Post by Notorious B.O.B. on Apr 9, 2017 23:38:46 GMT
”Uh, yeah, I think it’s working again … yeah?”
The feed begins and for the viewer just tuning in, the context of the cold open makes little sense. For those of the chat, those who join in on the live stream rather than just the version uploaded to YouTube, they’ve been watching for the better part of twenty minutes as their host struggled with a lack of audio.
”Okay, cool,” he continued, wiping his brow and settling into his gaming chair in front of the webcam, ”so I guess we’ll just edit all that silent stuff out then” he laughed.
He cracked his neck to the side, wincing a bit as he locked eyes with the webcam. ”So, what’s up folks?” The smile on his face broad, the cup of coffee in his right hand full, Pooler was ready for anything this day brought. ”It looks like another month has gone by, which means that we’re ready for our Patron stream before Open Fight Night. I gotta say, too,” reaching up, he scratches at his ear lobe, ”this is a pretty stacked card. If I didn’t know any better, I’d have even say it was better than a few of the Pay-Per-View ones over the last few months.
So,” he continues, his eyes moving to his second monitor, ”let me just bring up the card real quick and we can take … aaaaaaaaaaah … look.” He stalls a bit, before managing to bring the card up, superimposing it onto the main screen.
”I mean we’re kicking off the show with two relative newcomers to the company. They may not be in the running for the Diamond in the Rough tournament, but from what I’ve heard,” he grins, ”the future looks bright for the both of ‘em. That Astrid,” he continues, his head nodding, ”I caught one of her matches a little while back and the kid can go. Now,” he says with a laugh, ”I may be a little biased, but I always say that the guys and gals who come up through the IWF developmental system just seem to do better when they get to the big show.
I’m telling you, guys, keep your eyes on Astrid Hall!
Who else do we have,” he continues, scanning the document once more. ”Oh,” as he says this, his right eyebrow seems to involuntarily twitch upward, ”Jayson Matthews is being sacrificed to Noah Field’s body guard.
I don’t know who’s dumber here, the guy who cost his boss the Imperial title,” he smirks, ”or the one who accepts a match against him willingly.
I mean, nobody around here is going to back down from a fight,” he says, his hands raised defensively, ”but I feel like Jayson’s been training with The God Damn Nighthawk for all of a hot minute and now he thinks he’s going to topple Goliath – you must love that hospital food, eh?” he jokingly asks.
”But that’s not the only sacrificial lamb of the evening; the other just has to wait until the main event to serve her purpose.
Crystal Miller versus Eternity. I mean,” he says, unable to suppress the laugh that follows, ”at least Eternity was nice enough to make it look like a match by sticking her Shieldmaiden title on the line, but who are we fooling here, kids?” he asks rhetorically. ”Crystal is being fed to Eternity, maybe in the hopes that she doesn’t eat any of the other diamonds.
Speaking of which,” he winks, ”the lovely ladies that’ve been competing each week in that Diamond in the Rough tournament will finally crown their winner this week; the winner getting a spot in an Iron Maiden match for a shot at Eternity’s Shieldmaiden championship– which sounds like a pretty convoluted series of events. Unlike everyone else online,” he eyes the chat window, ”I’m going with Charity Crowne here. She’s been the dominant force in both of her matches, one of which included that Rowan chick.
Speaking of chicks,” he laughs, ”that Iron Maiden match has a qualifying match with the real deal, Shea O’Hara going up against Gabby Luna. THIS,” he emphasizes, ”is going to be the match of the night, guys. You’ve got one lady who I honestly thought was going to be the one to put down Eternity, going up against a girl who … well,” he laughs once more, ”we all know the kind of matches that Shea’s had in her day. This thing is going to be a battle and I could see either of these ladies walking out of that Iron Maiden match with the win.
But you know who probably won’t be seeing a win this week? That’d be the team that the fans love to hate, Fiona ‘freaking’ McFly and her partner who’d might be better off if he did a little more than ‘dare to dream’; maybe he can, ‘dare to train’ for starters. Hell,” he scoffs, ”I don’t see this match going on too long. Sure, Laszlo and Alexis are probably going to play with their food a bit – but don’t get any ideas about this one ending any way other than with their hands raised in the air.
Then there’s the match that everyone is actually talking about, and that has me pretty intrigued. Bueno Club against the InFamous World Order; four masked men in the ring and one very angry Steve Awesome hanging around and trying to find proof that Lord Dominicus is Rob Diamond.
I don’t know, guys,” he says with a shrug, ”I just don’t see the resemblance. Me thinks Steve has gotten a little paranoid and is grasping at straws, here.
This match could really go either way; yeah, I know that the IWO have a long and stories history of competing on basic cable stations and ESPN 8: the Ocho – but have you seen the cohesive unit that Zassu and Malo have become?”
He shrugs again, ”I don’t know, it’s hard for me to pin down a winner here so I’m just going to say that Steve gets himself involved somehow and the whole match gets thrown out.
Which leaves us,” he smiles, though this time there’s a bit of malice in that grin, ”with the match that I’ve been waiting for … well, kinda … I guess.
Todd Williams versus Bob Pooler …
Mister, ‘I mean business’, against Imperial’s Warren Buffett …
The Invictus champ versus the ‘I wish I was’ champ …
Folks,” he chuckles, ”when Todd issued that open challenge I bet he didn’t expect this. Hell,” he says with a shrug, ”I’d half expect that Todd himself didn’t even know what he wanted.
That’s the thing with Todd, he never knows what he wants.
One minute the guy is all gung-ho and trying to worm his way back into our hearts with valiant efforts against the likes of Noah Field and Andrew Jacobsen, but the next …” he makes a small popping noise, ”he’s gone.
Sure, he’ll show up again a few weeks, sometimes a month later, always with the same promises and the same line about how this time he’s back and this time he really means business.
Unfortunately, Todd, we all know how you really do business.
We’re all just surprised that you have filed chapter eleven yet – ‘cause nobody is buying your bullshit anymore.
So show up this week, don’t show up, whatever. Just do us all a favor and remember that the next time you’re ready to ‘do business’
You’ve got something worth selling …”
Well howdy there pardner.