Post by Fiona McFly on Jan 16, 2017 4:37:59 GMT
INTERMISSION
“Insert Coin”
“Insert Coin”
We see what appears to be a bridge suspended over a pool of orange lava. An ominous, yet rather familiar, 8-bit music cue plays in the background as fireballs pop up and down from the dangerous firepit below. Suddenly, a pixelated ghostly figure--sporting red with the initial "M" on the front--saunters onto the left-hand side of the bridge, standing between the twin fireballs and "blinking" its eyes as text appears above it.
”And now, I, the vivacious Meryl, present to you...MY Champion, YOUR Champion...Hillary!”
The soundbyte of boos begins to play as another ghost--clad in blue attire with the letter "H" on the front--twirls into the picture and stops next to the one called "Meryl." The both jump up and down wildly, celebrating an apparent "victory" of some sort by tossing little hammers into the air, giving the camera continuous "winks" with their eyes.
”Say...what do you think of all those people who didn’t vote for you in the last election?”
”They belong in a basket full of irredeemable deplorables...”
”Yeah...it’s too bad my world is full of diverse outsiders, daring to dream amidst cries of oppression and hypocrisy.”
More "boos" begin to play as the spectral sprites begin dancing their own version of an Irish jig, promping more celebratory hammers to go flying in all directions. The pair stop on the right-hand side of the screen, where a small "P-switch" is located.
”We could STILL win...four years from now.”
"Hillary" blinks her eyes with pride, watching as her partner-in-crime gets a little closer to the yellow button.
”Hrmm...you can be my running mate anytime.”
”Bullshit sister. You can be mine...”
We see a small line above the left eye of "Meryl," followed by several animated question marks that pop overhead, as the red ghost inches closer toward the flashing "P-switch," apparently clueless to what might happen.
"Hrmmm...I wonder what THIS is..."
"GAHHHH--DON'T TOUCH IT!! IT'S A TRAP!!!"
"Hillary", as we hear a single trumpet blast followed by an overhead exclamation mark, immediately "runs" toward the other specter, but it's too late as the red-clad steps onto the switch. The music stops playing, creating a few moments of nothing but pure, unadulterated silence. As the two ghosts slink towards the middle of the bridge, we hear the sound of a whip cracking as a glob of green slime falls on the enemies from overhead, covering them from "head to toe" in the muck. Suddenly, the theme to the classic NES title "The Legend of Zelda" begins to play as we see a heroic female figure standing tall over the bad guys, clad in white as she continues to crack her whip onto the bridge.
“I told you so! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha...”
The heroine stands her ground as the enemies charge, only to be taken out one by one with the whip as the number "5000" flashes on screen twice! She then runs toward the end of the bridge and into the next champion, where a male figure--sporting a pixelated black suit, hair, and slight moustache, stands on the other side. The two figures meet, and we see a pink heart over them as a final message appears on the screen, to a triumphant "victory" jingle.
"I love you Fiona!
But your Diamonds Championship is in another castle.
-Your dashing future hubby, Jack."
But your Diamonds Championship is in another castle.
-Your dashing future hubby, Jack."
The screen cuts to black...and we see the two most dreaded words in all of video gaming, accompanied by the traditional Super Mario Bros. sad cue.
"GAME OVER"
~TO BE CONTINUED~
~~~~~~~~
Dear Sara…
Apparently, you look like you had a little “accident.”
How does it feel to be a part of a brand...that was outfoxed by a singular entity?
Think about it for a moment, okay? You said that your sister Paige vanquished the nostalgia that is Jessica Reed. You told the entire planet that she inspired future daughters to work harder in order to accomplish their dreams. You spouted out about how the fans’ booing was just for show, that they REALLY appreciated the brand. When I think about that for a fleeting moment, all I can think about was “fuck’s sake, Sara is matter-of-factly right on as usual...”
Except...there was a problem.
One. Fucking. MAJOR Problem.
You didn’t think anyone could come out and spoil your sister’s little celebration after you introduced her. Time and time again, the Garcias have prided themselves on running roughshod over the Imperial world without being checked, without fear of retribution, none of it. But when I realised, whilst in Switzerland, that lying back and merely watching the proceedings wasn’t a good idea, making me feel very tortured as you and Paige made a mockery of the entire Division, I decided to go out to that stage...and spoiled your precious party, laughing the whole time as your $1.98 fake designer dress was covered in Slimer’s glop.
I told you so...as the cliché goes, that is.
And now you, the lesser-accomplished darling known as Sara, gets to deal with me this week. I know, I know...you’re going to babble on about how honest you REALLY are, about how much pride you take in keeping that Garcia brand name intact through any means necessary...blah-blah-blahhhh. That’s your modus operanidi, that’s how you allow yourself to skirt through the entire Diamonds division for all these past several years—daring to dream big and stepping out of the shadows of your more “accomplished” sister.
Unfortunately for you...you’re always held back by your own hubris yet you STILL deny that to this very day. You couldn’t win the Heiress to the Throne series despite “dominating” the competition—and I use that word VERY loosely as you relied HEAVILY on Paige’s merits, not your own. You didn’t want to really take the Shieldmaidon away from your dear own sister ‘cos you didn’t want anything to get in the way of the brand name. You couldn’t even beat Eternity SEVERAL times, Diamonds title match or otherwise, when it mattered the most and in SPITE of your twin’s shenanigans…
...and yet here you are, calling yourself a “survivor.” You think it’s FUN being the less sassier of the pair, keeping your sense of pride intact whilst playing second fiddle to Paige’s accomplishments all the time?
You’re wrong.
You’re fucking DEAD wrong.
Face it sweetheart, it’s time for you to pack up your shite, grab your gear, go home, and don’t let the door hit you in the arse on the way out. ‘Cos as far as I’m concerned, you will NEVER, EVER have the mental capacity to truly lead the Diamonds division into greatness. You will never be as good, or dominant, of a champion as your sister. You will never surpass Paige as long as you keep playing the rank-and-file charade that you’ve been playing your entire career. You will be nothing else except a follower for the rest of your fucking life…
...and I mean EVERY word I say.
You know NOTHING of what I went through during my time spent in the mountains. I learned that growth doesn’t mean resting on your laurels, but rather being proactive and taking risks. As a result, I did the things that neither you NOR Paige said I was capable of doing. I outsmarted you. I out-thought you. I outclassed you and the brand name. I proved to the entire planet that I was going to do EXACTLY what I said I was going to do—that I’d be seeing the Garcia moniker again in 2017. You can laugh all you want, you can smile all you want, but by the end of the night, you’re going to find out FIRSTHAND that I’m not, nor will ever be again, the same Fiona McFly who won the Iron Maiden...only to waste it away ‘cos of my own uncertainty.
I am the TRUE future of this division, its REAL heroine and saviour...and that little glob of ectoplasma I had rain down upon you...that was only the first surprise I’ve got in store for you…
...the first of many.
Cheers!
Well howdy there pardner.