brother I always wanted is as difficult a challenge as any opponent I've ever faced. We make our way out of the office at the back of the gym and head over to the ring where my two younger sisters, Jennie and Tara, are in the middle of training together. For the first time since singing the contract, I manage to smile. As much as I try to convince myself that is what I really want to do, deep down I know this is for them. Making peace with Angel was the first step to bringing this family back together - but there's nothing they want more than to see their big brother step in to that ring one more time.
As I'm lost in the daydream, I notice that things start getting a bit rough in the ring. Tara catches Jennie with a stiff shot, and Jennie shows her typical Glasgow temper by returning with a flurry of rights and lefts. Angel slides in to the ring immidiately and attempts to restrain Jennie, but she shoves him away and continues assaulting Tara. I'm caught like a cat in the headlights as I notice the look of rage come across Angel's face, and he lifts Jennie off her feet and tosses her across the ring like a frisbee. In her anger, she bounces straight back up, but this time Angel is standing over her, looking down with that same look of menace in his eyes that I have witnessed up close many times. I see Jennie tremble with fear, and all I see is flashbacks of a man who I know is capable of anything at a time like this, and I snap back in to reality in an instant.
"What the hell is going on?! This is supposed to be a training session!!"
I slide in to the ring and grab Jennie, my body between her and Angel before he can do any harm to her. He goes and checks on Tara, who is bleeding at the mouth and obviously not pleased. Both of them leave the ring and head back to the locker room, leaving me with my youngest sister, who is crying mostly out of anger, but I can sense the fear as well.
"I'm sorry.. I.. I.. I just.."
"Shhh. I know Jennie. It's fine. Don't worry."
I hug her and pat her on the back as I comfort her, and I can feel her still tremble as she talks.
"He.. he.. just came out of nowhere.. I thought he was going to kill me!"
She sobs in to my chest as I lie through my teeth, not for this first time to keep this family together.
"Don't be silly. Angel is a changed man. Everything will be ok, these things happen in training all the time."
Eventually we stand up, and I lead her to collect her things from the locker room area. She dusts herself down as we walk. I know she'll be fine, she'll make peace with Tara and this will all be forgotten about in a few days.
With all this going on, I drift away in to another daydream. One solitary thought keeps flashing across my mind.
Signing that contract was the right thing to do. Of that, I'm certain. How could I stay away, sitting by the phone with my feet up, watching the world go by?
Wrestling has left me with too much unfinished business to take care of.
And some of it can't wait any longer.
Thank God.
Ever since I was seen on camera helping Tara train for her Ruby Championship match, the pestering has been non-stop. Media at my door asking when I'm coming back, phone calls from agents telling me they can get me the most lucrative contract I've ever signed, my own sister pestering me day-in, day-out to make a return to the ring.
Why can't they understand what this business has done to me?
I chain up the lock on my door and glance through the peephole. Still there, in the pouring rain, waiting with their cameras and their notebooks. All I want is to be left alone to enjoy my life without letting this business break me anymore. I walk into my TV room and fold on the sofa. I'm not interested in watching the TV, I just want to relax on the ass-comforting leather that wrestling has given me.
I've earned it.
A broken leg, a broken neck, a career made out of other people beating me to a bloody pulp because I was too god damn proud to stay down and accept defeat. This business has almost made me a cripple at an age where most wrestlers are just entering their prime. I don't have a wife to hold, no kids to wave off to school, nothing. All because I didn't let anything get in the way of being the best. And you think a nice house makes up for that???
Give me a break.
Trying to cope with the pressure of being at the top has taken me to the lowest points of my life.. alcohol, drugs, mental illness.. and I've hidden none of from you stuck-up college grads with your cameras in my face and hundred-questions-a-second interview routines.
What more do you want from me?
I hear some disgruntled voices and look out the window. It seems they've given up and headed home, for now.
But they'll be back. Maybe not tomorrow, or the day after.
But they'll be back.
Because they know.. we aren't rational creatures. Not on this planet, and certainly not in this industry. The escape the ring gives you.. the way it allows you to put all your insecurities to the side.. all the problems you have at home and the way your father walked on you as a four year old kid.. its the only release we've ever found - hearing that music and walking out in front of thousands of screaming fans.
Because it's only during those minutes which seem to fly past when you're competing in that ring.. that the hard work, the sacrifices we've made, the craving that exists deep within all of us to be recognized human beings..
It's the only time that our whole life..
Suddenly makes sense.
And they know..
They know I can never give that up.
No matter how much I wish I could.
---------------------------------
"I have to say, I've been looking forward to this moment since we opened the doors at IWF. I knew you couldn't stay away for good."
He pats me on the back, not hard, but still with enough force to remind me all this man has put me through. Retired or not, the strength hasn't faded from his arms. He slides the contract under my nose and I skim through to make sure there's enough zeros on the end of my health insurance that I'll at least be the richest cripple this side of astro physics if things go wrong in that ring again.
"You got a pen?"
We make brief eye contact as he extends his hand and I take the pen from him. It still doesn't feel right.. no matter how much I play happy families. This is a man who left me in hospital because I didn't want to stand by his side. A man who knew no moral bounds to get what he wanted, one of the most sadistic human beings I've ever known, a man who corrupted my sister to the point of destroying the only family I had left...
I sign the contract, and hand the paper back to him. I haven't seen Angel grin like this in a long time. A man who has everything he wants out of life.. a legacy in this business, a family, a great job in a vibrant new company. Nothing would please me more than to wipe that fucking look off his face once and for all.
"I guess that makes you an IWF employee. Welcome to the party!"
"Thanks buddy."
We shake hands as I stand up from the desk, but I avoid eye contact this time. Treating him like the long lost brother I always wanted is as difficult a challenge as any opponent I've ever faced. We make our way out of the office at the back of the gym and head over to the ring where my two younger sisters, Jennie and Tara, are in the middle of training together. For the first time since singing the contract, I manage to smile. As much as I try to convince myself that is what I really want to do, deep down I know this is for them. Making peace with Angel was the first step to bringing this family back together - but there's nothing they want more than to see their big brother step in to that ring one more time.
As I'm lost in the daydream, I notice that things start getting a bit rough in the ring. Tara catches Jennie with a stiff shot, and Jennie shows her typical Glasgow temper by returning with a flurry of rights and lefts. Angel slides in to the ring immidiately and attempts to restrain Jennie, but she shoves him away and continues assaulting Tara. I'm caught like a cat in the headlights as I notice the look of rage come across Angel's face, and he lifts Jennie off her feet and tosses her across the ring like a frisbee. In her anger, she bounces straight back up, but this time Angel is standing over her, looking down with that same look of menace in his eyes that I have witnessed up close many times. I see Jennie tremble with fear, and all I see is flashbacks of a man who I know is capable of anything at a time like this, and I snap back in to reality in an instant.
"What the hell is going on?! This is supposed to be a training session!!"
I slide in to the ring and grab Jennie, my body between her and Angel before he can do any harm to her. He goes and checks on Tara, who is bleeding at the mouth and obviously not pleased. Both of them leave the ring and head back to the locker room, leaving me with my youngest sister, who is crying mostly out of anger, but I can sense the fear as well.
"I'm sorry.. I.. I.. I just.."
"Shhh. I know Jennie. It's fine. Don't worry."
I hug her and pat her on the back as I comfort her, and I can feel her still tremble as she talks.
"He.. he.. just came out of nowhere.. I thought he was going to kill me!"
She sobs in to my chest as I lie through my teeth, not for this first time to keep this family together.
"Don't be silly. Angel is a changed man. Everything will be ok, these things happen in training all the time."
Eventually we stand up, and I lead her to collect her things from the locker room area. She dusts herself down as we walk. I know she'll be fine, she'll make peace with Tara and this will all be forgotten about in a few days.
With all this going on, I drift away in to another daydream. One solitary thought keeps flashing across my mind.
Signing that contract was the right thing to do. Of that, I'm certain. How could I stay away, sitting by the phone with my feet up, watching the world go by?
Wrestling has left me with too much unfinished business to take care of.
And some of it can't wait any longer.