Post by Eternity on Feb 11, 2017 23:07:34 GMT
When was the last time you felt alive?
I mean really alive?
Those special little moments we all experience for far too short a season in our lives. Moments where we feel our hearts thumping in our chests. Moments when electricity shoots through our every last nerve, setting our every last extremity on fire.
Tingles!
Oh the tingles!
I'll never forget them. I still remember the last time I felt them.
January 29th, 2017.
The night everything changed, forever...
Her eyes follow the EMT team wheeling Helena Sawyer backstage.
Woman: If she's seriously injured, I need to be there. I'm her...caretaker...
Through narrowed slits of glistening emerald she watches "The Caretaker" through her little window to the rest of this world.
Caretaker...
The word left their lips at the same time, echoes whispered into an eternity beyond them both.
Her mouth curves slowly upward, a subtle but twisted smile.
The sweetest lies always masquerade as the kindest words, whispered for an eternity only she remembers.
Little round white lies, promises of sparing her pain, ringing in her ears - a carol of the bells, relentless and deafening.
Pain.
A pain never forgotten, never ending, eternal. She grimaces.
The plastic cap turns and pops and a couple of pills spill across her open palm, finally free. She brings them up to her mouth and whips her head back before swallowing...
You hear me sigh.
And so the circle continues...
You see me then start to unwrap the burnt barbed wire from around the bat carefully.
We know it well, don't we Spikey? Almost too well some would say. Almost too close. Closer than so many brothers and sisters have been or will ever be again. That is the story of the Dalmons. A family like we have never known. A family we will never know again.
They look after each other, just like all good brothers and sisters should.
So who looks after them?
Is it Mommy and Daddy or is it just their money?
The ultimate caretaker. Well suited to most jobs, especially all the jobs the Dalmons will never have to do. Money will continue to see them through this life, but what about the next? The golden spoon is at a silver fork in the road. One she has never learned to eat with, and so we will press it up against her throat. Slicing her apple, and then in her screams, she will know that there are things in this life that even Lizzy Dalmon cannot afford.
I wonder if she screams as well as she sings.
She has such a lovely, lovely voice, don't you think?
You see me then lock eyes with Warren, clearly he wasn't expecting it.
Warren: Uh, I don't know. She's a typical spoiled little princess. They all sound the same...
The disdain in Warren's voice was obvious, his lament for a family more fortunate than his own was clear, and it made me laugh.
HuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
THEY DO! THEY REALLY DO!
Three and a half years of voices. Many many voices. So, so many. Too many to count, yet somehow we bring them all together so beautifully. They sing to us, about us. Sirens lost at sea, rudderless ships in the night they pass. Vanishing into the abyss, sailors abandoned, left to drown - never to be heard from again...
Will that be her fate too?
Time will tell, as it always does.
Will that be your fate Lizzy?
I don't know. It's out of my hands, and in the hands of your dear, dear brother. A shared bond, a shared face, a shared fate?
That is the stuff of all great tragedies, as they are told. Divorced from reality, caught up in flights of fantasy. Each of them bought and paid for, every luxury afforded and every whim indulged. Your whole life spent in a nest egg, a bird whose wings never grew, even as she grew fat upon the worms that have always sustained her...
She turns her beak up towards Heaven, the eyes of the magpie suddenly enchanted by everything shiny she sees and yet nothing she wants. And so she lies whilst the dragon flies, carrying the shield of the fallen and the slain. Better warriors, hungrier mouths, not content to live on somebody else's regurgitation.
You see now that the bat has been stripped bare, as I speak to it, softly, caressing its naked form.
You've worn it so well, for so long. A second skin, paper thin. And so has she...
Dressed in all its colour, but none of its value, Lizzy Dalmon comes for my shield. A shade of sickness, a hue of envy, each are painted across her face as she walks into my department store and covets my wares, knowing not the true cost of what she wants to buy. On impulse. Just because it exists and is not hers yet. Not yet, not yet, perhaps never. So she turns to her brother, the one who has always taken care of her.
Bought her out of every situation.
He swipes. A rejection...
Sorry sir, it didn't go through.
Try the other card, Lizzy says.
And so he does. He loves her and he would do anything for her.
Another swipe. Another rejection.
Another limit reached.
And now Lizzy wants to die. She imagines the ground opening up to swallow her whole, right there and then. At least then she'd not have to feel this way, vulnerable. Oh so vulnerable, for the first time in her life not even her brother is there in the end.
Stripped of every advantage, every care taken, now she wishes for death.
And so it comes, not from below, but from above.
So far above, from the Heavens.
Plucked from her nest by the one thing no princess can ever hope to buy...
A dragon...
Now a couple of her hooded Angels re-emerge from the shadows, one carrying a small cloth bag, and the other a hammer.
You see my eyes light up as I grab the bag and empty its contents onto the floor around me. Each sliver nail bounces free as it hits the floor.
OOOOOH MAKEOVER!
You see me excitedly clap before I pick up the bat.
No more living in your brother's shadow for you, Spikey!
You take care of me, I take care of you. Everybody needs somebody to look after them, don't they?
You see me then take the hammer in one hand, and one of the nails in the other.
Looking out for each other. It's what we do, and what we will do. From now until...
Until FOREVER!
The things we will do, the fun we will have! Just you wait, you'll see!
You see me carefully line up a nail with the head of the bat.
We will be better than them, all of them. Between you and me, you will be the best caretaker ever...
The hammer strikes the first nail as it is driven into the wood under her power.
I mean really alive?
Those special little moments we all experience for far too short a season in our lives. Moments where we feel our hearts thumping in our chests. Moments when electricity shoots through our every last nerve, setting our every last extremity on fire.
Tingles!
Oh the tingles!
I'll never forget them. I still remember the last time I felt them.
January 29th, 2017.
The night everything changed, forever...
*****
Her eyes follow the EMT team wheeling Helena Sawyer backstage.
The medics whisper among themselves as they hurry towards the waiting ambulance, and a little blonde girl turns to them, her grace broken.
Girl: Is she going to be alright?
Paramedic: Sweetie, I'm going to need you to step back and give us room to work here.
The little girl shakes her head.
Girl: No, I'm staying with Mommy!
Woman: If she's seriously injured, I need to be there. I'm her...caretaker...
Through narrowed slits of glistening emerald she watches "The Caretaker" through her little window to the rest of this world.
Caretaker...
The word left their lips at the same time, echoes whispered into an eternity beyond them both.
Her mouth curves slowly upward, a subtle but twisted smile.
Daddy steps in, firmly but gently taking her hand.
Daddy : Hey. Hey, honey, look at me, listen to me. It's going to be alright. Mommy's going to be alright. We're going to be alright. We're going to make it through this, I promise...
The sweetest lies always masquerade as the kindest words, whispered for an eternity only she remembers.
Little round white lies, promises of sparing her pain, ringing in her ears - a carol of the bells, relentless and deafening.
Pain.
A pain never forgotten, never ending, eternal. She grimaces.
The plastic cap turns and pops and a couple of pills spill across her open palm, finally free. She brings them up to her mouth and whips her head back before swallowing...
*****
Through gentle, steady rhythmic puffs of grey smoke - dragon's breath - you are brought forth once more into my world. You hear a chorus of Angels singing.
Angels: Shadows fall and hope has fled
Steel your heart
The dawn will come...
As the smoke starts to clear, you see four little scarlet hoods, each holding a candle as they circle a seven foot golden iron maiden with the face of Mother Mary, her little angels singing all the while. Either side of the maiden are two giant bald, moustached men who are each juggling three flaming torches.
Angels: The night is long and the path is dark
Look to the sky, for one day soon
The dawn will come
You then see a fifth taller hood step out from the surrounding darkness, a barb wire baseball bat hanging from one of his gloved hands by his side, as Warren Kane lends his voice to her choir.
All: The Shepard's lost and his home is far
Keep to the stars
The dawn will come
The night is long and the path is dark
Look to the sky, for one day soon
The dawn will come
Warren's voice drops out as the iron maiden swings open, but the Angel's continue their song as orange smoke pours out and slowly dissipates revealing me to you - an eternal maiden, for whom there is no beginning or end. A silver shield strapped to my waist. You see Warren step forward and hand me the bat, his head bowed.
Angels: Bare your blade and raise it high
Stand your ground
The dawn will come
The night is long and the path is dark
Look to the sky, for one day soon
The dawn will come
Warren steps aside as the Angels drift into pairs either side of the larger than life cocoon as I slowly step out from the inside, free once more.
You see a brilliant shade of purple lining my eyes, enhancing their unnatural green colour.
The four candles line themselves up in front of me and you hear me blow gently. All four of the dancing little flames go out as you see me smile as I dismiss my other children back into the shadows from where they came.
You see me sit down, cross-legged on the ground and place the barbed wire baseball bat on the ground before me.
Warren then steps forward again, removing his gloves slowly as she gestures for him to sit. He hands the black leather gloves to her before accepting her invitation and mirroring her seated position in front of her.
You see me then slip the gloves on, carefully.
Ooooohhhh, still nice and warm. Toasty. It's the little things Kidd, the little things. Never forget the value of the little things, because those are the things that show us somebody still cares about us. Sometimes the little things are the only things we can count on to keep us going. The only things that protect us, keep us safe - whether it be from the frostbite promised by a lingering winter or the pain of a sudden change.
A metamorphosis you just weren't ready for, but one that happened anyway.
That's just the way life is.
Sometimes the only way forward, towards the light, towards knowing and understanding is through perpetual darkness.
Endless night, a continuous circle of pain and suffering.
I tried to warn her, I tried to warn them, but she didn't listen. They didn't listen. None of them ever listened to me.
Instead they carried on, convinced they knew better. Convinced I was crazy. Convinced they knew me and what was best for me. This is an electroshock machine, he said. It will end your pain, he said. I will end your pain, she said. A syringe, a needle, a pill, a session. Three doctors, two nurses and an orderly.
In time, each of them proven liars. Each a paid professional, following a dream, following an inspiration. Studying hard, driven by one purpose, one goal, one oath. To save lives. To help people. To bring me to a natural end - that is what Helena promised me, and that is what Jinx before her promised me.
To lay my soul to rest.
To relieve me of every burden that they've never themselves been able to carry.
They're not strong enough. Not real enough - merely caricatures made up like clowns.
Nothing like you and me, Kidd.
No, nothing like us at all...
You see me slowly shake my head.
Caricatures amused by an act that was not an act. Never an act. Never like them. I just wish I was. It would be easier then, if all of this was just some lingering nightmare that I could finally wake from - but it will never be that way. Not for me, not for you and not for us, Kidd. We're all alone.
All alone together.
And together we will never be alone, ever again.
I will take care of you, Kidd, just like her, and her brother too...
You hear me sigh as I pick up the baseball bat. You see me slowly twirl it in my gloved hand, eyes fixed on the battle blackened barbed wire it wore.
And then they will mourn. They will all mourn. Brothers mourning sisters, brothers mourning brothers, brothers mourning sons, and brothers mourning for daughters all alone, lost...
Angels: Shadows fall and hope has fled
Steel your heart
The dawn will come...
As the smoke starts to clear, you see four little scarlet hoods, each holding a candle as they circle a seven foot golden iron maiden with the face of Mother Mary, her little angels singing all the while. Either side of the maiden are two giant bald, moustached men who are each juggling three flaming torches.
Angels: The night is long and the path is dark
Look to the sky, for one day soon
The dawn will come
You then see a fifth taller hood step out from the surrounding darkness, a barb wire baseball bat hanging from one of his gloved hands by his side, as Warren Kane lends his voice to her choir.
All: The Shepard's lost and his home is far
Keep to the stars
The dawn will come
The night is long and the path is dark
Look to the sky, for one day soon
The dawn will come
Warren's voice drops out as the iron maiden swings open, but the Angel's continue their song as orange smoke pours out and slowly dissipates revealing me to you - an eternal maiden, for whom there is no beginning or end. A silver shield strapped to my waist. You see Warren step forward and hand me the bat, his head bowed.
Angels: Bare your blade and raise it high
Stand your ground
The dawn will come
The night is long and the path is dark
Look to the sky, for one day soon
The dawn will come
Warren steps aside as the Angels drift into pairs either side of the larger than life cocoon as I slowly step out from the inside, free once more.
You see a brilliant shade of purple lining my eyes, enhancing their unnatural green colour.
The four candles line themselves up in front of me and you hear me blow gently. All four of the dancing little flames go out as you see me smile as I dismiss my other children back into the shadows from where they came.
You see me sit down, cross-legged on the ground and place the barbed wire baseball bat on the ground before me.
Warren then steps forward again, removing his gloves slowly as she gestures for him to sit. He hands the black leather gloves to her before accepting her invitation and mirroring her seated position in front of her.
You see me then slip the gloves on, carefully.
Ooooohhhh, still nice and warm. Toasty. It's the little things Kidd, the little things. Never forget the value of the little things, because those are the things that show us somebody still cares about us. Sometimes the little things are the only things we can count on to keep us going. The only things that protect us, keep us safe - whether it be from the frostbite promised by a lingering winter or the pain of a sudden change.
A metamorphosis you just weren't ready for, but one that happened anyway.
That's just the way life is.
Sometimes the only way forward, towards the light, towards knowing and understanding is through perpetual darkness.
Endless night, a continuous circle of pain and suffering.
I tried to warn her, I tried to warn them, but she didn't listen. They didn't listen. None of them ever listened to me.
Instead they carried on, convinced they knew better. Convinced I was crazy. Convinced they knew me and what was best for me. This is an electroshock machine, he said. It will end your pain, he said. I will end your pain, she said. A syringe, a needle, a pill, a session. Three doctors, two nurses and an orderly.
In time, each of them proven liars. Each a paid professional, following a dream, following an inspiration. Studying hard, driven by one purpose, one goal, one oath. To save lives. To help people. To bring me to a natural end - that is what Helena promised me, and that is what Jinx before her promised me.
To lay my soul to rest.
To relieve me of every burden that they've never themselves been able to carry.
They're not strong enough. Not real enough - merely caricatures made up like clowns.
Nothing like you and me, Kidd.
No, nothing like us at all...
You see me slowly shake my head.
Caricatures amused by an act that was not an act. Never an act. Never like them. I just wish I was. It would be easier then, if all of this was just some lingering nightmare that I could finally wake from - but it will never be that way. Not for me, not for you and not for us, Kidd. We're all alone.
All alone together.
And together we will never be alone, ever again.
I will take care of you, Kidd, just like her, and her brother too...
You hear me sigh as I pick up the baseball bat. You see me slowly twirl it in my gloved hand, eyes fixed on the battle blackened barbed wire it wore.
And then they will mourn. They will all mourn. Brothers mourning sisters, brothers mourning brothers, brothers mourning sons, and brothers mourning for daughters all alone, lost...
You hear me sigh.
And so the circle continues...
You see me then start to unwrap the burnt barbed wire from around the bat carefully.
We know it well, don't we Spikey? Almost too well some would say. Almost too close. Closer than so many brothers and sisters have been or will ever be again. That is the story of the Dalmons. A family like we have never known. A family we will never know again.
They look after each other, just like all good brothers and sisters should.
So who looks after them?
Is it Mommy and Daddy or is it just their money?
The ultimate caretaker. Well suited to most jobs, especially all the jobs the Dalmons will never have to do. Money will continue to see them through this life, but what about the next? The golden spoon is at a silver fork in the road. One she has never learned to eat with, and so we will press it up against her throat. Slicing her apple, and then in her screams, she will know that there are things in this life that even Lizzy Dalmon cannot afford.
I wonder if she screams as well as she sings.
She has such a lovely, lovely voice, don't you think?
You see me then lock eyes with Warren, clearly he wasn't expecting it.
Warren: Uh, I don't know. She's a typical spoiled little princess. They all sound the same...
The disdain in Warren's voice was obvious, his lament for a family more fortunate than his own was clear, and it made me laugh.
HuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
THEY DO! THEY REALLY DO!
Three and a half years of voices. Many many voices. So, so many. Too many to count, yet somehow we bring them all together so beautifully. They sing to us, about us. Sirens lost at sea, rudderless ships in the night they pass. Vanishing into the abyss, sailors abandoned, left to drown - never to be heard from again...
Will that be her fate too?
Time will tell, as it always does.
Will that be your fate Lizzy?
I don't know. It's out of my hands, and in the hands of your dear, dear brother. A shared bond, a shared face, a shared fate?
That is the stuff of all great tragedies, as they are told. Divorced from reality, caught up in flights of fantasy. Each of them bought and paid for, every luxury afforded and every whim indulged. Your whole life spent in a nest egg, a bird whose wings never grew, even as she grew fat upon the worms that have always sustained her...
She turns her beak up towards Heaven, the eyes of the magpie suddenly enchanted by everything shiny she sees and yet nothing she wants. And so she lies whilst the dragon flies, carrying the shield of the fallen and the slain. Better warriors, hungrier mouths, not content to live on somebody else's regurgitation.
You see now that the bat has been stripped bare, as I speak to it, softly, caressing its naked form.
You've worn it so well, for so long. A second skin, paper thin. And so has she...
Dressed in all its colour, but none of its value, Lizzy Dalmon comes for my shield. A shade of sickness, a hue of envy, each are painted across her face as she walks into my department store and covets my wares, knowing not the true cost of what she wants to buy. On impulse. Just because it exists and is not hers yet. Not yet, not yet, perhaps never. So she turns to her brother, the one who has always taken care of her.
Bought her out of every situation.
He swipes. A rejection...
Sorry sir, it didn't go through.
Try the other card, Lizzy says.
And so he does. He loves her and he would do anything for her.
Another swipe. Another rejection.
Another limit reached.
And now Lizzy wants to die. She imagines the ground opening up to swallow her whole, right there and then. At least then she'd not have to feel this way, vulnerable. Oh so vulnerable, for the first time in her life not even her brother is there in the end.
Stripped of every advantage, every care taken, now she wishes for death.
And so it comes, not from below, but from above.
So far above, from the Heavens.
Plucked from her nest by the one thing no princess can ever hope to buy...
A dragon...
Now a couple of her hooded Angels re-emerge from the shadows, one carrying a small cloth bag, and the other a hammer.
You see my eyes light up as I grab the bag and empty its contents onto the floor around me. Each sliver nail bounces free as it hits the floor.
OOOOOH MAKEOVER!
You see me excitedly clap before I pick up the bat.
No more living in your brother's shadow for you, Spikey!
You take care of me, I take care of you. Everybody needs somebody to look after them, don't they?
You see me then take the hammer in one hand, and one of the nails in the other.
Looking out for each other. It's what we do, and what we will do. From now until...
Until FOREVER!
The things we will do, the fun we will have! Just you wait, you'll see!
You see me carefully line up a nail with the head of the bat.
We will be better than them, all of them. Between you and me, you will be the best caretaker ever...
The hammer strikes the first nail as it is driven into the wood under her power.
So, this is how she deals with being vulnerable. Poor bitch...
Well howdy there pardner.