Post by Jessica Reed on Jun 30, 2013 14:07:45 GMT
Jess and Hannah sit in two chairs opposite Richard Hayter, the man who sighted the Sasquatch, still dressed in their suits with fake FBI badges. Jessica leans forward, staring right at Richard.
Jessica Reed: Now, Mr Hayter, could you tell me what happened on that fateful evening?
Richard Hayter: Wuh?
Hannah Reed: Miss… Spearing, you need to be a little clearer, he hasn’t got many cuckoos in the nest.
Jessica Reed: OK, Mr Hayter, what happened when you saw the big ape guy?
Richard suddenly goes white as a sheet as his memories begin to reignite.
Richard Hayter: I… I don’t like talking about it. People think I am crazy because I saw a Squatch killing some poor fella and because I can’t tell the difference between my blonde girlfriend and her brunette twin, but I swear I aint all that dumb.
Jessica Reed: Nobody said you were...
Hannah Reed: Not out loud…
Jessica shoots Hannah a look.
Jessica Reed: Please Richard, we here in the CIA…
Richard Hayter: I thought you were FBI?
Jessica Reed: Stop avoiding the question!
Jessica slams her fist down on the table, startling Richard, before turning and giggling softly to her sister.
Jessica Reed: I am totally the bad cop!
Richard Hayter: Ok, ok, I’ll talk. Look, I know ya’ll think I am crazy as a box of squirrels but I saw what I saw. There was this big Squatch, as tall as the tree branches standing over a half-naked dude who was just laid there in the leaves.
Jessica Reed: So, you saw that he was dead?
Richard suddenly scratches his head nervously.
Richard Hayter: In a manner of speaking…
Hannah Reed: What do you mean, a manner of speaking? If a Sasquatch had killed somebody there’d be blood, bruising, signs of a struggle…
Richard Hayter: Well, when the police returned to the spot there wasn't… technically, a body.
Hannah Reed: Are you kidding me?
Richard Hayter: Well, I figured the Squatch must have eaten him or something…
Hannah Reed: Then there’d be bones, Jesus, why are we wasting our time here?
Jessica whispers to Hannah.
Jessica Reed: Hey, I am meant to be the bad cop!
Jess smiles and turns back to Richard.
Jessica Reed: Mr Hayter, I understand this must have been very troubling for you, if you could provide us with details of where you saw the creature, we’d be much obliged to investigate this further.
Richard pushes a piece of paper over to Jess.
Richard Hayter: The details are on there… now, ya’ll be safe, the woods aint a place for no ladies late at night, not with that… thing, out there.
Hannah Reed: Yeah, I am pretty sure we should be more worried about the rapists than a moneky man…
Jessica Reed: Thank you for your time, Mr Hayter, if you need us again please contact us at NCIS.
Richard Hayter: But I thought…
Jessica and Hannah stand up and leave the room.
Jessica Reed: Wow, this is so exciting.
Hannah Reed: This is stupid, he’s clearly insane, can we please just book ourselves into a hotel with clean bedding and just do something… Oh God you want to go to the woods don’t you?
Jessica smiles excitedly.
Jessica Reed: I’ll take that as permission!
Hannah Reed: Wait… no, Jess!
Hannah shouts in vain as her sister skips excitedly down the stairs as she heads straight for the Impala, leaving Hannah outside Richard’s room, shaking her head as he peers nervously out from behind the curtains.
You know, perhaps people are kinda expecting this but…
I really don’t get you two ladies. I mean you keep going on and on and on…
And on.
Over and over again about how Miss Lockheart is a corrupt and evil boss and she can’t run a division to save her life and you’re just standing up for women everywhere… then you proceed to beat other girls up to get ahead in this competition.
Well, you don’t have my vote.
Me and Tifa came down to save the strange witch lady because we’re sick and tired of watching girls like you bully everybody and let’s face it, you took out the Terminatrix and were aiming to take out Morticia…
Oh you should totally cosplay as her Eternity!
Wait… what was I saying?
We hear some voices from off camera again.
Oh, yes, right!
We saw that you were taking out the rest of the ladies chasing those top four spots in the Heiress to the Throne tournament and we knew that sooner or later, it’d be me and Tiffs being laid out to send some sort of warped message to our boss about how you’re big and tough and stuff and you think she’s a big stinky meanie.
For hiring you, paying you, clothing you, providing you exposure…
Wait… I get it now! It’s because she’s like your moms! It all makes sense, you’re just rebelling against her because she knows what’s best for us all as a group and you’re getting jealous that she isn’t focusing enough on you as an individual.
Maybe professional wrestling really is like being back at high school again?
Oh God… I hope not, all the girls used to tell me that I’d have been more popular if only I learnt how to use what the Lord gave me. I always assumed that meant an innate sense of guilt for doing literally anything as it’s a sin but it turns out they meant I should have blown the star quarterback and got my boobs out.
I wonder where Amy McFarlane is today?
What? I am rambling again?
Sorry.
Look Ayla, Aly, I wouldn’t dream of questioning your in ring ability, honestly you’re two of the strongest in ring competitors in the history of the sport and quite honestly I get why you’re the nailed on favourites this week, what with me and Tiffs just being the bright eyed upstarts full of spunk…
Cue off camera laughter.
What? Why are you laughing? O. M. G. That is so gross, knock it off guys I am trying to concentrate.
Look all I am trying to say is that I totally get why everybody thinks you two are going to take me and Tiffs and dismantle us like a T-Rex in a china shop, honestly, if I was a betting woman I’d probably put my money on you too but everybody has been underestimating me since I wrestled my first match. Skanky McHomewrecker was meant to put me out of this competition the first week and last week Tiffs was on a roll and totally expected to slap me around but yet here I am.
Undefeated.
Somehow. I’ve not figured it out either.
You’re completely right Ayla, this is still so much fun for me. I love the light, the pyro technics are so pretty too, jumping around and having people cheer me and feeling like I matter, I would do this every day if the ouchies weren’t too much of a problem. Me and Tiffs, we’re the next generation, we’re here to have fun and do our very best every week, we don’t need to find fights where there aren’t any or infringe on Roberto’s gimmick because fighting bosses is so cool.
FYI, you may be hearing from his lawyer.
We just wanna wrestle and put on a show.
You two are real sweet gals, but you’ve been pushing your collective weights around…
No! I am not calling them fat! Seriously, they’re both really pretty!
Look, the fact is I want to win this tournament and I can’t stand idly by as you just keep taking the rest of us out so that you two get to wrestle for the belt at Lineage in a couple of week, me and Tiffs had to put a stop to your menace, like Spiderman had to stop the Green Goblin or Batman had to bitchslap the Joker, even though he’s really cool.
We couldn’t let you spoil the spectacle and this week, we’re going to teach you another valuable lesson.
Never underestimate the nerds, sometimes the jocks lose more than their virginity behind the bleachers.
We re-join the two siblings as they slowly begin to crunch through some of the large undergrowth lining the side of the road where Richard reported his sighting. Jess trudges forward enthusiastically as Hannah follows her, clearly unamused.
Hannah Reed: I can’t believe I let you talk me into this. This is crazy.
Jessica Reed: Oh lighten up, it could be fun, just two sisters alone in the woods.
Hannah Reed: Oh yeah, that always ends well. Am I to consider getting out alive and not pregnant with some hillbilly’s mutant baby a successful evening?
Jessica Reed: We survived when we went camping as kids with uncle Roger.
Hannah Reed: We camped in the yard. In a motorhome. In Washington D.C. We ate marshmellow in front of the television.
Jessica raises a finger to her lips suddenly.
Jessica Reed: Shhh! I think I hear something…
The pair slowly approach a bush, which is rustling erratically, the two girls cling to one another when suddenly a figure emerges and Jessica screams, grabbing a hold of Hannah who goes stiff with shock as her sister.
Jessica Reed: Argh! Don’t let it eat me!
Hannah Reed: Will you get off me!
Jessica Reed: I am sorry Mr. Sasquatch, please, we were just…
Hannah Reed: Jess!
Jessica opens her eyes as her sister pries her arms off of her one by one and slowly turns her head before her fear suddenly turns to adoration.
Hannah Reed: See! It’s just a rabbit! Jesus.
Jessica Reed: Oh wow, can we keep him?
Hannah Reed: Roberto wasn’t happy about you eating our food and using our toilet, I doubt rabbit droppings would be welcomed.
Jessica Reed: Oh come on, look at him!
The pair turn their head to see the little rabbit running away terrified into the distance. Jessica pouts and begins to sulk.
Jessica Reed: You see what you did! You scared Mr Hoppy away!
Hannah Reed: Mr. Hoppy, are you serious? Jess, I’m starting to get scared and the bugs are beginning to eat me, this is stupid I just want to go home…
Jessica Reed: But we have to find the Sasquatch responsible for that murder.
Hannah Reed: For the last time, there was nobody ever found, the guy was just a drunk. There’s no such thing as a Sasquatch. This is the stupidest thing we’ve ever done.
Jessica Reed: Oh I don’t know, Brad was pretty dumb and you did him…
Hannah Reed: Oh, hilarious. I am spending our birthday weekend having my sex life mocked by my sister chasing some monster because she watches too much television.
Suddenly Jessica freezes as Hannah shakes her head and sighs.
Hannah Reed: What now? Another rabbit?
Jessica shakes her head.
Hannah Reed: Then what? El Chupacabra? A Vampire? The Wolfman? A Mermaid?
Jessica shakes her head again.
Hannah Reed: I swear to God, if this is just another cute animal you want for a pet…
Suddenly a deep guttural roar is heard behind Hannah who screams, turning to see, in the distance silhouetted against the moon, what appears to be none other than…an actual Squatch. Hannah wastes little time as she turns and runs straight for the Impala as Jessica just stands completely frozen.
Hannah Reed: Come on Jess, get the hell out of there!
Jessica Reed: I can’t move, I heard if you stood completely still they can’t see you.
Hannah Reed: You’re thinking of Jurassic Park!
Hannah turns and returns to Jess, grabbing her arm as she drags her back to the Impala, the pair dive in to the car, Jess through an open window as she struggles to get in, her legs flailing in the air as Hannah pulls her in.
Hannah Reed: Let’s just get out of here…
Hannah Reed: I can’t believe I let you talk me into this. This is crazy.
Jessica Reed: Oh lighten up, it could be fun, just two sisters alone in the woods.
Hannah Reed: Oh yeah, that always ends well. Am I to consider getting out alive and not pregnant with some hillbilly’s mutant baby a successful evening?
Jessica Reed: We survived when we went camping as kids with uncle Roger.
Hannah Reed: We camped in the yard. In a motorhome. In Washington D.C. We ate marshmellow in front of the television.
Jessica raises a finger to her lips suddenly.
Jessica Reed: Shhh! I think I hear something…
The pair slowly approach a bush, which is rustling erratically, the two girls cling to one another when suddenly a figure emerges and Jessica screams, grabbing a hold of Hannah who goes stiff with shock as her sister.
Jessica Reed: Argh! Don’t let it eat me!
Hannah Reed: Will you get off me!
Jessica Reed: I am sorry Mr. Sasquatch, please, we were just…
Hannah Reed: Jess!
Jessica opens her eyes as her sister pries her arms off of her one by one and slowly turns her head before her fear suddenly turns to adoration.
Hannah Reed: See! It’s just a rabbit! Jesus.
Jessica Reed: Oh wow, can we keep him?
Hannah Reed: Roberto wasn’t happy about you eating our food and using our toilet, I doubt rabbit droppings would be welcomed.
Jessica Reed: Oh come on, look at him!
The pair turn their head to see the little rabbit running away terrified into the distance. Jessica pouts and begins to sulk.
Jessica Reed: You see what you did! You scared Mr Hoppy away!
Hannah Reed: Mr. Hoppy, are you serious? Jess, I’m starting to get scared and the bugs are beginning to eat me, this is stupid I just want to go home…
Jessica Reed: But we have to find the Sasquatch responsible for that murder.
Hannah Reed: For the last time, there was nobody ever found, the guy was just a drunk. There’s no such thing as a Sasquatch. This is the stupidest thing we’ve ever done.
Jessica Reed: Oh I don’t know, Brad was pretty dumb and you did him…
Hannah Reed: Oh, hilarious. I am spending our birthday weekend having my sex life mocked by my sister chasing some monster because she watches too much television.
Suddenly Jessica freezes as Hannah shakes her head and sighs.
Hannah Reed: What now? Another rabbit?
Jessica shakes her head.
Hannah Reed: Then what? El Chupacabra? A Vampire? The Wolfman? A Mermaid?
Jessica shakes her head again.
Hannah Reed: I swear to God, if this is just another cute animal you want for a pet…
Suddenly a deep guttural roar is heard behind Hannah who screams, turning to see, in the distance silhouetted against the moon, what appears to be none other than…an actual Squatch. Hannah wastes little time as she turns and runs straight for the Impala as Jessica just stands completely frozen.
Hannah Reed: Come on Jess, get the hell out of there!
Jessica Reed: I can’t move, I heard if you stood completely still they can’t see you.
Hannah Reed: You’re thinking of Jurassic Park!
Hannah turns and returns to Jess, grabbing her arm as she drags her back to the Impala, the pair dive in to the car, Jess through an open window as she struggles to get in, her legs flailing in the air as Hannah pulls her in.
Hannah Reed: Let’s just get out of here…
Well howdy there pardner.