Post by Eternity on Jul 7, 2013 16:55:47 GMT
Darkness.
It was the last thing on your mind this weekend as you had spent some time indulging yourself, watching balloons, parades and fireworks. It was the Fourth of July Weekend. A celebration of this country's independence and by extension a celebration of your own independence. As you decked yourself out in the red, white and blue, a sparkler in one hand, a mini flag in the other, the festivities were over and you didn't invite me.
Now you're dead.
Don't look at me like that.
You heard me.
You're dead.
Ssssh, be vewy, vewy quiet, we're not huntin' wabbits but we can still hear the flatline as they're trying to bring you back.
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
Please leave a message at the tone.
What do you mean that's not funny?
You need to lighten up, learn to live a little.
Oops! Too late!
Serves you right. See if you had invited me I would have told you not to accept that last free hotdog. It looked dodgy.
Surrounded by blackness, you reach out for my hand and whisper your deepest and darkest fear in my ear. You hear me giggle.
What makes you think I would tell you if there's anything beyond this point. You sure hope so don't you? Or else you might just have to concede that you've wasted your life, forsaken your friends and worst of all taken me for granted.
A small light in the distance and we walk towards it hand in hand. Steadily it gets larger and larger before it envelops you, the last thing you feel is my hand leave yours, the last thing you hear is the flatline of the world you left behind fade as you step beyond the light...
Welcome to the afterlife my child.
The look on your face says it all.
This wasn't what you were expecting.
I wasn't what you were expecting.
I stood before you, every bit as radiant and ravishing as you remember me in life, my beauty only enhanced by my stunning wedding dress. It made you ever so slightly envious that you hadn't snapped me up when you had the chance. Oh well your loss and there's not much you can do about it now you're dead. Around my neck you see my three banded friend Lionel as my pink hair hangs loosely arpond my shoulders. In my right hand was the biggest, reddest apple you had ever seen and my left hand was clenched into a tight fist, and it is to that that your attention is first drawn as I raise it up to my face and speak to you, regarding you with narrow focused eyes..
Tell me what you see. People like Alysson Gardner see a symbol of agression, a symbol of oppression, a sigh of rebellion, a purpose to fight. People like my honey bunny sexy Lexy see it as the most valuable negotiation skill they have to settle a dispute.People like Joe Everyman, well they're just scratching their heads right now and mumbling to themselves the blindingly obvious, saying its a fist, and I suppose I really should bow to his authority on this one, after all, who would know better than him what a fist looks like, he's met them for nearly every day of his life, even before he took them straight to the face for a living on a weekly basis, people just wanted to punch like Joey in the face, often just for the fun of it. And now just for the fun of it, I'm going to tell you what I see. I see Joey's heart. Yes, that really is about the size of it, this is what he asks you not to question, and whether you do or not, it still doesn't change the fact that this is undeniably Joey's heart. How can you tell? Well, because even though it looks like it could pack quite a punch, when it comes down to it it still thumps like a girl!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
You see me lower my fist and relax and sigh.
I don't know why people don't like little Joey, his ramblings are so cute and nonsensical, one week his an average family man fighting for the little guy, the next he's on some grand quest to be the first Imperial Champion, the best of the best of the best sir! Heeeheeheee. I always loved that scene. But I suppose I better get back to something that will never be quite as entertaining no matter how hard he tries. Poor poor Joey. He's been here for years and in that time he's proclaimed to be everything from a King to an Ace, though I don't know why he wants to be a balding forty year old man who hardly wrestles so badly, the point is Joe has professed to be everything, a legend and an icon and really why are people always all that surprised? The man is every man. At least that's the idea, right Joey? A poorly realised idea is still an idea and I feel as if I'm the only one who gets you sometimes. I feel so connected to you right now...we could almost be soul mates. People will call us scatterbrained, but they just don't understand what its like for people like us. People are always telling us we can't be this and we can't be that, and not until we grow up. What if we don't want to grow up? There's no fun in growing up and becoming a big meanie like everybody else. Don't let them take your innocence from you Joe, you can still be everything and accomplish nothing if you want. Leave chasing the gold to men who have a hope of actually capturing it, bigger, stronger, sexier men like my fiance Lexy-poo. I'm sorry Joe, I know you're devastated right now, and you're probably saying that the thing between Lex and me is just puppy love...
And they called it puppy love...
Oh I guess they'll never know...
How a young heart really feels...
And why I love him so...
I really miss my mommy now, she always loved that song. Thanks alot Joe, you jerk! See this is why it'd never work out between us even if you did show up for our wedding! You're just so inconsiderate! Look at what you missed out on Joey, oh well your loss is Lex's gain. Go have fun with your big red floozy, see if she puts up with half your shit, see how she likes it when she finds out you change your colours more than Charlie our pet Chameleon. I'm keeping him by the way you heartbreaker! Go be her American Dream or her American Nightmare, go be whatever scatterbrain she fell in love with, we were the same but now I see the difference between you and me is that I make this look good...
Wow two Men In Black references. I'm going to need a really cool pair of shades if I keep this up. Maybe I should ask Willy Carter where he got his at our next barbecue.
Hey, are you jealous?
Awww, don't worry, Willy is every girl's best friend.
You see me raise the apple in my right hand.
Mmmmmmm, so big...so red....so delicious...yep there's no denying it Alysson, you are my favourite fruit. I can see why Joe likes you so much, but in time he too will learn just as they all do when they have nibbled, bitten and reduced you down to your core, there's nothing there worth savouring. You've fallen from the tree of knowledge right into Joe's hand, and up until now he's been living in his own blissful ignorance, dreaming his grandest dreams within the gates of his perfect Eden, but as soon as he gets a taste of you, he'll be cast out into the real world, a world so cold and a world of even colder, even harsher realities. All thanks to you, and don't you dare even think of blaming Lionel for this you hussy! You cannot blame Lionel, you cannot blame me and you can't blame Lexy when you will play your part in taking his dreams from him. I know you're probably still mad at me for stealing the win away from you, so you decided to go one better and take my little Joey away from me! No wonder he didn't show up at the church last week, I was at the altar and everything!
Gee, I hope Lex isn't watching, its bad luck to see the bride before her big day.
Love you Lexy. Cross my heart and hope we die so we can be together forever!
See I admire you on a certain level Alysson, you've had problems in that pretty big red head of yours, and you've still managed to find love, you give hope to girls like me who have yet to find the one. You've found Spikey Mikey. Sammy, Tommy, Joey number one, they all said I was too crazy for them...what do they know? If they were so smart, they wouldn't be dead now, would they?
You see me cross my fingers on my left hand.
Fingers crossed Lexy feels differently and has better luck than they did. You see I want Lexy to do to Joey number two what I did to Joey number one, show him my best Will Smith impression by welcoming him back down to earth with a punch because everybody knows it just doesn't feel like Independence Day until the aliens arrive to blow shit up. BOOOM!
HAHAHAHAHAHEEEHEEEHEEHE!
Man that was an awesome party until Jeff Goldblum arrived. He ruins everything. YOU SUCK JEFF GOLDBLUM! Even if you are kinda hot, sure you're no Will Smith, but you'll do for a couple of hours. Actually Jeff reminds me of my uncle Harry, he was the soppy bastard who married Aunt Mary on the fourth of July because he said kissing her felt like fireworks every time. This was her wedding dress which she passed down to me, do you like it Aly?
You see me throw the apple up in the air, twirl in my pretty dress and catch not the apple but rather a bouquet of flowers in both hands.
She's dead now. Turns out the only thing they were committed to other than looking after their grieving niece when she needed them was each other. They had me committed for my obsessions, they called me crazy, but we're all a little crazy aren't we? This match is proof of that. Little Joey is the most normal and sanest man in this match and that's why it sucks even more than it usually does to be him. Lexy knows all about being committed, just as I do. Sorry guys, we're in a totally committed relationship, I've updated my Facebook status and shared the picture of me in my pretty dress with everyone already. Enjoy your little fling Aly, Joey. Lexy and I understand each other, we understand the irony's sense of humour in pairing up two independent elemental forces for a match during Independence Day Weekend, but above all else we understand that the deepest commitment one ever makes in life is to the ground...and like my Uncle Harry learned when Auntie died, I've got no problem burying the people who really deserve it...and neither does my Smexy Lexy...
That's why we're going to be such a winning combination.
Maybe one day little Joey will graduate from being the perennial bridesmaid, but it won't be this week as I have no intention of sending these your way...
You see me lift Lionel's head from around my neck and kiss him, before I laugh and it echoes in your mind, waking you from your sleep. You turn to look around.
Wakey wakey sleepy head.
What?
You saw me in a wedding dress? And I was engaged to Lex Sense?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I'm sorry, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard.
You should know you're the only one for me.
You've been watching too much TV. And with that you resolve never to trust another free hotdog...
It was the last thing on your mind this weekend as you had spent some time indulging yourself, watching balloons, parades and fireworks. It was the Fourth of July Weekend. A celebration of this country's independence and by extension a celebration of your own independence. As you decked yourself out in the red, white and blue, a sparkler in one hand, a mini flag in the other, the festivities were over and you didn't invite me.
Now you're dead.
Don't look at me like that.
You heard me.
You're dead.
Ssssh, be vewy, vewy quiet, we're not huntin' wabbits but we can still hear the flatline as they're trying to bring you back.
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
Please leave a message at the tone.
What do you mean that's not funny?
You need to lighten up, learn to live a little.
Oops! Too late!
Serves you right. See if you had invited me I would have told you not to accept that last free hotdog. It looked dodgy.
Surrounded by blackness, you reach out for my hand and whisper your deepest and darkest fear in my ear. You hear me giggle.
What makes you think I would tell you if there's anything beyond this point. You sure hope so don't you? Or else you might just have to concede that you've wasted your life, forsaken your friends and worst of all taken me for granted.
A small light in the distance and we walk towards it hand in hand. Steadily it gets larger and larger before it envelops you, the last thing you feel is my hand leave yours, the last thing you hear is the flatline of the world you left behind fade as you step beyond the light...
Welcome to the afterlife my child.
The look on your face says it all.
This wasn't what you were expecting.
I wasn't what you were expecting.
I stood before you, every bit as radiant and ravishing as you remember me in life, my beauty only enhanced by my stunning wedding dress. It made you ever so slightly envious that you hadn't snapped me up when you had the chance. Oh well your loss and there's not much you can do about it now you're dead. Around my neck you see my three banded friend Lionel as my pink hair hangs loosely arpond my shoulders. In my right hand was the biggest, reddest apple you had ever seen and my left hand was clenched into a tight fist, and it is to that that your attention is first drawn as I raise it up to my face and speak to you, regarding you with narrow focused eyes..
Tell me what you see. People like Alysson Gardner see a symbol of agression, a symbol of oppression, a sigh of rebellion, a purpose to fight. People like my honey bunny sexy Lexy see it as the most valuable negotiation skill they have to settle a dispute.People like Joe Everyman, well they're just scratching their heads right now and mumbling to themselves the blindingly obvious, saying its a fist, and I suppose I really should bow to his authority on this one, after all, who would know better than him what a fist looks like, he's met them for nearly every day of his life, even before he took them straight to the face for a living on a weekly basis, people just wanted to punch like Joey in the face, often just for the fun of it. And now just for the fun of it, I'm going to tell you what I see. I see Joey's heart. Yes, that really is about the size of it, this is what he asks you not to question, and whether you do or not, it still doesn't change the fact that this is undeniably Joey's heart. How can you tell? Well, because even though it looks like it could pack quite a punch, when it comes down to it it still thumps like a girl!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
You see me lower my fist and relax and sigh.
I don't know why people don't like little Joey, his ramblings are so cute and nonsensical, one week his an average family man fighting for the little guy, the next he's on some grand quest to be the first Imperial Champion, the best of the best of the best sir! Heeeheeheee. I always loved that scene. But I suppose I better get back to something that will never be quite as entertaining no matter how hard he tries. Poor poor Joey. He's been here for years and in that time he's proclaimed to be everything from a King to an Ace, though I don't know why he wants to be a balding forty year old man who hardly wrestles so badly, the point is Joe has professed to be everything, a legend and an icon and really why are people always all that surprised? The man is every man. At least that's the idea, right Joey? A poorly realised idea is still an idea and I feel as if I'm the only one who gets you sometimes. I feel so connected to you right now...we could almost be soul mates. People will call us scatterbrained, but they just don't understand what its like for people like us. People are always telling us we can't be this and we can't be that, and not until we grow up. What if we don't want to grow up? There's no fun in growing up and becoming a big meanie like everybody else. Don't let them take your innocence from you Joe, you can still be everything and accomplish nothing if you want. Leave chasing the gold to men who have a hope of actually capturing it, bigger, stronger, sexier men like my fiance Lexy-poo. I'm sorry Joe, I know you're devastated right now, and you're probably saying that the thing between Lex and me is just puppy love...
And they called it puppy love...
Oh I guess they'll never know...
How a young heart really feels...
And why I love him so...
I really miss my mommy now, she always loved that song. Thanks alot Joe, you jerk! See this is why it'd never work out between us even if you did show up for our wedding! You're just so inconsiderate! Look at what you missed out on Joey, oh well your loss is Lex's gain. Go have fun with your big red floozy, see if she puts up with half your shit, see how she likes it when she finds out you change your colours more than Charlie our pet Chameleon. I'm keeping him by the way you heartbreaker! Go be her American Dream or her American Nightmare, go be whatever scatterbrain she fell in love with, we were the same but now I see the difference between you and me is that I make this look good...
Wow two Men In Black references. I'm going to need a really cool pair of shades if I keep this up. Maybe I should ask Willy Carter where he got his at our next barbecue.
Hey, are you jealous?
Awww, don't worry, Willy is every girl's best friend.
You see me raise the apple in my right hand.
Mmmmmmm, so big...so red....so delicious...yep there's no denying it Alysson, you are my favourite fruit. I can see why Joe likes you so much, but in time he too will learn just as they all do when they have nibbled, bitten and reduced you down to your core, there's nothing there worth savouring. You've fallen from the tree of knowledge right into Joe's hand, and up until now he's been living in his own blissful ignorance, dreaming his grandest dreams within the gates of his perfect Eden, but as soon as he gets a taste of you, he'll be cast out into the real world, a world so cold and a world of even colder, even harsher realities. All thanks to you, and don't you dare even think of blaming Lionel for this you hussy! You cannot blame Lionel, you cannot blame me and you can't blame Lexy when you will play your part in taking his dreams from him. I know you're probably still mad at me for stealing the win away from you, so you decided to go one better and take my little Joey away from me! No wonder he didn't show up at the church last week, I was at the altar and everything!
Gee, I hope Lex isn't watching, its bad luck to see the bride before her big day.
Love you Lexy. Cross my heart and hope we die so we can be together forever!
See I admire you on a certain level Alysson, you've had problems in that pretty big red head of yours, and you've still managed to find love, you give hope to girls like me who have yet to find the one. You've found Spikey Mikey. Sammy, Tommy, Joey number one, they all said I was too crazy for them...what do they know? If they were so smart, they wouldn't be dead now, would they?
You see me cross my fingers on my left hand.
Fingers crossed Lexy feels differently and has better luck than they did. You see I want Lexy to do to Joey number two what I did to Joey number one, show him my best Will Smith impression by welcoming him back down to earth with a punch because everybody knows it just doesn't feel like Independence Day until the aliens arrive to blow shit up. BOOOM!
HAHAHAHAHAHEEEHEEEHEEHE!
Man that was an awesome party until Jeff Goldblum arrived. He ruins everything. YOU SUCK JEFF GOLDBLUM! Even if you are kinda hot, sure you're no Will Smith, but you'll do for a couple of hours. Actually Jeff reminds me of my uncle Harry, he was the soppy bastard who married Aunt Mary on the fourth of July because he said kissing her felt like fireworks every time. This was her wedding dress which she passed down to me, do you like it Aly?
You see me throw the apple up in the air, twirl in my pretty dress and catch not the apple but rather a bouquet of flowers in both hands.
She's dead now. Turns out the only thing they were committed to other than looking after their grieving niece when she needed them was each other. They had me committed for my obsessions, they called me crazy, but we're all a little crazy aren't we? This match is proof of that. Little Joey is the most normal and sanest man in this match and that's why it sucks even more than it usually does to be him. Lexy knows all about being committed, just as I do. Sorry guys, we're in a totally committed relationship, I've updated my Facebook status and shared the picture of me in my pretty dress with everyone already. Enjoy your little fling Aly, Joey. Lexy and I understand each other, we understand the irony's sense of humour in pairing up two independent elemental forces for a match during Independence Day Weekend, but above all else we understand that the deepest commitment one ever makes in life is to the ground...and like my Uncle Harry learned when Auntie died, I've got no problem burying the people who really deserve it...and neither does my Smexy Lexy...
That's why we're going to be such a winning combination.
Maybe one day little Joey will graduate from being the perennial bridesmaid, but it won't be this week as I have no intention of sending these your way...
You see me lift Lionel's head from around my neck and kiss him, before I laugh and it echoes in your mind, waking you from your sleep. You turn to look around.
Wakey wakey sleepy head.
What?
You saw me in a wedding dress? And I was engaged to Lex Sense?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I'm sorry, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard.
You should know you're the only one for me.
You've been watching too much TV. And with that you resolve never to trust another free hotdog...
Well howdy there pardner.