Post by Eddie D. on Apr 10, 2017 0:02:57 GMT
I’m a Real American blasts from your speakers so goddamn loud you struggle to find the volume but your eyes are suddenly locked on the screen as “Hollywood” Lord Dominicus comes marching down an enchanted spiral stair case playing the most epic air guitar you have ever seen.
LD: WHEN IT COMES CRASHING DOWN AND IT HURTS INSIDE!!!
He hits the air guitar again hardcore.
LD: You gotta take a stand it don’t help to hide!!!
He’s really feeling it now as he reaches the main floor of his lavish mansion on the beach of Miami, Florida.
Linda Dominicus: GODDAMNIT BARRY WOULD YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!
The music suddenly grinds to a halt like a record scratched as “Hollywood” Lord Dominicus looks to his right where his very plastic infused blond haired wife stand with her hands on her hips and her boobs about to erupt like Mount Vitruvius from over the top of her diamond studded dress.
Linda Dominicus: I was in the middle of my… Massage with Hector and you ruined it!
Hector comes walking up behind her and throws his arm over his shoulder, for the sake of the reader he looks a lot like Alberto Del Patron but with a six pack instead of a keg.
LD: Linda, brother, I didn’t mean to interrupt, dude.
Hector: It’s ok senior Dominicus, we will continue our… Massage in the pool house.
Linda Dominicus: That way you can go back to reliving the eighties back when people actually gave a damn about Hulk Dominicus!
LD: It’s “Hollywood” Lord Dominicus now, actually, dude.
Linda Dominicus: I don’t care what it is you overly tanned ape! Just leave us alone for the rest of our… Massage.
With that Linda Dominicus and Hector walk the four acres through the mansion which also happensto be a full on replica of the Sultan’s Castle from Aladdin and out to the poll house with used to belong to Mike Tyson but was purchased by “Hollywood” Lord Dominicus and shipped to Florida for his wife’s daily massage.
LD: Well not that that’s over, brother…
He paused for a moment and then the music kicks back in.
LD: IF YOU HURT MY FRIENDS CAN YOU HURT MY PRIDE!!!
Brooke Domincisu: DADDY!!!!
The music screeches to halt again as “Hollywood” Lord Dominicus looks over to his left now where a woman who looks exactly like his wife but ever so slightly less plastic now stands cupping both of her exposed boods.
Brooke Dominicus: I got my first implants! LOOK!
She reveals her new boobs to her father who looks with entirely too much interest and a little bit of drool before she comes walking over to him.
Brooke Dominicus: They feel so real! Touch them!!!
He hesitates, trying to fight this with every bone in his body, he closes his eyes and thinks about how wrong it is but when he opens them again he is face deep in her boobs motor boating like there is no tomorrow.
LD: THIS IS THE BEST MILLION BUCKS I EVER SPENT BROTHER!!!!
Brooke Dominicus: I LOVE YOU DADDY!!!!
He stops mid motor boat and pulls away and then points the dreaded index finger at Brooke which seems to shock her.
LD: I don’t have time to enjoy your new boobs, brother sweetie! I’ve gotta train for my return to the ring, dude!!!
“Hollywood” Lord Dominicus then pulls a vile labeled “Vitamins” from his pocket and literally downs the whole thing, chewing each little pill, his mouth now foaming as he pumps up, his still topless daughter boarderline touching herself.
Brooke Dominicus: You tell them daddy!!!
“Hollywood” Lord Dominicus turns with an accusing index finder toward the camera, his sick blond handle bar mustache almost flowing in the win from out of nowhere.
LD: THIS WEEK ON SACRIFICE!!! The Infamous World Order steps into the ring with those boarder crossing, Hilary supporting DUDES known as the Bueno Club!!! These two brothers don’t say their prayers! They don’t take their vitamins! They sit around with a bottle of tequila lifting burritos like they’re weights! Well look here brother!!!
Suddenly Senior Xtremo leaps into the scene and starts posing until he sees the still topless daughter of “Hollywood” Lord Dominicus.
LD: Senior Xtremo and I! We are the two biggest prayer saying, vitamin taking, spin class shaking cats this side of the Mason Dixon line and we are about to deport your two keisters right back to Mexico City, DUDES!!!!
Senior Xtremo is completely drawn in by the large fake boobs of Brooke Dominicus now.
LD: So when we step into the ring, BROTHERS! You better be ready for the greatest backside beating this business has ever seen because the INFAMOUS WORLD ORDER IS RUNNIN’ WILD!!! We are taking names and kick fannies!!! We are electrifying crowds world wide!!! We are borrowing the platinum plated shovel of the great Roberto Verona himself and burying every single talent from the last two decades, DUDE!!!
Senior Xtremo is now neck deep in boobies as “Hollywood” Lord Dominicus just continues to cut this promo.
LD: If this were nineteen ninety six I’m sure I’d be forced to pretend to tolerate you DUDES!!! But this is Trump’s American and with the power of our Russian Brothers that’s how it’s gonna stay! And until I see some green cards or citizenship papers, BROTHER you better believe I will not stop until you’re on a one way plane ride back over the boarder!!! This dude and that dude!
He points at Senoir Xtremo who is just loving the boobie heaven he’s in.
LD: We are a two man power trip of American Exceptionalism! The Super Powers of a Great America! BROTHER!!!! And when you two step into our ring without a proper white washing, DUDE you are going to find yourselves victim to a big boot, an elbow drop and a Atomic Leg Drop!!!! DUDE!!!!
Senoir Xtremo picks Brooke Dominicus up who wraps her legs around his waist and the two make their way out of the shot.
LD: Look at this body, DUDE!!!
“Hollywood” Lord Dominicus flexs as baby oil is sprayed from the ceiling over his rippling muscles.
LD: I am going to wrap these eighteen inch pythons around you throats and there will be no escape BROTHER! When you feel the wrath of Dominmania runnin’ wild all over you you will not know what to do! You will not knoe where to go Brother! You will be lost, blinded, just like when you crossed the Rio Grande at night! DUDE!!! But that was before the boarder wall known as “Hollywood” Lord Dominicus and Senoir Xtremo stood in your way!!! So watchya gonna do, Brother!?
He starts to pump up again as the camera zooms in.
LD: WHATCHYA GONNA DO WHEN DOMINMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU!!!
Some where in the distance we hear simultaneous female moans.
LD: Nothing. That’s what you’re gonna do. Yeah…
He seems completely oblivious to what is obviously going on in the Dominicus Compound.
LD: And if you’re not down with that BROTHER! Then I only got TWO WORDS for ya!!!!
Senoir Xtremeo leaps back into the shot with one hand over his genitals and the other hand over his head as “Hollywood” Lord Dominicus raises his hands for the crotch chop.
LD and Senir Xtremo: SUCK IT!!!!!
The two crotch chop as Brooke comes topless back into the shop.
Brooke Dominicus: DADDYYYYY!!!!
LD: Yes Brooke my dear?
Brooke Dominicus: Senoir Xtremo finished before me…
Brooke Dominicus sort of looks sheepishly at her father as Senoir Xtremo sort of looks down at his feet.
LD: I got you babe.
But “Hollywod” Lord Dominicus is quick to leap to the rescue as he grabs the hand of his topless daughter and leads her out of the shot. The still naked, ball cupping Senoir Xtremo suddenly reveals a camera from God knows where and follows the two of them as we fade to black.
LD: WHEN IT COMES CRASHING DOWN AND IT HURTS INSIDE!!!
He hits the air guitar again hardcore.
LD: You gotta take a stand it don’t help to hide!!!
He’s really feeling it now as he reaches the main floor of his lavish mansion on the beach of Miami, Florida.
Linda Dominicus: GODDAMNIT BARRY WOULD YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!
The music suddenly grinds to a halt like a record scratched as “Hollywood” Lord Dominicus looks to his right where his very plastic infused blond haired wife stand with her hands on her hips and her boobs about to erupt like Mount Vitruvius from over the top of her diamond studded dress.
Linda Dominicus: I was in the middle of my… Massage with Hector and you ruined it!
Hector comes walking up behind her and throws his arm over his shoulder, for the sake of the reader he looks a lot like Alberto Del Patron but with a six pack instead of a keg.
LD: Linda, brother, I didn’t mean to interrupt, dude.
Hector: It’s ok senior Dominicus, we will continue our… Massage in the pool house.
Linda Dominicus: That way you can go back to reliving the eighties back when people actually gave a damn about Hulk Dominicus!
LD: It’s “Hollywood” Lord Dominicus now, actually, dude.
Linda Dominicus: I don’t care what it is you overly tanned ape! Just leave us alone for the rest of our… Massage.
With that Linda Dominicus and Hector walk the four acres through the mansion which also happensto be a full on replica of the Sultan’s Castle from Aladdin and out to the poll house with used to belong to Mike Tyson but was purchased by “Hollywood” Lord Dominicus and shipped to Florida for his wife’s daily massage.
LD: Well not that that’s over, brother…
He paused for a moment and then the music kicks back in.
LD: IF YOU HURT MY FRIENDS CAN YOU HURT MY PRIDE!!!
Brooke Domincisu: DADDY!!!!
The music screeches to halt again as “Hollywood” Lord Dominicus looks over to his left now where a woman who looks exactly like his wife but ever so slightly less plastic now stands cupping both of her exposed boods.
Brooke Dominicus: I got my first implants! LOOK!
She reveals her new boobs to her father who looks with entirely too much interest and a little bit of drool before she comes walking over to him.
Brooke Dominicus: They feel so real! Touch them!!!
He hesitates, trying to fight this with every bone in his body, he closes his eyes and thinks about how wrong it is but when he opens them again he is face deep in her boobs motor boating like there is no tomorrow.
LD: THIS IS THE BEST MILLION BUCKS I EVER SPENT BROTHER!!!!
Brooke Dominicus: I LOVE YOU DADDY!!!!
He stops mid motor boat and pulls away and then points the dreaded index finger at Brooke which seems to shock her.
LD: I don’t have time to enjoy your new boobs, brother sweetie! I’ve gotta train for my return to the ring, dude!!!
“Hollywood” Lord Dominicus then pulls a vile labeled “Vitamins” from his pocket and literally downs the whole thing, chewing each little pill, his mouth now foaming as he pumps up, his still topless daughter boarderline touching herself.
Brooke Dominicus: You tell them daddy!!!
“Hollywood” Lord Dominicus turns with an accusing index finder toward the camera, his sick blond handle bar mustache almost flowing in the win from out of nowhere.
LD: THIS WEEK ON SACRIFICE!!! The Infamous World Order steps into the ring with those boarder crossing, Hilary supporting DUDES known as the Bueno Club!!! These two brothers don’t say their prayers! They don’t take their vitamins! They sit around with a bottle of tequila lifting burritos like they’re weights! Well look here brother!!!
Suddenly Senior Xtremo leaps into the scene and starts posing until he sees the still topless daughter of “Hollywood” Lord Dominicus.
LD: Senior Xtremo and I! We are the two biggest prayer saying, vitamin taking, spin class shaking cats this side of the Mason Dixon line and we are about to deport your two keisters right back to Mexico City, DUDES!!!!
Senior Xtremo is completely drawn in by the large fake boobs of Brooke Dominicus now.
LD: So when we step into the ring, BROTHERS! You better be ready for the greatest backside beating this business has ever seen because the INFAMOUS WORLD ORDER IS RUNNIN’ WILD!!! We are taking names and kick fannies!!! We are electrifying crowds world wide!!! We are borrowing the platinum plated shovel of the great Roberto Verona himself and burying every single talent from the last two decades, DUDE!!!
Senior Xtremo is now neck deep in boobies as “Hollywood” Lord Dominicus just continues to cut this promo.
LD: If this were nineteen ninety six I’m sure I’d be forced to pretend to tolerate you DUDES!!! But this is Trump’s American and with the power of our Russian Brothers that’s how it’s gonna stay! And until I see some green cards or citizenship papers, BROTHER you better believe I will not stop until you’re on a one way plane ride back over the boarder!!! This dude and that dude!
He points at Senoir Xtremo who is just loving the boobie heaven he’s in.
LD: We are a two man power trip of American Exceptionalism! The Super Powers of a Great America! BROTHER!!!! And when you two step into our ring without a proper white washing, DUDE you are going to find yourselves victim to a big boot, an elbow drop and a Atomic Leg Drop!!!! DUDE!!!!
Senoir Xtremo picks Brooke Dominicus up who wraps her legs around his waist and the two make their way out of the shot.
LD: Look at this body, DUDE!!!
“Hollywood” Lord Dominicus flexs as baby oil is sprayed from the ceiling over his rippling muscles.
LD: I am going to wrap these eighteen inch pythons around you throats and there will be no escape BROTHER! When you feel the wrath of Dominmania runnin’ wild all over you you will not know what to do! You will not knoe where to go Brother! You will be lost, blinded, just like when you crossed the Rio Grande at night! DUDE!!! But that was before the boarder wall known as “Hollywood” Lord Dominicus and Senoir Xtremo stood in your way!!! So watchya gonna do, Brother!?
He starts to pump up again as the camera zooms in.
LD: WHATCHYA GONNA DO WHEN DOMINMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU!!!
Some where in the distance we hear simultaneous female moans.
LD: Nothing. That’s what you’re gonna do. Yeah…
He seems completely oblivious to what is obviously going on in the Dominicus Compound.
LD: And if you’re not down with that BROTHER! Then I only got TWO WORDS for ya!!!!
Senoir Xtremeo leaps back into the shot with one hand over his genitals and the other hand over his head as “Hollywood” Lord Dominicus raises his hands for the crotch chop.
LD and Senir Xtremo: SUCK IT!!!!!
The two crotch chop as Brooke comes topless back into the shop.
Brooke Dominicus: DADDYYYYY!!!!
LD: Yes Brooke my dear?
Brooke Dominicus: Senoir Xtremo finished before me…
Brooke Dominicus sort of looks sheepishly at her father as Senoir Xtremo sort of looks down at his feet.
LD: I got you babe.
But “Hollywod” Lord Dominicus is quick to leap to the rescue as he grabs the hand of his topless daughter and leads her out of the shot. The still naked, ball cupping Senoir Xtremo suddenly reveals a camera from God knows where and follows the two of them as we fade to black.
Well howdy there pardner.