A Fourway? There is a first time for everything...

[Isabella Maldini]

That arrogant little…

Whoa, easy big guy.

Who the hell does he think he is…

Chill, I got this. Take it down a notch.

If he lays another of his odious little fingers on you…

Calm down, W. I took care of it. Didn’t I, Bernie Mac?

What’s that? There’s a four way for the final spot in the Heir to the Throne tournament? Surely the great de Montfort will be amongst the competitors for such a prestigious opportunity? Deathtrain? Well, I guess we need a token giant. Miguel Muchaho? Hey, keep on hitting those demographics out of the park guys. Ryan Shane? Oh boy, this isn’t looking too great for you Bernie… Joe Everyman? Ouch.

Sucks to be you, huh?

What did you do?

Little old me? Well, if you insist, big daddy. You see, Bernie, I know you and Daddy Simon aren’t on the best of terms… I mean, that whole defying him and pursuing Robbie stuff? Tut tut, you burnt a few bridges there buddy.

It’s a shame that Simon owes me for my… services.

What, did you think those shares in NCW bought themselves? Oh no ladies and germs, some of us really had to put our backs into sealing a few deals, crossing a few t’s, dotting a few i’s…

Well, I thought I’d call it in.

Here’s a hint to all the hapless and cuddly lovable losers in the back.

Girls don’t like being left in a position where they have to use the safe word, in this case, a little tap of the old canvas there. I mean I am sure there’s a queue of guys lining up to be wrapped into a pretzel by Ayla after being unceremoniously face planted into the floor.

Here’s a clue, I’m not one of them. I lost my virginity a looong time ago, but hey, knock yourselves out boys.

You know, there’s no shame in submitting?

Of course not, I learnt a long time ago that when you’re in a sticky situation, a tactical retreat is a perfectly viable option, my ego can handle the occasional setback.

I mean, it’s not like it’s the end of the road for me, right?

When I lay in that hospital bed and looked into the eyes of this lovable mug, crazy as it was, I realised I had no other option but to take what I could to live to fight another day. Slightly less serious circumstances, but same principle.

It makes no sense to be a martyr. Isn’t that right, W?

Maybe they’d make you a real touching montage before chucking you on the street?

I know right? Don’t trust anybody in this business.

Needless self-sacrifice?

I’ll leave that to the rest of the ladies who are so desperate for validation that they’ll break themselves to earn it. Didn’t they get the memo about scars only being sexy on a dude?

I’ll keep my bumps where they should be, if you don’t mind.

Do you want to know what we learnt last week?

Why don’t you tell them, big guy?

IWF is the exact place we can exploit for our own ends. Loyalty? There is none. Greed? Well now, there is plenty and more than enough wealth to go around.

And we both know I can extract what we need from even the coldest hearted monster.

After all, I tamed you didn’t I?

Who could resist that smile?

We’ll soon find out. Boys and girls, you have a few things I want and me and this leather faced guardian, we’re going to take it. Girls you’re going to hate me, boys you’re going to fight over me. This is my own personal playground.

Just the remedy a messed up orphan and her companion need.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Last Chance Saloon. The Final Countdown. Backs against the wall…

Well, I can’t say I am unused to the latter.

So here we go again, one final opportunity to scratch out a few eyes and earn a spot inside that final four at Lineage where we can repeat this week’s shenanigans all over again.

Only this time it’s for free.

Feel privileged, I rarely perform for nothing.

Especially when, by all rights, I sure as hell shouldn’t be competing with you three ladies. Tifa, she’s 10 points behind me. Emma and Alysson? Apparently being 20 points behind a girl who only got in on this party a week after the rest of you were already registering points warrants you being granted another chance?

Seems like somebody’s been polishing the right pole this week, hey girls?

But, it is what it is, I got a second chance to be even in this tournament I guess it only makes sense some of you get your…what is it now? Fourth chance?

Damn, you girls must be really good on your knees. Almost as much as on your backs judging by your performances.

So I guess this is the bit of the week where I need to address each of you individually, tell you why you’re all so awful at wrestling and have absolutely no right to be paid for “professional” wrestling and then perhaps I’ll question your sexualities before finishing off with some curt remarks about how ugly you are.

Or something like that.

I swear, it’s like Groundhog Day with some of you people.

Tifa, I guess I should start with you first, I mean you are the only girl in this whole fiasco who has a basis of making a real claim to deserving this opportunity. Kudos on that one kid.

Although the less said about the company you keep the better.

You’re been on fire since this whole shabam kicked off eight weeks ago, honestly I’ll be blunt and say it’s a real surprise to see you stoop this low after the way you started, but then maybe the little engine that could has run out of puff?

Bubbly enthusiasm will only get you so far.

Sure, you’re likable, but are you ruthless enough to emerge from a contest like this where everybody is out to stab the nearest girl they see in the back? To claw at each other’s eyes just for a chance to climb into the spotlight?

Can you really be ruthless, Tifa?

Honestly, I can’t envisage it. It’s like trying to imagine a cute little Labrador puppy being capable of tearing a little old Grannies throat out of a fluffy little kitten snapping a gazelles neck. No matter how hard I try I just can’t believe it.

Sorry, T.

But hey, perhaps this kitty really does have claws? Maybe you really can crank it up a notch when you have to but honestly? You’re just too nice to be able to get dirty and fight.

Make no mistake about it, this week will be about who can be the most ruthless, it will have very little to do with who can hit the sweetest elbow drop or perform the best lariat. You’re going to have to get those little dainty pinkies bloody.

Do you really have it in you?

Emma, we’ve already been here once before and honestly, after the last time I saw you I’d more than had my fill of the binge drinking outcast who is constantly being saved by her lovable asexual side kick Andrew.

It seems that early momentum you carried into this whole shindig has well and truly petered out now, but then, who didn’t see that one coming?

Consistency has never been you’re strongest character trait, has it?

One week you’re full of gusto, or rum, or gin, or vodka… then…it’s like you’ve experience a bit of a success hangover and are content on undoing all that good work by slinking on back to complete and total mediocrity.

You were really stamping some authority down in those early weeks and now? You’re down and out in the gutter with Aly.

Rough night?

Perhaps it’s time to put down the whisky, sober on up and taste a sweet refreshing swig of reality. You’re going nowhere if you don’t focus on improving yourself, tush. You’ve got all these attributes girls would kill for, raw brute strength, a take no prisoners attitude and yet…you just, plain…

Exist.

That’s all you do, you’re just… there. Instead of standing out from the crowd and being a name on the booking sheet that raises a few eyebrows you’re just somebody we all shrug at because we’ve given up guessing which Emma Danielson we’re going to see this week.

You’ve developed bi-polar professionalism.

Perhaps it’s time to seek help?

So, Big Red, cute name and all that. Remind me, am I meant to be threatened be the whole biker girl schtick and constant reminders of how you used to be good?

Emphasis placed on the “used”.

Nice war stories Grandma, but I live in the here and now. Trust me, nobody here cares what you did for this country.

I suppose I should be thanking you for taking out Ryleigh and creaking that door back open for me but I really aren’t overly keen on re-inflating that rather large ego of yours, it must be gaining critical mass by this point. Thanks for the leg up, G, but I think I am afraid I am going to have to use you as a stepping stone to bigger and better things.

Only this time, you’re not going to have little Joey’s towel to blame for your shortcomings.

Perhaps I shouldn’t mock you, I mean after all you proved to the world that under all that bravado perhaps a little bit of the myth really is reality when you stood tall in the inaugural five way, but it’s been all downhill since hasn’t it?

You’ve already lost to Emma once and Tifa has had the better of you twice, heck I am feeling a little inadequate myself without a victory over the erm… “great”, Alysson Gardner.

Maybe it’s the fact you’ve had your head in the conspiracy theorists book for the past month, or perhaps the mythology has just begun to wear off now. Who knows, all I do know is that these doubts around your characters could go one of two ways.

Either the fiery haired biker chick will rise up and recapture her former glory and roar into that final four with a new vigour or, and sadly for you this is more likely, you’ll continue to spiral downwards before passing into the annals of history where you’ll be forgotten.

Your legacy eclipsed by the next generation who shine brighter as you memory fades away.

Forever.