Post by Mike Machado on Jul 26, 2013 13:04:14 GMT
“JUAN! JUAN CARLOS! We did it man!”
Machado storms his locker room with joy, looking to celebrate his landmark victory with his mentor and teacher.
“Juan?”
Concerned, Mike’s search intensifies briefly before he finds a note on a small table in the room. He hurries to pick up the note and begins to read it out loud.
“Dear Mike,
Our time together has come to an end. You’ve learned all that you can from me, and I’m sure that you’ll put it to good use – both in this match with Jake Keeton and in the future. Please, for the love of god stop wearing that mask. You want people to focus on your glorious mustache, and not your flabby bitch tits.”
Machado glances down at his “flabby bitch-tits” and after a moment nods his head in hesitant agreement.
“You’ve still got much to learn in this business – but I won’t be the one to teach it. Work hard and good things will happen for you.
Sincerely,
Juan Carlos Domingo”
He reads it once more in his head quickly before he puts the note back on the table. He smiles and takes a pensive seat in the locker room.
So – IWF fans. I’ve done it. Finally.
After years of trying, and years of being told that I just wasn’t good enough…
Look at me now!
On top of the world! I’ve finally overcome my demons, and now I’m the #1 contender for the cruiserweight championship.
They’re even throwing a party for me on Sacrifice! Right at the bottom of the card there, you can see it:
“Coronation”
How thoughtful, that they would do a coronation for a #1 contender for a 2nd tier title… just for me.
Before I go on for too long, let me first acknowledge Jake Keeton. Jake, you pushed me to become better. You showed me that mediocre just wasn’t good enough. Sure, you did it by repeatedly shoving my face into the sand over and over again – and you did it with malice and intent to hurt me and embarrass me… but that doesn’t matter now. What matters is that I’ve come out of Lineage with a new outlook on life.
The sky is the limit.
This week I show up at Sacrifice, not just for a celebration, but also for business. Me and Freakke – at it again.
There are the great rivalries in professional wrestling.
Alex Jones and Angel, Steve Awesome and Adam Knite, Mike Machado and Freakke.
I’m not sure what Simon is thinking, giving the fans such a high caliber match for free, but I’m happy to oblige. Me and the clown – giving the fans a show. It’s what we do. It’s what we’ve always done. I will meet you in that ring, and I will shake your hand Freakke – and then we will give the fans a match to remember.
Our paths have certainly crossed before – and I’m not naïve enough to think that this will be the last time. Our futures are undoubtedly intertwined in some way.
The only problem I have with this match – is Bushido providing the stipulation.
I won’t sit here, and tell you that I’m a cultured and educated man – but if this match involves samurai swords, or eating sushi off of each other while we’re naked – I will not be pleased.
I’ll be up front with you Bushido. I don’t like you very much.
I respect you – for what you’ve accomplished. But I know that you will not respect me.
And next month, when we meet in that ring for your title – that will be your demise.
Machado paces around his apartment anxiously. Talking to himself.
“It’s not like I’ve never been alone before. I mean, I can do this, right? I’ll just – you know, study some tape on Freakke and Bushido or something.”
Machado takes a seat at his computer chair and clicks the mouse a few times. An old video of Freakke –vs- Falcon from nCw starts to roll.
“I wonder what Gib is up to!”
Machado turns the match off nearly as quickly as he started it. He pops up out of his computer chair, grabs his phone and presses a few buttons. He puts the phone up to his ear and grins in anticipation.
“GIB! Hey man! It’s Machado!”
“Not a good time? Er.. who is that in the background?”
“Like… as in Nicky Minaj?”
“Oh. Well… oh…”
Machado quickly moves the phone away from his ear as loud screaming, moaning, and slapping sounds. He presses a button and hangs up the phone.
“I feel like maybe I should call 9-1-1…”
He shrugs off the strange call, goes back to his desk and sits back down at his computer. He re-starts the Falcon –vs- Freakke match, and again almost immediately pauses it and picks up his phone.
“I miss Honcho!”
Another few clicks of his phone and it’s ringing. He puts it on speaker and waits patiently. It goes to voicemail.
”You’ve reached the voicemail of Dr. Honcho MD. If you’d like to place an order for male enhancement “Big Johnson tonic” please press one, now. If you’d like to place an order for my revolutionary “Johnson Hair Removal tonic” please press two, now. If you’re calling because you’ve used these products and can no longer reproduce, well then read the goddamn fine print next time, you idiot.”
beep
“Oh – Hey Honcho! It’s Machado, man. Just seeing how things were going. I got this coronation thing for the #1 contender to the cruiserweight title this Monday. I mean it’s no big deal, but it’s kind of a big deal, ya know. Hey – you think you could hook me up with some of that “Big Johnson tonic”? I mean, for a friend. Yeah. Hey call me back, bud!”
Another few clicks on the face of his smart phone, and Machado looks exasperated. He plops back down at his computer and makes a few dis-interested clicks around the monitor with the mouse. The video of Falcon and Freakke starts up again.
“hmm… I wonder…”
Zip. Machado’s zipper comes down. The camera swings around to his back to avoid showing anything obscene. His arm starts to move up and down in a familiar motion. This goes on for about 10 seconds or so.
“Nope. Nothin. Still not gay.”
Up goes the zipper. Out fades the camera.
Machado storms his locker room with joy, looking to celebrate his landmark victory with his mentor and teacher.
“Juan?”
Concerned, Mike’s search intensifies briefly before he finds a note on a small table in the room. He hurries to pick up the note and begins to read it out loud.
“Dear Mike,
Our time together has come to an end. You’ve learned all that you can from me, and I’m sure that you’ll put it to good use – both in this match with Jake Keeton and in the future. Please, for the love of god stop wearing that mask. You want people to focus on your glorious mustache, and not your flabby bitch tits.”
Machado glances down at his “flabby bitch-tits” and after a moment nods his head in hesitant agreement.
“You’ve still got much to learn in this business – but I won’t be the one to teach it. Work hard and good things will happen for you.
Sincerely,
Juan Carlos Domingo”
He reads it once more in his head quickly before he puts the note back on the table. He smiles and takes a pensive seat in the locker room.
So – IWF fans. I’ve done it. Finally.
After years of trying, and years of being told that I just wasn’t good enough…
Look at me now!
On top of the world! I’ve finally overcome my demons, and now I’m the #1 contender for the cruiserweight championship.
They’re even throwing a party for me on Sacrifice! Right at the bottom of the card there, you can see it:
“Coronation”
How thoughtful, that they would do a coronation for a #1 contender for a 2nd tier title… just for me.
Before I go on for too long, let me first acknowledge Jake Keeton. Jake, you pushed me to become better. You showed me that mediocre just wasn’t good enough. Sure, you did it by repeatedly shoving my face into the sand over and over again – and you did it with malice and intent to hurt me and embarrass me… but that doesn’t matter now. What matters is that I’ve come out of Lineage with a new outlook on life.
The sky is the limit.
This week I show up at Sacrifice, not just for a celebration, but also for business. Me and Freakke – at it again.
There are the great rivalries in professional wrestling.
Alex Jones and Angel, Steve Awesome and Adam Knite, Mike Machado and Freakke.
I’m not sure what Simon is thinking, giving the fans such a high caliber match for free, but I’m happy to oblige. Me and the clown – giving the fans a show. It’s what we do. It’s what we’ve always done. I will meet you in that ring, and I will shake your hand Freakke – and then we will give the fans a match to remember.
Our paths have certainly crossed before – and I’m not naïve enough to think that this will be the last time. Our futures are undoubtedly intertwined in some way.
The only problem I have with this match – is Bushido providing the stipulation.
I won’t sit here, and tell you that I’m a cultured and educated man – but if this match involves samurai swords, or eating sushi off of each other while we’re naked – I will not be pleased.
I’ll be up front with you Bushido. I don’t like you very much.
I respect you – for what you’ve accomplished. But I know that you will not respect me.
And next month, when we meet in that ring for your title – that will be your demise.
Machado paces around his apartment anxiously. Talking to himself.
“It’s not like I’ve never been alone before. I mean, I can do this, right? I’ll just – you know, study some tape on Freakke and Bushido or something.”
Machado takes a seat at his computer chair and clicks the mouse a few times. An old video of Freakke –vs- Falcon from nCw starts to roll.
“I wonder what Gib is up to!”
Machado turns the match off nearly as quickly as he started it. He pops up out of his computer chair, grabs his phone and presses a few buttons. He puts the phone up to his ear and grins in anticipation.
“GIB! Hey man! It’s Machado!”
“Not a good time? Er.. who is that in the background?”
“Like… as in Nicky Minaj?”
“Oh. Well… oh…”
Machado quickly moves the phone away from his ear as loud screaming, moaning, and slapping sounds. He presses a button and hangs up the phone.
“I feel like maybe I should call 9-1-1…”
He shrugs off the strange call, goes back to his desk and sits back down at his computer. He re-starts the Falcon –vs- Freakke match, and again almost immediately pauses it and picks up his phone.
“I miss Honcho!”
Another few clicks of his phone and it’s ringing. He puts it on speaker and waits patiently. It goes to voicemail.
”You’ve reached the voicemail of Dr. Honcho MD. If you’d like to place an order for male enhancement “Big Johnson tonic” please press one, now. If you’d like to place an order for my revolutionary “Johnson Hair Removal tonic” please press two, now. If you’re calling because you’ve used these products and can no longer reproduce, well then read the goddamn fine print next time, you idiot.”
beep
“Oh – Hey Honcho! It’s Machado, man. Just seeing how things were going. I got this coronation thing for the #1 contender to the cruiserweight title this Monday. I mean it’s no big deal, but it’s kind of a big deal, ya know. Hey – you think you could hook me up with some of that “Big Johnson tonic”? I mean, for a friend. Yeah. Hey call me back, bud!”
Another few clicks on the face of his smart phone, and Machado looks exasperated. He plops back down at his computer and makes a few dis-interested clicks around the monitor with the mouse. The video of Falcon and Freakke starts up again.
“hmm… I wonder…”
Zip. Machado’s zipper comes down. The camera swings around to his back to avoid showing anything obscene. His arm starts to move up and down in a familiar motion. This goes on for about 10 seconds or so.
“Nope. Nothin. Still not gay.”
Up goes the zipper. Out fades the camera.
Well howdy there pardner.