Post by Jessica Reed on Jul 7, 2013 19:07:22 GMT
Roberto Verona: Ah, peaceful bliss. Perhaps being injured isn’t all bad…
As Roberto lays back in his hospital bed, closing his eyes and pulling a baseball cap over them he suddenly hears the sounds of coming feet, followed by the sound of panting and heaving.
Jessica Reed: Rob….er…..to!
Verona lets out a long sigh.
Roberto Verona: Why couldn’t he have chokeslammed me straight to hell? Is that too much to ask?
Jessica Reed: Wai…t….you…’ve…been…
Roberto Verona: Breathe you ejit, or you’ll collapse.
Jessica bends over, her hands on her hips as her cheat heaves in an out whilst Hannah leans on her sister’s shoulder, doing her best to catch her breath as Verona stares at the pair of them.
Jessica Reed: Did you just say you’ve been to hell?
Roberto Verona: Sure, and then an Angel saved me. Then I decided to stop the apocalypse in my spare time before going to limbo for some reason. Because that is plausible…
Hannah Reed: Please, Roberto, don’t encourage her right now…
Roberto Verona: What are you two doing here? I know you’ve missed me but there was no need to rush back.
Jessica Reed: Nobody missed you. We didn’t know where else to go.
Roberto Verona: A hotel, it’s your birthdays, who wants to spend their birthday in a hospital surrounded by dying people and blood samples?
Jessica Reed: A vampire. But that’s not why we are here.
Roberto Verona: Hannah, do you want to explain to me why she’s weirder than usual?
Hannah’s eyes dart awkwardly away from Roberto’s as she regains her composure.
Hannah Reed: We kinda…sorta…erm…saw…a, Sasqutch…thingy…
Jessica Reed: We saw a Squatch! It tried to eat us!
Hannah Reed: I don’t think it…
Jessica Reed: Shut up! That’s what they do! They eat people!
Hannah Reed: That’s werewolves.
Jessica Reed: Then what do…
Suddenly, Roberto interjects.
Roberto Verona: Are you two ejits drunk?
Jessica Reed: No! Well, maybe a little…
Hannah looks at her sister incredulously.
Hannah Reed: When the hell did you drink? I went to the bathroom for like 2 minutes!
Jessica Reed: I was scared, I needed to settle my nerves! You didn’t take your free sample from the motel…
Roberto Verona: Girls! Seriously, stop for a minute. What have you been doing?
Hannah Reed: We were meant to be having a girls weekend away and Jessica decided we should play FBI and investigate some stupid Sasquatch sighting…
Jessica Reed: You didn’t think it was stupid when you were screaming “Don’t let it touch me with its big feet”!
Roberto Verona: And you think you saw an actual Sasquatch? A real life Big Foot?
Both the girls nod as Roberto slaps his face with his palm and groans.
Roberto Verona: How hard did I land through that stage?
Hannah Reed: Normally I’d say the same thing, but it is true!
Roberto Verona: Did you get a good look at it?
Jessica Reed: It was big and hairy, it’s teeth were really shiny and the zip on its back was…
Hannah Reed: Wait… Zip? What zip?
Jessica Reed: The zip on its back. I thought it was a little weird too at first…
Roberto Verona: Sweet jesus…
Hannah Reed: It had a zip on its back and you felt the need to not tell me this! Do you realise how stupid we look!?
Jessica Reed: Why are you so mad?
Hannah Reed: Come on, I am going to go back and give that jerk a piece of my mind.
Jessica Reed: You want to go back there!? But we don’t have any weapons! No holy water, silver bullets or salt… for some reason.
Hannah turns and storms out as Jessica frantically chases after her.
Jessica Reed: Please, don’t leave me with this monster!
Roberto rubs his eyes, barely able to comprehend what he has just seen before he waits for a few moments and turns to face the curtain which is pulled around something.
Roberto Verona: It’s ok, Cas, you can come out now.
Suddenly a man in a being trenchcoat emerges from behind the curtain who looks suspiciously like Misha Collins. He gulps nervously before looking at Roberto.
Castiel the Angel: Did you really have to lie about the apocalypse? We lost a lot of good friends.
Roberto Verona: Do I look like a crazy person?
The scene closes as the camera gradually drifts out of the room, though we actually see that Roberto is completely alone, talking to himself as a pair of neurologists look at a scan of his head outside the ward.
Yo, Adrian!
I did it!
Nobody thought Team N.E.R.D. could overcome such seasoned professionals but somehow, some way, the two geekiest girls are still stand tall and we totally celebrated the right way! I can’t wait to play drunk Sonic & Mario Winter Olympics with you again, although I think I blacked out when we were holding each other close and bob sleighing…
What? Really? That can be misinterpreted too?
Oy vey.
Either way, we showed the world that just because we may not be the biggest, just because we may not be the toughest and just because we may not be the most miserable we have what it takes to hang with the very best women in professional wrestling and we do it with a smile.
And overly excited jumping on the spot.
Don’t forget that.
But I can’t keep living in the past, I am so proud to be where I am but I can’t go resting on my laurels just because I’ve picked up a lot of points for a girl who everyone keeps looking at funny in the back because I carry around a pirate costume to every venue. I’ve got to keep plugging away and doing my best to turn the rest of those doubting Thomas’…Thomases….Thomasii?
Wait… now I am confused.
Where was I?
A voice is heard from off camera again.
Oh! Yes! Thank you!
I’ve just got to keep showing everyone that I am learning every week, every pounding I take at the hands of my opponents is just another experience to add to my repertoire! I’ve learnt to just lay down and take my lesson and I think it’s paying off great!
Ok, why is that funny?
Well, anyway, this week it seems I really have my hands full, and I am not just talking about in the bust sense either. Emma, I am totally psyched to me testing myself against a girl like you! You’ve been so dominant until this… unpleasantness with Kat, but I am under no illusions, I know you could snap back into that stride at any minute and it’ll be a challenge to keep you down.
I know I can come across a little… excitable, but I guess you can relate to feeling like a bit of an outcast? Although I have soooooo found my long lost doppelganger in Tifa, before I met her I felt like I was the black sheep of the federations I worked for.
And that isn’t just because my gimmick was literally the black sheep valet of a gothic Bo Peep.
You just want to beat girls up and drink a smooth cold one which whilst it is a little anti-social and may explain why you have so much difficult keeping friends I am so proud of you for being honest about yourself. It’s not easy to be yourself and come out to the world…
What? How could she possibly misinterpret that?
Listen, all I am trying to say is that it is great that you can just be yourself and be happy with that, no matter the peer pressure, I know what it’s like to feel ashamed and scared to show the world your passions but I think the world has embraced me and it makes me so happy to see the smiles on all those faces as I jump up and down in my costumes…well, mostly the boys faces but still.
A smile is a smile.
I know you and Miss Conway had a bit of a falling out last week but maybe that was for the best? You seem to be a lone wolf sorta person, which is totally amazing and cool and I guess you can always talk to that Andrew guy, but perhaps cutting loose and just doing your own thing will be a good thing for you Emma?
You could totally pull off a sexier version of the Lone Ranger!
Oh, oh, oh! Even better, what about a sexy Jackie Sparrow!? You could have a bottle of rum and everything!
Oh shoot, we're meant to be frenemies aren't we?
Sorry guys, I didn't wanna break kayfabe on purpose. Wait, you mean it's not cool to say that?
Erm...
YOU HEARD NOTHING!
It’ll be great to test myself against another really talented girl and I just hope that no matter what happens I do my best out there and show everybody that I’m a real contender for that super pretty belt! It’d go so well with some of my costumes too but maybe people would finally start to take me seriously.
Like how they take my partner seriously.
I heard he’s absolutely massive in the dodgy parts of Mexico and his mask was forged from the blood of the last Aztec Emperor.
Pardon?
What do you mean it’s just Mike Machado in a mask?
Who would be stupid enough to fall for that?
Stop looking at me like that! If the bookers are saying Miguel Muchacho is a legitimate lucha libre star then who am I to disagree? Don’t listen to them Miguel, I believe in you! Thank heavens I am not partner with that awful guy with the moustache.
Now that would have been a huge disaster! Have you seen that guy? He’s about as useful as a paper condom.
He couldn’t possibly stand a chance against a guy like Ryan Shane…wait, what’s his surname?
I am not joking.
No, seriously, what is it?
Hey, don’t you turn that camera off on m-…..
Static.
A pair of tyres screech to a halt as gravel is tossed across the road and Vlad the Imapala comes to a sudden halt besides the woods where the two sisters fled earlier. The lights go out as Hannah flings the door open, quickly followed by her sister Jessica as she heads straight to the boot, which she flings open, leaving the pair to stare into it.
Jessica Reed: Are you sure about this? We don’t even know what works on Sasquatches? I kinda lost Dad’s books…
Hannah Reed: The books Dad gave you were a mint copy of the Harry Potter series.
Jessica Reed: Perhaps, but I found out how to kill dudes who look like eels and that in literature gingers are sexually appealing.
Hannah Reed: Where is it?
Hannah ferrets around the trunk, before her eyes widen.
Jessica Reed: I…erm…I get lonely sometimes…
Hannah reaches in and pulls out a rape alarm before looking at her sister.
Hannah Reed: So you play with a rape alarm?
Jessica suddenly lets out a sigh of relief.
Jessica Reed: Erm… yeah, that’s totally what I do…
Hannah shakes her head as she picks up a baseball bat and walks away from the trunk as Jessica’s eyes dart back and forth as she picks up a vintage Gameboy, complete with Pokemon Red which she clutches to her chest lovingly before tucking it back under a blanket as she closes the trunk and chases after her sister who has marched into the woods.
Jessica Reed: What are you going to do?
Hannah Reed: Kick Harry and all of the Henderson’s in the crotch.
Jessica Reed: Well, I guess that makes sense for a weak spot…
The pair climb over a branch as they begin to trudge further and further into the woods.
Hannah Reed: OK Hairy Jerkwad, get your ass out here right now!
Jessica Reed: Hey, don’t be mean…
Hannah Reed: Are you serious? Earlier you said it would eat us!
Jessica Reed: Yeah, but that was before you were going to hit it with a stick.
Hannah Reed: I am warning you jackass! I’ll have you locked up so fast you won’t realise you’re Derek on Cell Block H’s latest wife until he’s inside you!
Jessica Reed: Ew, gross.
Hannah Reed: Shhh! I hear something!
The pair halt in a clearing as something begins to makes its way out of the undergrowth. As before a few animals scatter before a large ape like mammal emerges from the foliage and stands tall above the two sisters. Jessica immediately yelps and hides right behind Hannah who takes one big step forward and with a swing of the bat she hits the creature right between the legs, catching it completely off guard. As it hits the ground she leans over and immediately sets off the rape alarm which forces it to clutch it’s ear as it lets off a deep, guttural painful groan from the sudden assault.
Hannah Reed: Serves you right you asshole! Scaring two innocent young women like that for some stupid prank!
Jessica Reed: Hannah!
Hannah plants a kick into the animals ribs.
Jessica Reed: Hannah!
Hannah plants another boot right into its midriff before she is pulled away by her sister, her arms and legs flailing wildly.
Hannah Reed: You’re just lucky my sister was here!
Jessica pulls her sister as far away as she possibly can before finally letting her go.
Jessica Reed: What’s the matter with you! That poor animal…
Hannah Reed: It wasn’t an animal you idiot, you said it had a zip on its back, it was a guy in a suit! He was pulling a prank on us!
Jessica Reed: But why would a guy dress up as a Sasquatch and prance around the woods? That seems a bit over the top…
Hannah Reed: To scare stupid people like us and the motel creeper. Can we please just got a spa now like you promised?
Jessica sighs.
Jessica Reed: Well, ok… this sucks.
Hannah Reed: You’re disappointed that we weren’t almost killed by a fictional monster on our birthday?
Jessica Reed: It’d have been a cool story for the surviving sibling.
Hannah facepalms herself whilst letting out a sigh.
Hannah Reed: Let’s just go…
Hannah turns and walks away back to the car as Jessica kicks a stone in disappointment when suddenly, she hears another noise from some bushes and a man walks out from behind them, dressed in a Big Foot suit with the head under his arm. He waves at Jess before walking towards her.
“Big Foot”: Hey there, I am so sorry about earlier, I hope I didn’t scare you two too much. Me and my pal were just filming a hoax video and you sorta stumbled into shot.
Jessica Reed: Oh, God, I am so happy to see you’re OK. I am really sorry about my sister, I hope she didn’t hit you too hard!
The mysterious man scratches his head, as he does so he turns and waves to Hannah who is leant against the car, but she simply flips him a middle finger before crossing her arms and turning her head away.
“Big Foot”: She seems….nice… but, your sister didn’t hit me? Are you two OK?
Jessica Reed: I…erm…
“Big Foot”: Listen, you don’t want to hang around these woods by yourself all night, you can run into all sorts of people, it’s not safe for two young ladies. You two hit the road, you hear?
Jessica Reed: Sure…
The man smiles and walks towards the road as a second car pulls up, ready to pick him up leaving Jessica alone to ponder when suddenly… it hits her.
Jessica Reed: Wait… if Hannah didn’t kick that guy in the danglies… that means…
Jessica gulps.
Jessica Reed: Uh oh… Hannah! Wait for me! Let’s get out of here!
Jessica dashes towards her sisters but as she does so from deep inside the wood we hear a deep, angry, growl reverberate from the dark as two red eyes light up the undergrowth as the scene cuts to black.
Well howdy there pardner.