Carnaval de Muerte

[Gabriela Luna]

I know what people want of me.

They want me to come out blazin’ hot, spitting insults and thumping my chest like this is just some other match, like this week’s just another bitch waitin’ to get mowed down. I’ma be straight with y’all, if that’s what you expect, turn back now. I ain’t gonna be all the same old same old. This ain’t the same, so I ain’t bein’ the same. Sound fair?

Ain’t no Diamond in this company like Eternity. You got people who want to be her. People who ain’t got a damn thing in common with her. And people who get a lot closer to her than they want to admit. See, Eternity’s like a fire. She’s brilliant, she…she draws you in, comprende? She illuminates things y’all didn’t ever want to see before. But you get too close, you start seein’ the warning signs. Things start getting’ too hot to handle. Ya get closer anyway, ‘cause you…you gotta know. You gotta know what’s at the core.

And then she burns you.

She burns you good, and you pull back, and she says you learned your lesson. ‘cause that’s what she does. She teaches you by makin’ you hurt. And she’s so fuckin’ smug about it. See, that’s the thing that gets me. She knows plenty, and you can learn from dealin’ with her bullshit, but she just…rubs it in your face that you don’t get it. Actin’ like it’s your fault for wantin’, like you oughta get down on your goddamn knees and thank her for the privilege of steppin’ up to her psychotic ass. Uh-uh. I know what I see, and I see what kind of bullshit she’s slingin’, and I’m not buyin’ it.

She thinks death scares me? Death ain’t scary. I’m not any of the bitches you’ve dealt with before. I don’t fear death, I walk with it. See, death comes for all of us eventually. Don’t gotta wait for Eternity. Trick is bracing yourself for it. And…I’ve been bracing for it for a long time. I was ready for death to take me a long time ago. Bein’ ready has its perks, though. Like knowin’ when it ain’t your time. And straight up? It’s not my time.

I got so much more left to do in this world, and I ain’t gonna stop until I get what I want. And what I want right now, more than anything? Is to be the woman who takes that Shieldmaiden out of your hands. I want to lay you the fuck down and finally get that satisfaction that nobody’s had in so long. I wanna be able to walk out on Sacrifice and say “look at me. I beat Eternity.” Not because someone else punked you out and I climbed a ladder, but because I beat yo’ ass proper. I gotta prove it. You ain’t death. You ain’t inevitable. We all fall, woman, and you’re just as mortal as the rest of us.

Aunque ande en valle de sombra de muerte, no temeré mal alguno, porque tú estarás conmigo; tu vara y tu cayado me infundirán aliento. Familiar words for a lot of people. Words of comfort, words of safety. But for me, they’re a game plan. We're walking into New Orleans. La ciudad que preocupa olvidó. But I ain't forgot. I got cares aplenty. I care about making out of Danger Zone without being stuffed into that damn box. I care about putting a lid on the story that you can't be beat. And I care...me importa la idea que puedo ser un campeón. It's what I want, it's what I need.

Like the air I breathe and soar through, I need it. And if I'm gonna have it, I'm gonna have to slay the dragon and bury it deep. It's a tall order, and...in case y'ain't noticed, I ain't exactly one for tall orders. But I can make things work. After all...I got a code I live by. It's gonna have to be enough to take me through this.

So I'ma fly high. I'ma drink hard. I'ma hit harder. And I...I'ma take it home. Para la gloria. Para el honor. Para la emoción. Para todos los momentos de dolor, de miedo, de tinieblas...para la luz en esos lugares de terrór. Eternity's a dragon. Big, scary, bloody, vicious. But...dragons are mortal. Soy la fénix. If she tries to cut me down, I'll rise from these ashes. Hit me with the worst you got, bring your twisted labyrinth of a mind and all the pain it can inflict. The truth is...it ain't gonna be enough.

Descansa en paz. Let's light this up.

---

Gabriela walks down the sidewalk, the atmosphere of New Orleans blaring around her. She inhales deeply, breathing in the warm, at least for mid-February, air. A grin flits across her face as she takes in the atmosphere, tourists packing the streets as the revel that is the lead-up to Mardi Gras echoes around her. She looks around, biting her lower lip, and taps her foot, musing to herself. "Hell do I do now?"

As she taps her foot, eyebrows furrowed, a comment floats through the air in her direction, passing between the cacophony of the festivities with a touch of laughter to them and a smoke-addled Cajun accent twisting the syllables ever so slightly. "Why you so worried about what's next, girl?"

Gabriela looks up in confusion, seeing an old African-American man sitting on a bench a short ways down the street. He's wearing a suit that in its day would have been fine, but now shows the marks of the years, threads peeking from its edges and patches sewn carefully to blend with its material. He holds a smoldering cigar between his fingers, and a pair of dark glasses sit on his face. One of the lenses is missing, and the eye that peers out from beneath carries the occlusion of blindness. The skin of his face is paler than that of his hands or the rest of his head, almost ashen. Despite his lack of gaze, Gabriela's shoulders slump slightly, as if the weight of a gaze is bearing down on them. The old man laughs, a ragged noise, pulling itself out of his throat hand-over-hand to tumble forth from his lips. "Ah, mon cher, this life been good to me. It teach me a lot of things, you know? Let me teach you. Sometimes, you get to where you need by not thinking about it, comprendez?"

Gabriela blinks, mouthing 'what the fuck?' as she looks the old man over. He shifts slightly in his seat, cocking an eyebrow in her direction as a wry grin curls itself around the corner of his mouth. "Ah-ah. I may not see, but I hear, and I hear you good. Pretty girls shouldn't curse...or if you gonna curse, do it more. Nothing is good in moderation." He laughs again, the amusement turning to a hacking cough as the old man leans forward. Gabriela smirks as he looks back up at her, taking a deep breath and sighing. "I live too long, ouais? Smoke too much. Now I paying the price. Lessons of time, girl."

She takes a few steps closer to the old man, a look of bafflement on her face. The old man cracks a grin, patting the space next to him, and takes a puff of his cigar as looks up at the sky, smile as content as can be. Gabriela sidles over cautiously, sitting down next to the man and keeping a healthy distance. If he notices, he doesn't seem to be perturbed. "You young, girl. You got so much time. Why you trippin' over yourself?"

Gabriela looks somewhat miffed at the inquiry, crossing her arms and returning the cocked eyebrow of earlier. "Oye, viejo. I do what I do because I want to, nada mas. I think you would have met some people like that before, no?"

"Ah, mais oui," the old man says, nodding. "I met people like you. But not quite like you. You got a fire in you, girl. Heat and heart, la chaleur et le coeur. It fit. Warmth for the cold months. Now...tell me, girl. What got you so tied up?"

Gabriela rolls her eyes, looking over at the old man again. She hesitates for a moment, a very noticeable "fuck it" expression crossing her face, and she turns to face him a little more. "Okay, so here's how it goes. I'm good at fighting. Fought all my life. Now I get paid to do it. I got a big fight ahead of me...and it ain't feeling like the rest. Lots of glory, big prize, big money...but it feels like I'm walkin' down the road to dance with death...like she wants to really bury me, not just beat me. Does that make any sense?"

The old man responds with a howling laugh, clapping his hands and nodding as he sways in place. Gabriela looks at him with a mix of confusion and annoyance on her face as he cackles, sighing and waving a hand at her with a smile. "Aaaah...child, child. I know your fear. No matter what you call it, it fear. But trust me, girl. It's not your time. Your time come, you get taken. But not now. No no no, not now. Your fear...it cannot box you in if you don't let it. You're not a girl who shrinks from a little danger, right...Gabrielle?"

Gabriela's head snaps up, and the old man laughs again, slapping his thigh with his free hand. She looks at him with a glare, snapping "How did you know my name?" He sighs again wordlessly, a smile on his face, and pulls a flask from beneath his coat, offering it to Gabriela. She takes it hesitantly, and he grins, nodding to her as she unscrews the top and sniffs it. "¿Que es eso?"

The man smiles at Gabriela as she rolls her wrist, staring at the flask in her hand. "Rum, girl. The good kind. Loosen your spirit right up. Take it. A gift from an old man. As for how I know your name, it's not important. What's important is what I know. I know what you got rollin' around in your stomach right now. Use it, girl. This enemy of yours, she play with death like it a toy. You remind her death is no toy. Bring her close again, closer than she been for a long while."

As Gabriela shrugs her shoulders and closes her eyes, knocking back a gulp from the flask, he turns to look directly at her, a malicious grin on his face. "Show her what Eternity really mean."

Gabriela pauses mid-drink, eyes slowly opening as she looks over. When they do, though, all she sees next to her are the man's glasses, sitting and facing her. Gabriela shakes her head, slowly recapping the flask, and slips it into her jacket, standing up carefully and glancing about. Just as she's about to step forward, though, she hears the man's voice in her far ear, as if he's whispering directly into it.

"And have some fun. Is Mardi Gras, child!"

Gabriela's head snaps over to try to see him, but there's nothing next to her. All she can see is the crowd, and all she can hear is an echoing laugh, cutting over the crowd noise and ringing in her ears. Gabriela shivers, shaking her head and taking a deep breath, her fists clenching and unclenching as she walks away from the bench. The observer's view lingers for a moment on the glasses, Gabriela melting into the crowd, as we fade to black.