Post by Avery Barnes on Mar 27, 2016 14:00:19 GMT
Only about four months into the year and already I’ve had enough surprises to last me for the rest of my life. The first and perhaps most obvious is that I’ve had an unprecedented amount of success in a field I always feared I’d just be forever a rookie in. In my short time with the IWF I’ve done pretty well for myself; I’m not about to say I’m the best or anything, because I’m not a braggart and because there are already enough girls saying that already...but even I am noticing that I’m actually...improving. No longer do I have to say that I was carried by my friend and tag partner back in the day...because now I’ve got a track record. It’s all...it’s all kinda new to me and I’m not going to let it get to my head because then I’d be no better than the people I regularly poke fun at for doing it.
I am dealing with the very real possibility that I can have my very first singles championship very soon. And I’m really trying not to think about that because the moment I do is the moment I’m gonna feel the pressure and choke.
Fortunately, my personal life has had plenty of distractions and additions to the weird and surprising scale. Obviously the weirdest was the fact that I went on a date with an older woman who was able to resist my charm. I had assumed we hit it off, she laughed at my jokes...sort of...but I’ve yet to have her call back and I actually liked her...in that I wouldn’t have minded seeing her again like on a date and not just in a ‘morning after’ sort of way. My best friend might become my business partner, assuming I get approved for a loan which...hey...any day now...but the weirdest and most surprising of all, so far anyway, is that the woman I hate the most (and it’s a very close competition) is slowly but surely working her way towards total forgiveness.
I’m speaking, of course, of my mother, Madison Barnes, who, at this very moment, is seated across from me and sipping a cup of tea because coffee, I guess is too good for her. I was so afraid to visit Madison because of how badly she reacted when I came out. She did everything she could to let me know that I was no longer welcome in the house and were it not for my dad I probably would’ve been on the streets well before my eighteenth birthday when I moved out on my own. And yet...this same woman is looking towards me and smiling, not in a sinister way or anything, but a genuine smile.
And standing next to her, just as old if not more so than Madison, is a light black haired woman named Marta. I had incorrectly assumed Marta to be the house keeper. Which is the nice term for maid.
“Marta isn’t the housekeeper, Avery,” Madison informed me after I did the terrible faux pas of asking her nicely how long she was working for my mother. “Though she does have the uniform.”
Really that should’ve been my first clue. My second should’ve been the snicker both Madison and Marta shared...but given that I don’t like to picture any of my family in any sort of...closed door situation I didn’t immediately connect the dots even as they were staring me right in the face.
“I met your mother at a yoga class,”
Marta happily explained and I had to laugh at; the idea of Madison Barnes participating in what she would have once called ‘bullshit practices’ seemed ridiculous...but as I’ve slowly started to find out...people can change sometimes. “We were both very new to it and started helping each other catch up.”
When Marta, while explaining how they met, put her hand on Madison’s shoulder, I really should’ve picked up on that. Reading people is what I do and that was the most obvious tell there is. But again, when it comes to one’s parents...a bit of blindness can happen.
Either way, after the introductions I was whisked into the tea room, which is to say a little room near to the kitchen where Madison and Marta sip at tea in the afternoon because I guess that’s what retired people do these days. I passed on the tea, never did like the stuff, and remained so utterly baffled as to why Madison...why my mother had such a sudden change of heart.
“Look, Madison-”
“Avery, dear, please...you can call me mother.”
“I COULD but my memories of you don’t involve you being particularly motherly.”
“I know, Avery, I know. I was simply...awful. I do understand if you can’t ever forgive me...but I would like it if we were on speaking terms at least. Didn’t your brother tell you that I sent my love to you?”
Jessie did say that. I thought he was making a joke. I still kind of think he was.
“Well, why the sudden change of heart? Is it because of dad?” I’ve always had the feeling that Madison didn’t really love my dad for him. He had some income and an agreeable personality and Madison swooped in to run his household and make herself comfortable for retirement. The classic story, constantly retold. I was close with my dad up until he had to go along with Madison’s wishes and act upset that I revealed myself to be a lesbian. But even so...my dad always gave me an extra piece of dessert...his little way of showing his silent support.
I didn’t have the nerve to speak at his funeral and that’s one regret I’ll never be able to fix.
“Yes, that’s part of it,” Madison began to speak rather nostalgically as she sipped at her tea and smiled towards Marta, “When you moved out he would frequently ask about you...try to get you to come back for the holidays...but I was so...adamant. After he passed away and I retired...I was able to do a lot of...let’s call it soul searching. I travelled. I discovered things about the world and, most importantly, about myself.”
“I hear you’re in talks with studios for a film deal,” while I suppose part of me was glad that Madison had...mellowed considerably with age...it still didn’t mean I wasn’t going to get my cheap shots in where I could take them.
“Ah, still with your little jokes. Your father enjoyed those.”
“Yeah, well, I guess when he was married to someone humorless he had to get comedy from somewhere.”
“Avery, that’s a bit rude don’t-” Marta protested but was stopped by Madison shaking her head. Probably for the best, because I was holding back considerably.
“No no, Marta, Avery has every right. I know that it’s hard to forgive...but-”
“I need money.” I blurted it out just suddenly. I saw an opening, a mutually beneficial one at that, and decided to simply take the shot I had. I believe that’s how the great boring game of golf is played.
“Sorry, I know you’re doing this apologetic thing and if you’ve found happiness then...well that’s good for you. But the reason I came here wasn’t to sip tea. I actually came here with my tail between my legs because I wanted to ask you for some money to help start a business.” I couldn’t have spoke any quicker if I wanted to.
“You’re...starting a business? You mean your-”
“Yes.”
“What about -”
“Working on that. I’m on this quest to become more...mature. More like an adult. And part of maturing is facing your past. Looks like we’re both doing that. Madi….Mom...I’m not going to beg or anything, regardless of what happens...I’m willing to call you on holidays and such. If you could help me out with some starter cash...that would be helpful...but if not...that’s fine too. I’ve gotten this far on my own. But...that’s where I’m at.”
I had to take a breath after my little explanation. I admit that when I arrived, frozen as I was by fear, I didn’t expect this to be the outcome. I expected mom to look down her nose at me and act smug and superior, maybe with some snide comments about my sexuality...just for good measure. Instead, Madison gave an actual, honest smile.
“Marta, dear, could you fetch my checkbook? I think I’m in the market for an investment.”
Madison Barnes might not have been forgiven, but she definitely will be getting a Mother’s Day card from me this year.
~
”How far we’ve come in such a short time, am I right? It wasn’t that long ago, just a little over a month by my calendar, that I first came skipping down towards an IWF ring. And now I’m heading into a match for a championship. Exciting stuff, especially since this could very well be my first actual singles championship - something I’ve always craved and chased...but always fell just a little short of grabbing. Not to sound rude or anything...but I’m really not intending to let another title slip out of my fingers. Third time, they say, is the charm.”
“But of course I did say how far ‘we’ve’ come because my opponent is one I didn’t think I’d be facing. See when I won that four way dance to get this match, I assumed that a different red head would be my opponent, but that’s the nature of the beast, isn’t it? I’m sure not complaining or anything, I’m actually congratulating. You defied my expectations, and that’s great, I love it when people do that.”
“Thing is though, this match is like that awkward meeting between exes where you’re both trying to smile and laugh because you don’t really know what to say but inside one of you is really flipping out because the ex is looking good and doing even better. I say this because I’m the one flipping out inside. Now, Kate Steele and I have never and, considering her relationship status, will never been in a relationship that would generate ‘exes’ but it’s a metaphor. Kate was, however, my first. Well...one half of my firsts. And a girl never forgets her first time.”
“Kate Steele was there to see me into IWF alongside Emma Danielson and in a way it’s kind of fitting how the three of our paths have intersected since my lovely debut in February. Kate allowed me to get the victory on Emma in that first match of mine. Kate, you went on to become Shieldmaiden which, hey, congrats again, girl. I met Emma again, this time flanked by two other women and again found myself coming out on top - because Avery Barnes likes it on top, heyo, that’s the entendre you love. And now it’s like I’m coming full circle. I faced Emma twice and now I’m facing you for the second time, Kate, only this time it’s one on one for an absolutely sparkling prize.”
“I’m in a difficult position here because it’s no grand secret that I’ve made a little bit of a splash. I’m not the type of person who would use that to boost an ego or anything; I respect the hell out of all of you ladies and I’m well aware that my own stock can fall just as fast as its risen. But I see this match as the final undeniable proof that the only thing that ever held me back in the past was myself. Provided, of course, that I walk out of High Stakes with the Shieldmaiden title around my thin little waist.”
“Kate, you’re a fiery little thing, which works for you, but I need you to know that I like you and I wish you well in life and all sorts of positive, nice, vaguely flirtatious words and phrases. I need you to know this because I’ve put in the work to get this far, getting in the way of past champions and would-be queens and adorable Irish gals to get this one match and I literally cannot have it all be for nothing.”
“Before I came here, I was spending my days laying on the floor of my apartment in my underwear watching eighties cartoon reruns and eating the worst stuff. I thought I was unhireable, that my past experiences and records of being a failure would turn away scouts and such. But IWF took a chance on an irreverent lesbian and I’d say they were right to do so. And because of that...I feel like it’s my obligation to become the next Shieldmaiden and finally, truly make something of myself. Like as a legitimate presence in the division.”
“You might think I’ve already MADE a presence for myself, what with having a clean record and generally being seen as quirky and nice even by some of the more...vocal sorts that populate our locker room...but that’s not really having presence. That’s just being seen.”
“I’m glad it turned out this way, I really am. Because now when I win or embarrass myself in trying to win, it’s literally coming full circle...did I say that already? Bears repeating.”
“Do you even remember what you said about me before our first match, Kate? It’s kinda funny now, given how things have gone. But you mentioned how the last time you went against someone new to the company they beat you and went on, a month later, to challenge for a title. Sound familiar? In that scenario of yours it was Shea O’Hara, who you ousted eventually. But if you hear it again, you’ll note how the situation is eerily similar to our present one, Kate.”
“I was new to the company, beat you...and Emma, and a month later I’m challenging for a title. Circular.”
“You said you would kill to be in Shea’s position...well now you are. And while I wouldn’t KILL, because that’s illegal and you’re too adorable to wish ill on, but I WOULD and WILL fight you as long as I have to to finally get the validation and success I’ve always wanted but never could achieve. I don’t care if I end up with some scars or bruises or something so long as I leave Colorado as the new Shieldmaiden.”
“What it’s gonna come down to, in the end, is a struggle to see which of us wants it more. You, Kate, who was tired of the new girls jumping the line off of your back, got yourself a title. And me, Avery, who flirted, winked, and kissed my way up the ranks...inbetween rolling around on the mat of course. Two women with everything to gain from winning or defending what they’ve worked so hard to achieve.”
“Look at it this way, Kate. Even should you fall victim to my wonderful Goodnight Kiss...you’ll always have your music to fall back on. Silver linings, you know?”
“It’s fitting that this is happening at High Stakes...because as far as I’m concerned... this match could not possibly have higher stakes for me. And though I’m not much of a gambler...I do so very much like going all in.”
“That’s also entendre.”
“I hope you’re ready, Kate, to use that voice of yours to give a swan song to your Shieldmaiden days. Because I’m comin’ for it, and I’m not losing another title again.”
I am dealing with the very real possibility that I can have my very first singles championship very soon. And I’m really trying not to think about that because the moment I do is the moment I’m gonna feel the pressure and choke.
Fortunately, my personal life has had plenty of distractions and additions to the weird and surprising scale. Obviously the weirdest was the fact that I went on a date with an older woman who was able to resist my charm. I had assumed we hit it off, she laughed at my jokes...sort of...but I’ve yet to have her call back and I actually liked her...in that I wouldn’t have minded seeing her again like on a date and not just in a ‘morning after’ sort of way. My best friend might become my business partner, assuming I get approved for a loan which...hey...any day now...but the weirdest and most surprising of all, so far anyway, is that the woman I hate the most (and it’s a very close competition) is slowly but surely working her way towards total forgiveness.
I’m speaking, of course, of my mother, Madison Barnes, who, at this very moment, is seated across from me and sipping a cup of tea because coffee, I guess is too good for her. I was so afraid to visit Madison because of how badly she reacted when I came out. She did everything she could to let me know that I was no longer welcome in the house and were it not for my dad I probably would’ve been on the streets well before my eighteenth birthday when I moved out on my own. And yet...this same woman is looking towards me and smiling, not in a sinister way or anything, but a genuine smile.
And standing next to her, just as old if not more so than Madison, is a light black haired woman named Marta. I had incorrectly assumed Marta to be the house keeper. Which is the nice term for maid.
“Marta isn’t the housekeeper, Avery,” Madison informed me after I did the terrible faux pas of asking her nicely how long she was working for my mother. “Though she does have the uniform.”
Really that should’ve been my first clue. My second should’ve been the snicker both Madison and Marta shared...but given that I don’t like to picture any of my family in any sort of...closed door situation I didn’t immediately connect the dots even as they were staring me right in the face.
“I met your mother at a yoga class,”
Marta happily explained and I had to laugh at; the idea of Madison Barnes participating in what she would have once called ‘bullshit practices’ seemed ridiculous...but as I’ve slowly started to find out...people can change sometimes. “We were both very new to it and started helping each other catch up.”
When Marta, while explaining how they met, put her hand on Madison’s shoulder, I really should’ve picked up on that. Reading people is what I do and that was the most obvious tell there is. But again, when it comes to one’s parents...a bit of blindness can happen.
Either way, after the introductions I was whisked into the tea room, which is to say a little room near to the kitchen where Madison and Marta sip at tea in the afternoon because I guess that’s what retired people do these days. I passed on the tea, never did like the stuff, and remained so utterly baffled as to why Madison...why my mother had such a sudden change of heart.
“Look, Madison-”
“Avery, dear, please...you can call me mother.”
“I COULD but my memories of you don’t involve you being particularly motherly.”
“I know, Avery, I know. I was simply...awful. I do understand if you can’t ever forgive me...but I would like it if we were on speaking terms at least. Didn’t your brother tell you that I sent my love to you?”
Jessie did say that. I thought he was making a joke. I still kind of think he was.
“Well, why the sudden change of heart? Is it because of dad?” I’ve always had the feeling that Madison didn’t really love my dad for him. He had some income and an agreeable personality and Madison swooped in to run his household and make herself comfortable for retirement. The classic story, constantly retold. I was close with my dad up until he had to go along with Madison’s wishes and act upset that I revealed myself to be a lesbian. But even so...my dad always gave me an extra piece of dessert...his little way of showing his silent support.
I didn’t have the nerve to speak at his funeral and that’s one regret I’ll never be able to fix.
“Yes, that’s part of it,” Madison began to speak rather nostalgically as she sipped at her tea and smiled towards Marta, “When you moved out he would frequently ask about you...try to get you to come back for the holidays...but I was so...adamant. After he passed away and I retired...I was able to do a lot of...let’s call it soul searching. I travelled. I discovered things about the world and, most importantly, about myself.”
“I hear you’re in talks with studios for a film deal,” while I suppose part of me was glad that Madison had...mellowed considerably with age...it still didn’t mean I wasn’t going to get my cheap shots in where I could take them.
“Ah, still with your little jokes. Your father enjoyed those.”
“Yeah, well, I guess when he was married to someone humorless he had to get comedy from somewhere.”
“Avery, that’s a bit rude don’t-” Marta protested but was stopped by Madison shaking her head. Probably for the best, because I was holding back considerably.
“No no, Marta, Avery has every right. I know that it’s hard to forgive...but-”
“I need money.” I blurted it out just suddenly. I saw an opening, a mutually beneficial one at that, and decided to simply take the shot I had. I believe that’s how the great boring game of golf is played.
“Sorry, I know you’re doing this apologetic thing and if you’ve found happiness then...well that’s good for you. But the reason I came here wasn’t to sip tea. I actually came here with my tail between my legs because I wanted to ask you for some money to help start a business.” I couldn’t have spoke any quicker if I wanted to.
“You’re...starting a business? You mean your-”
“Yes.”
“What about -”
“Working on that. I’m on this quest to become more...mature. More like an adult. And part of maturing is facing your past. Looks like we’re both doing that. Madi….Mom...I’m not going to beg or anything, regardless of what happens...I’m willing to call you on holidays and such. If you could help me out with some starter cash...that would be helpful...but if not...that’s fine too. I’ve gotten this far on my own. But...that’s where I’m at.”
I had to take a breath after my little explanation. I admit that when I arrived, frozen as I was by fear, I didn’t expect this to be the outcome. I expected mom to look down her nose at me and act smug and superior, maybe with some snide comments about my sexuality...just for good measure. Instead, Madison gave an actual, honest smile.
“Marta, dear, could you fetch my checkbook? I think I’m in the market for an investment.”
Madison Barnes might not have been forgiven, but she definitely will be getting a Mother’s Day card from me this year.
~
”How far we’ve come in such a short time, am I right? It wasn’t that long ago, just a little over a month by my calendar, that I first came skipping down towards an IWF ring. And now I’m heading into a match for a championship. Exciting stuff, especially since this could very well be my first actual singles championship - something I’ve always craved and chased...but always fell just a little short of grabbing. Not to sound rude or anything...but I’m really not intending to let another title slip out of my fingers. Third time, they say, is the charm.”
“But of course I did say how far ‘we’ve’ come because my opponent is one I didn’t think I’d be facing. See when I won that four way dance to get this match, I assumed that a different red head would be my opponent, but that’s the nature of the beast, isn’t it? I’m sure not complaining or anything, I’m actually congratulating. You defied my expectations, and that’s great, I love it when people do that.”
“Thing is though, this match is like that awkward meeting between exes where you’re both trying to smile and laugh because you don’t really know what to say but inside one of you is really flipping out because the ex is looking good and doing even better. I say this because I’m the one flipping out inside. Now, Kate Steele and I have never and, considering her relationship status, will never been in a relationship that would generate ‘exes’ but it’s a metaphor. Kate was, however, my first. Well...one half of my firsts. And a girl never forgets her first time.”
“Kate Steele was there to see me into IWF alongside Emma Danielson and in a way it’s kind of fitting how the three of our paths have intersected since my lovely debut in February. Kate allowed me to get the victory on Emma in that first match of mine. Kate, you went on to become Shieldmaiden which, hey, congrats again, girl. I met Emma again, this time flanked by two other women and again found myself coming out on top - because Avery Barnes likes it on top, heyo, that’s the entendre you love. And now it’s like I’m coming full circle. I faced Emma twice and now I’m facing you for the second time, Kate, only this time it’s one on one for an absolutely sparkling prize.”
“I’m in a difficult position here because it’s no grand secret that I’ve made a little bit of a splash. I’m not the type of person who would use that to boost an ego or anything; I respect the hell out of all of you ladies and I’m well aware that my own stock can fall just as fast as its risen. But I see this match as the final undeniable proof that the only thing that ever held me back in the past was myself. Provided, of course, that I walk out of High Stakes with the Shieldmaiden title around my thin little waist.”
“Kate, you’re a fiery little thing, which works for you, but I need you to know that I like you and I wish you well in life and all sorts of positive, nice, vaguely flirtatious words and phrases. I need you to know this because I’ve put in the work to get this far, getting in the way of past champions and would-be queens and adorable Irish gals to get this one match and I literally cannot have it all be for nothing.”
“Before I came here, I was spending my days laying on the floor of my apartment in my underwear watching eighties cartoon reruns and eating the worst stuff. I thought I was unhireable, that my past experiences and records of being a failure would turn away scouts and such. But IWF took a chance on an irreverent lesbian and I’d say they were right to do so. And because of that...I feel like it’s my obligation to become the next Shieldmaiden and finally, truly make something of myself. Like as a legitimate presence in the division.”
“You might think I’ve already MADE a presence for myself, what with having a clean record and generally being seen as quirky and nice even by some of the more...vocal sorts that populate our locker room...but that’s not really having presence. That’s just being seen.”
“I’m glad it turned out this way, I really am. Because now when I win or embarrass myself in trying to win, it’s literally coming full circle...did I say that already? Bears repeating.”
“Do you even remember what you said about me before our first match, Kate? It’s kinda funny now, given how things have gone. But you mentioned how the last time you went against someone new to the company they beat you and went on, a month later, to challenge for a title. Sound familiar? In that scenario of yours it was Shea O’Hara, who you ousted eventually. But if you hear it again, you’ll note how the situation is eerily similar to our present one, Kate.”
“I was new to the company, beat you...and Emma, and a month later I’m challenging for a title. Circular.”
“You said you would kill to be in Shea’s position...well now you are. And while I wouldn’t KILL, because that’s illegal and you’re too adorable to wish ill on, but I WOULD and WILL fight you as long as I have to to finally get the validation and success I’ve always wanted but never could achieve. I don’t care if I end up with some scars or bruises or something so long as I leave Colorado as the new Shieldmaiden.”
“What it’s gonna come down to, in the end, is a struggle to see which of us wants it more. You, Kate, who was tired of the new girls jumping the line off of your back, got yourself a title. And me, Avery, who flirted, winked, and kissed my way up the ranks...inbetween rolling around on the mat of course. Two women with everything to gain from winning or defending what they’ve worked so hard to achieve.”
“Look at it this way, Kate. Even should you fall victim to my wonderful Goodnight Kiss...you’ll always have your music to fall back on. Silver linings, you know?”
“It’s fitting that this is happening at High Stakes...because as far as I’m concerned... this match could not possibly have higher stakes for me. And though I’m not much of a gambler...I do so very much like going all in.”
“That’s also entendre.”
“I hope you’re ready, Kate, to use that voice of yours to give a swan song to your Shieldmaiden days. Because I’m comin’ for it, and I’m not losing another title again.”
Well howdy there pardner.