Post by Eddie D. on Apr 22, 2017 1:10:22 GMT
With absolutely no warning what so ever, I’m a Real American roars through out your house. In a violent panic you shove your mediocre mate out of you way as you leap to your feet to find the source of the music. The dogs whine as you race down the steps, the cats demand to be fed but it all comes to a sudden stop when you see the emasculate masked face of the All American Icon, Hollywod Lord Dominicus playing air guitar on your 43 inch plasma television, an American flag waving behind him and Donald Trump hitting the air drums to his left.
LD: WHEN IT COMES CRASHING DOWN AND-
Linda: GODDAMIT!!!!
The music screeches to a half like the needle just dropped. Trump throws his air drum sticks into the air crowd and marches off as LD turns to his right, the American Flag fading into the back drop of his lavish home in Hollywood, Miami.
Linda: Will you turn that damn music… Off? Thank you.
The plastic but extremely bangable wife of Hollywood Lord Dominicus comes walking into the room where the Lord was rocking out. With bare spray tanned chest exposed, hands on his hips, he stands defiant before his obviously angry wife.
LD: Linda, dude! I need to prepare for my match against Steve Awesome, brother!
Linda: Match!?
Linda hauls off and slaps the mask damn near off his face. At some point Hector comes walking into the room wearing nothing but a very tiny towel, his rippled Mexican chest and glorious six pack abs making the male viewers very uncomfortable as they question their sexuality.
Linda: You can’t have a match! Your damn near ancient!
LD: Listen here, brother! This Steve Awesome dude questioned my truthfulness in the middle of the ring in front of the trillions of Dominmaniacs!
Linda: I don’t care if he stabbed you with a sharpened dildo! You can’t get back into the ring!
Hector: Si, senior. You are not the youthful buck you used to be.
Hollywood Lord Dominicus turns an up turned brow on Hector before looking back at Linda.
Linda: See! Even Hector realizes you’re too old and brittle to be stepping into the ring with that hunk of a man, Steve Awesome…
Linda appears to touch herself briefly as Dominicus prepares his retort.
LD: I am a sports entertainer, brother! The fans demand Hollywood Lord Dominicus in their lives, dude! I can’t let the little Dominmaniacs suffer while these Steve Awesome guy defiles my name, brother!
Linda: HE’S GOING TO KILL YOU!
Linda hauls off and hits him again.
Linda: Don’t you understand that!
And again.
Linda: If you die who will support me!? Hector!? I’m his only client!
Hector: Si, and quite the client you are.
Hector gives a knowing smile and a wink to Linda who blushes before turning back to Hollywood Lord Dominicus.
Hector: Couldn’t you appease these young maniacs with special appearances and the like?
Hollywood Lord Dominicus looks hard at Linda and Hector who are suddenly arm in arm and somewhere along the way Hector lost his towel and Linda is covering his man hood… Vigorously.
LD: I don’t expect you to know what this means to me, brother! I’m the real American Icon! Dude! The Hollywood in Dominicus! I’m the dude children all over the world look to for inspiration! BROTHER!!! Instead of those precious little black kids becoming gangbangers, dude, they see the Dominmaniac runnin’ wild and follow in my foot steps! Instead of those Islam worshipping cats strapping on a bomb they see me hit the Atomic Leg Drop and start prayin’ to Jesus! I high five all eight arms of BishNu at the same time and turn them call center Indians into All American Heroes! They need the Dominmaniac!!!!
Hollywood Lord Dominicus suddenly rips the bright yellow pre cut tee off his torso, a shirt he literally wasn’t wearing ten seconds ago, and begins to flex. But it turns out that Linda and Hector are already gone, retreating to the private grotto that LD isn’t invited to.
LD: Hello?
The big LD looks around himself, he’s completely alone for the moment, he shrugs.
LD: Well that’s all well and good! I don’t need their support, DUDE! I don’t need their love, BROTHER! I can do this on my own!!!!
Hollywood Lord Dominicus lets out a roar and thunder claps in the background.
LD: STEVE AWESOME!!!
Thunder claps again in tune with the rising beat of Real American.
LD: YOU PUSHED ME TOO FAR!!!!
Hollywood Lord Dominicus flexs and his muscles damn near shatter your screen.
LD: When you questioned my truthfulness, my honesty, you pushed me too far, DUDE!!! I don’t know what crawled up your behind, brother but what I do know is you’re barking up the wrong tree! Whatever your issue is with this Rob Diamond cat isn’t my problem, DUDE! And you need to start getting that through your beautiful skull, BROTHER!
Hollywood points hard at the camera.
LD: I’ve been prayin’ hard and takin’ my vitamins for three decades brother! I’ve been selling out arenas all over the Midwest since before you were old enough to tie a knot! I’ve been at this, dude, since the late, great, George W. Bush was leading out country to freedom, DUDE! I’ve seen my fair share of challenges! I’ve battled Commy scum! Jap scoundrels! Sand black people infidels! I have defended this country and it’s honor against every conceivable none white villain you can imagine and won! Because I am the real deal, DUDE!
Hollywood flexs both his biceps.
LD: I’m the All American Icon, Brother! Hollywood Lord Dominicus! I’m runnin’ wild and crushing stereotypical bad guys wherever I go, DUDE!!!
He points again, only having access to three poses is hard.
LD: You’re gonna learn the same hard lesson the Iron Llama learned back in the Superdome in 2001! You’re gonna learn the same hard lesson Emperor Wang learned in the Toykodome in 2002! You’re gonna learn the same hard lesson Vladamir Rusev learned in Moscow in 2003!!! Hollywood Lord Dominicus is a gosh darn SUPERHERO! And scoundrels like you, BROTHER! Cannot compete against heroes like me! While you focus on brands and dollar signs, dude, I focus on sending my fans home happy knowing the good guy won, brother!
Hollywood adjusts his bleach blond handle bar mustache now.
LD: I’m the good guy! I’m wearin’ the white hat, dude! You’re the guy who ran his former best friend out of IWF! You’re the guy who cost him not one but two championships! You’re the guy who only cares about himself, brother! You don’t do a darn thing for the people in the crowd, you never cared less about what they think, brother, you even celebrated being voted heel of the year once! In all my years battling all kinds of foreign scum, I have never encountered someone more evil than you, Steve Awesome! You, brother, are the scum of the Earth, Dude! You give mankind a bad name, shooting friends and allies in the dark every single chance you get! Well the buck stops here, dude!!! Because I’m gonna run buck wild all over your backside and boot you right in your big beautiful face, Brother! Then drop the Atomic Leg Drop and bury you like those squint eyes in World War 2!!!
Hollywood hits the Hercules pose and the entire Earth shakes beneath his feet!!!
LD: SO WHATCHYA GONNA DO!!! BROTHER!!! WHATCHYA GONNA DO WHEN DOMINMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU!!!!!
Hollywood starts pumping up when-
Brooke: DADDY!!!!!
His “daughter” comes running into the room, both expensive fake breasts exposed but much larger than last week.
Brooke: That mean awful doctor put my nipple on wrong!!!!
She stands full exposed, her big beautiful breasts just sitting there for the world to see but that one nipple, the right one is like a lazy eye looking listfully off into space.
LD: Brooke… Baby…
Dominicus is trying not to stare as his “daughter” grabs him in a hug, pressing her breasts against him.
Brooke: Daddy, make it better!
LD: I… Uh…
Suddenly Senoir Xtremo walks into the scene eating a Slim Jim.
Senoir Xtremo: I got this… OH YEAH!!!!!
He whisks Brooke away as Hollywood Lord Domincius stands there for a moment. But then he whips out an old school early 90’s vhs tape recorder and follows them out of shot…
OH YEAH!!!!!
LD: WHEN IT COMES CRASHING DOWN AND-
Linda: GODDAMIT!!!!
The music screeches to a half like the needle just dropped. Trump throws his air drum sticks into the air crowd and marches off as LD turns to his right, the American Flag fading into the back drop of his lavish home in Hollywood, Miami.
Linda: Will you turn that damn music… Off? Thank you.
The plastic but extremely bangable wife of Hollywood Lord Dominicus comes walking into the room where the Lord was rocking out. With bare spray tanned chest exposed, hands on his hips, he stands defiant before his obviously angry wife.
LD: Linda, dude! I need to prepare for my match against Steve Awesome, brother!
Linda: Match!?
Linda hauls off and slaps the mask damn near off his face. At some point Hector comes walking into the room wearing nothing but a very tiny towel, his rippled Mexican chest and glorious six pack abs making the male viewers very uncomfortable as they question their sexuality.
Linda: You can’t have a match! Your damn near ancient!
LD: Listen here, brother! This Steve Awesome dude questioned my truthfulness in the middle of the ring in front of the trillions of Dominmaniacs!
Linda: I don’t care if he stabbed you with a sharpened dildo! You can’t get back into the ring!
Hector: Si, senior. You are not the youthful buck you used to be.
Hollywood Lord Dominicus turns an up turned brow on Hector before looking back at Linda.
Linda: See! Even Hector realizes you’re too old and brittle to be stepping into the ring with that hunk of a man, Steve Awesome…
Linda appears to touch herself briefly as Dominicus prepares his retort.
LD: I am a sports entertainer, brother! The fans demand Hollywood Lord Dominicus in their lives, dude! I can’t let the little Dominmaniacs suffer while these Steve Awesome guy defiles my name, brother!
Linda: HE’S GOING TO KILL YOU!
Linda hauls off and hits him again.
Linda: Don’t you understand that!
And again.
Linda: If you die who will support me!? Hector!? I’m his only client!
Hector: Si, and quite the client you are.
Hector gives a knowing smile and a wink to Linda who blushes before turning back to Hollywood Lord Dominicus.
Hector: Couldn’t you appease these young maniacs with special appearances and the like?
Hollywood Lord Dominicus looks hard at Linda and Hector who are suddenly arm in arm and somewhere along the way Hector lost his towel and Linda is covering his man hood… Vigorously.
LD: I don’t expect you to know what this means to me, brother! I’m the real American Icon! Dude! The Hollywood in Dominicus! I’m the dude children all over the world look to for inspiration! BROTHER!!! Instead of those precious little black kids becoming gangbangers, dude, they see the Dominmaniac runnin’ wild and follow in my foot steps! Instead of those Islam worshipping cats strapping on a bomb they see me hit the Atomic Leg Drop and start prayin’ to Jesus! I high five all eight arms of BishNu at the same time and turn them call center Indians into All American Heroes! They need the Dominmaniac!!!!
Hollywood Lord Dominicus suddenly rips the bright yellow pre cut tee off his torso, a shirt he literally wasn’t wearing ten seconds ago, and begins to flex. But it turns out that Linda and Hector are already gone, retreating to the private grotto that LD isn’t invited to.
LD: Hello?
The big LD looks around himself, he’s completely alone for the moment, he shrugs.
LD: Well that’s all well and good! I don’t need their support, DUDE! I don’t need their love, BROTHER! I can do this on my own!!!!
Hollywood Lord Dominicus lets out a roar and thunder claps in the background.
LD: STEVE AWESOME!!!
Thunder claps again in tune with the rising beat of Real American.
LD: YOU PUSHED ME TOO FAR!!!!
Hollywood Lord Dominicus flexs and his muscles damn near shatter your screen.
LD: When you questioned my truthfulness, my honesty, you pushed me too far, DUDE!!! I don’t know what crawled up your behind, brother but what I do know is you’re barking up the wrong tree! Whatever your issue is with this Rob Diamond cat isn’t my problem, DUDE! And you need to start getting that through your beautiful skull, BROTHER!
Hollywood points hard at the camera.
LD: I’ve been prayin’ hard and takin’ my vitamins for three decades brother! I’ve been selling out arenas all over the Midwest since before you were old enough to tie a knot! I’ve been at this, dude, since the late, great, George W. Bush was leading out country to freedom, DUDE! I’ve seen my fair share of challenges! I’ve battled Commy scum! Jap scoundrels! Sand black people infidels! I have defended this country and it’s honor against every conceivable none white villain you can imagine and won! Because I am the real deal, DUDE!
Hollywood flexs both his biceps.
LD: I’m the All American Icon, Brother! Hollywood Lord Dominicus! I’m runnin’ wild and crushing stereotypical bad guys wherever I go, DUDE!!!
He points again, only having access to three poses is hard.
LD: You’re gonna learn the same hard lesson the Iron Llama learned back in the Superdome in 2001! You’re gonna learn the same hard lesson Emperor Wang learned in the Toykodome in 2002! You’re gonna learn the same hard lesson Vladamir Rusev learned in Moscow in 2003!!! Hollywood Lord Dominicus is a gosh darn SUPERHERO! And scoundrels like you, BROTHER! Cannot compete against heroes like me! While you focus on brands and dollar signs, dude, I focus on sending my fans home happy knowing the good guy won, brother!
Hollywood adjusts his bleach blond handle bar mustache now.
LD: I’m the good guy! I’m wearin’ the white hat, dude! You’re the guy who ran his former best friend out of IWF! You’re the guy who cost him not one but two championships! You’re the guy who only cares about himself, brother! You don’t do a darn thing for the people in the crowd, you never cared less about what they think, brother, you even celebrated being voted heel of the year once! In all my years battling all kinds of foreign scum, I have never encountered someone more evil than you, Steve Awesome! You, brother, are the scum of the Earth, Dude! You give mankind a bad name, shooting friends and allies in the dark every single chance you get! Well the buck stops here, dude!!! Because I’m gonna run buck wild all over your backside and boot you right in your big beautiful face, Brother! Then drop the Atomic Leg Drop and bury you like those squint eyes in World War 2!!!
Hollywood hits the Hercules pose and the entire Earth shakes beneath his feet!!!
LD: SO WHATCHYA GONNA DO!!! BROTHER!!! WHATCHYA GONNA DO WHEN DOMINMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU!!!!!
Hollywood starts pumping up when-
Brooke: DADDY!!!!!
His “daughter” comes running into the room, both expensive fake breasts exposed but much larger than last week.
Brooke: That mean awful doctor put my nipple on wrong!!!!
She stands full exposed, her big beautiful breasts just sitting there for the world to see but that one nipple, the right one is like a lazy eye looking listfully off into space.
LD: Brooke… Baby…
Dominicus is trying not to stare as his “daughter” grabs him in a hug, pressing her breasts against him.
Brooke: Daddy, make it better!
LD: I… Uh…
Suddenly Senoir Xtremo walks into the scene eating a Slim Jim.
Senoir Xtremo: I got this… OH YEAH!!!!!
He whisks Brooke away as Hollywood Lord Domincius stands there for a moment. But then he whips out an old school early 90’s vhs tape recorder and follows them out of shot…
OH YEAH!!!!!
Well howdy there pardner.