Post by Eternity on Apr 23, 2017 19:59:50 GMT
As another day in the cycle of your life nears its end, you find yourself alone with me once more.
Together we sit under the dim scarlet veil of light keeping the darkness from consuming over us entirely, and we watch over him. Our child. Our Kidd.
My Warren.
He looked so peaceful in his slumber, even as you watch my black hooded form bind his legs to the bed, with all the practiced patience of somebody who had lived a lifetime on both sides of this scenario. You then watch me fly around to his side and do the same for the straps across his chest, paying particular attention to making sure his arms were at his side, restrained tight by the leather. My tongue juts out the side of my mouth, displayed in utter concentration as I do up the final fastening.
You watch me then pull a chair right up to his bedside, and as I perch down beside him, I learn forward and start to whisper our song to him softly, hoping to brighten his memories one last time.
Young love waits out the window and I said go home
'Cause he don’t know it’s not his problem
And he don’t know I’m not at home
Clock strikes three in the morning and I lie sleepless
'Cause he don’t know I broke my promise
And he don’t know I’ve done this...
You watch me reach out with my black gloved hand and caress his cheek softly.
In the early light I found you with the bottle by your side.
I can see by your eyes you know that I,
I’m kissing you goodbye
I’m kissing you goodbye
What now? That is the question
But it’s not up to you
So I think I will leave you guessing
After all you put me through...
You see me then smile briefly, genuinely.
In the early light I found you with the bottle by your side.
I can see by your eyes you know that I...
I’m kissing you goodbye...
I’m kissing you goodbye...
I’m kissing you goodbye...
I’m kissing you goodbye....
Together we sit under the dim scarlet veil of light keeping the darkness from consuming over us entirely, and we watch over him. Our child. Our Kidd.
My Warren.
He looked so peaceful in his slumber, even as you watch my black hooded form bind his legs to the bed, with all the practiced patience of somebody who had lived a lifetime on both sides of this scenario. You then watch me fly around to his side and do the same for the straps across his chest, paying particular attention to making sure his arms were at his side, restrained tight by the leather. My tongue juts out the side of my mouth, displayed in utter concentration as I do up the final fastening.
You watch me then pull a chair right up to his bedside, and as I perch down beside him, I learn forward and start to whisper our song to him softly, hoping to brighten his memories one last time.
Young love waits out the window and I said go home
'Cause he don’t know it’s not his problem
And he don’t know I’m not at home
Clock strikes three in the morning and I lie sleepless
'Cause he don’t know I broke my promise
And he don’t know I’ve done this...
You watch me reach out with my black gloved hand and caress his cheek softly.
In the early light I found you with the bottle by your side.
I can see by your eyes you know that I,
I’m kissing you goodbye
I’m kissing you goodbye
What now? That is the question
But it’s not up to you
So I think I will leave you guessing
After all you put me through...
You see me then smile briefly, genuinely.
In the early light I found you with the bottle by your side.
I can see by your eyes you know that I...
I’m kissing you goodbye...
I’m kissing you goodbye...
I’m kissing you goodbye...
I’m kissing you goodbye....
~~~~~
A lone crow lands on the right shoulder of the young girl with the pink streaks in her hair who is sat on an oak bench. The wild black bird, whom she affectionately had come to know as Morrigu, visited her frequently here on the grounds of St. Michael's Psychiatric Hospital.
She came here often, to think upon the larger questions.
What is the point of life?
Why did they have to die?
How much longer would she be here?
Should she consent to ECT?
That was the question of the day.
Something about the way Dr Worthy had first brought it up in their last one on one session suggested that he thought they were out of options. As she understood it, this was her last and best chance to silence the whispers in her head. The constant hissing voice that told her she could go home again.
Insisted that she SHOULD go home again.
Why was she still here?
What was she waiting for; the pain to go away?
Impossible, it was never going away.
That's not how life worked, that's never how life worked.
Mommy and Daddy were never coming back, and the void they left was never going away.
She understood that.
The doctors were just trying to keep her from falling into it.
Why?
She never understood that.
She wasn't special. She never had been. She wasn't the first little girl to lose her parents, and she wouldn't be the last. Nor was she the first or last little girl to be held hostage by that one insistent little voice in her head telling her that she'd be better off dead.
This place was full of people like that. People nobody ever missed. People nobody ever came back for.
People just like her.
And STILL she was so alone.
If that wasn't absolute proof of her utter insignificance in this world, little else would be...
Perched on her shoulder, Morrigu cawed suddenly, momentarily snapping her back from the edge of a whole new abyss. She felt the weight of the little black bird on her shoulder and the weight of the consent form in her lap again.
"It's either this, or stronger pills, and we both know they've never worked. Nothing else has worked. This may not work either, but I've got to take the chance, haven't I? It's what I should do, isn't it? What should I do? What would you do Morrigu? Why am I asking you? You're already free, and always have been. You have my envy, you know that, don't you?" she said, "What I wouldn't give just to fly away from here with you, if I could."
Morrigu broke eye contact and her eyes darted down to the consent form, looking it over whilst nodding her head slightly.
A sign?
The girl took a deep breath.
"Mom, Dad, if you're up there. If you've ever been up there, watching over me, guide me now...please, I need help. I can't do this without you..."
Morrigu then locked eyes with the lost little girl, and cawed before spreading her wings and taking to the sky, the weight lifted from her shoulder. The girl watched in awe as the bird ascended steadily and gracefully ever onward to the heavens.
"Thank you," she said, detaching the pen from the side of the clipboard in her lap. She drew the ink slowly and deliberately across the dotted line, almost as if she wanted there to be no doubt that it was her name on the form.
Little did she know then that this would be the last time she would be able to use it...
~~~~~
A lone crow lands on the right shoulder of the young girl with the pink streaks in her hair who is sat on an oak bench. The wild black bird, whom she affectionately had come to know as Morrigu, visited her frequently here on the grounds of St. Michael's Psychiatric Hospital.
She came here often, to think upon the larger questions.
What is the point of life?
Why did they have to die?
How much longer would she be here?
Should she consent to ECT?
That was the question of the day.
Something about the way Dr Worthy had first brought it up in their last one on one session suggested that he thought they were out of options. As she understood it, this was her last and best chance to silence the whispers in her head. The constant hissing voice that told her she could go home again.
Insisted that she SHOULD go home again.
Why was she still here?
What was she waiting for; the pain to go away?
Impossible, it was never going away.
That's not how life worked, that's never how life worked.
Mommy and Daddy were never coming back, and the void they left was never going away.
She understood that.
The doctors were just trying to keep her from falling into it.
Why?
She never understood that.
She wasn't special. She never had been. She wasn't the first little girl to lose her parents, and she wouldn't be the last. Nor was she the first or last little girl to be held hostage by that one insistent little voice in her head telling her that she'd be better off dead.
This place was full of people like that. People nobody ever missed. People nobody ever came back for.
People just like her.
And STILL she was so alone.
If that wasn't absolute proof of her utter insignificance in this world, little else would be...
Perched on her shoulder, Morrigu cawed suddenly, momentarily snapping her back from the edge of a whole new abyss. She felt the weight of the little black bird on her shoulder and the weight of the consent form in her lap again.
"It's either this, or stronger pills, and we both know they've never worked. Nothing else has worked. This may not work either, but I've got to take the chance, haven't I? It's what I should do, isn't it? What should I do? What would you do Morrigu? Why am I asking you? You're already free, and always have been. You have my envy, you know that, don't you?" she said, "What I wouldn't give just to fly away from here with you, if I could."
Morrigu broke eye contact and her eyes darted down to the consent form, looking it over whilst nodding her head slightly.
A sign?
The girl took a deep breath.
"Mom, Dad, if you're up there. If you've ever been up there, watching over me, guide me now...please, I need help. I can't do this without you..."
Morrigu then locked eyes with the lost little girl, and cawed before spreading her wings and taking to the sky, the weight lifted from her shoulder. The girl watched in awe as the bird ascended steadily and gracefully ever onward to the heavens.
"Thank you," she said, detaching the pen from the side of the clipboard in her lap. She drew the ink slowly and deliberately across the dotted line, almost as if she wanted there to be no doubt that it was her name on the form.
Little did she know then that this would be the last time she would be able to use it...
~~~~~
You then see me lean forward and kiss Warren Kane on the forehead, my voice dropping to a whisper.
This is the end. Hold your breath and count to ten, feel the earth move and then hear my heart burst again...
Now you see Warren slowly coming around, a sharp inhalation he grimaces and tries to speak.
Warren: Wha...where am I? What's going on? Eternity?
Oh not much, what's going on with you, Kidd?
Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...
You see Warren then awkwardly crane his neck and look at the leather straps binding him to the bed.
Warren: This isn't funny. Let me go. I thought we were passed all this. I thought we had an underst -
An understanding? Now THAT is funny. Nobody ever understands, Kidd? Least of all people like us. I've never understood how people can just move on and forget when somebody dies, especially somebody they claim to love. I could never do that, I could never forget somebody I loved...is that really that crazy? Is it?
Warren slowly shakes his head.
Warren: No, no, it isn't.
I wish you'd have told my doctors that, you know before they decided that the only way left to deal with the crazy little notion of missing my dead Mommy and Daddy a little too much was to fire 360 volts of electricity through my brain for three seconds at a time....
Warren: I'm sorry...
Not as much as I am. I never thought it would come to this. Honestly, I never wanted it to. I was just starting to like you Kidd, but I've been down this road before, it never ends, Warren. It never ends. Not for somebody like me, but you. You deserve better. You deserve to be free in all the ways I have never been. Carry Xander's memory always in your heart and never in your head, Kidd.
Don't make the same mistake I did.
They made their mistakes with me, and I will not make the same mistakes with you.
They were too late with me, but its still early for you Kidd. The memories are still fresh. The grief is not yet anchored to your soul, and that is why there is still hope for you my boy. Hope that you will make it through this, hope that you will see the other side, and hope that you will skirt the abyss that claimed me so long ago.
I can help you, Kidd...
I WILL help you...
I will help you escape the darkness. Just because your mother was a rat and your father the devil, it doesn't mean you deserve the fate of either. I'm sorry Kidd, I really am. I'm sorry Anne was nothing like Kathy, and that has made you resent them both...
You see Warren's eyes go wide as the realisation sets in, the question that had gnawed at him silently for months had finally been answered.
You then see me get up and stand over Warren, grabbing a rubber bite block from the table set up beside Warren's bed. It was then that Warren's panic began to register what was in his immediate future as his eyes dart over to the electroshock machine.
Any protest he had to proceeding was immediately blocked by the rubber that you saw me force into his mouth.
HOLD STILL! I've got one shot to get this right. When this works, you'll be forever in my debt Kidd, because I will have given you the one thing you really need to move on with your life. The means to confront your father on your own terms, maybe even save him from himself in the end...
You see Warren shake his head violently, offering only muffled protests.
DAMN IT KIDD, I CAN'T HELP YOU IF YOU DON'T...HOLD...STILL! Can't you see what a wondrous opportunity this is? I'd give anything to be able to go back and save my family. My Mommy from the fire. My daddy from the blade. I'm giving you the chance I never got.
Just one.
ONE CHANCE TO GET WHAT'S LEFT OF YOUR FAMILY BACK!
Now Warren stops struggling, and locks eyes with me, taking in their sincerest intention.
This is the end. Hold your breath and count to ten, feel the earth move and then hear my heart burst again...
Now you see Warren slowly coming around, a sharp inhalation he grimaces and tries to speak.
Warren: Wha...where am I? What's going on? Eternity?
Oh not much, what's going on with you, Kidd?
Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...
You see Warren then awkwardly crane his neck and look at the leather straps binding him to the bed.
Warren: This isn't funny. Let me go. I thought we were passed all this. I thought we had an underst -
An understanding? Now THAT is funny. Nobody ever understands, Kidd? Least of all people like us. I've never understood how people can just move on and forget when somebody dies, especially somebody they claim to love. I could never do that, I could never forget somebody I loved...is that really that crazy? Is it?
Warren slowly shakes his head.
Warren: No, no, it isn't.
I wish you'd have told my doctors that, you know before they decided that the only way left to deal with the crazy little notion of missing my dead Mommy and Daddy a little too much was to fire 360 volts of electricity through my brain for three seconds at a time....
Warren: I'm sorry...
Not as much as I am. I never thought it would come to this. Honestly, I never wanted it to. I was just starting to like you Kidd, but I've been down this road before, it never ends, Warren. It never ends. Not for somebody like me, but you. You deserve better. You deserve to be free in all the ways I have never been. Carry Xander's memory always in your heart and never in your head, Kidd.
Don't make the same mistake I did.
They made their mistakes with me, and I will not make the same mistakes with you.
They were too late with me, but its still early for you Kidd. The memories are still fresh. The grief is not yet anchored to your soul, and that is why there is still hope for you my boy. Hope that you will make it through this, hope that you will see the other side, and hope that you will skirt the abyss that claimed me so long ago.
I can help you, Kidd...
I WILL help you...
I will help you escape the darkness. Just because your mother was a rat and your father the devil, it doesn't mean you deserve the fate of either. I'm sorry Kidd, I really am. I'm sorry Anne was nothing like Kathy, and that has made you resent them both...
You see Warren's eyes go wide as the realisation sets in, the question that had gnawed at him silently for months had finally been answered.
That's it!
Resentment!
That's what I felt every time I saw the Conways. They were the perfect parents. Loving, attentive, and they knew what was truly important in life. They were everything my parents had never been, and never would be. I knew that now, and so did Spike.
It's why he hated them too.
Great!
The one thing I have in common with my father and it is blind hatred, hatred nobody deserves, least of all Kathy Conway...
I should apologise, I will apologise next time I see her...
Because I am not my father...
You then see me get up and stand over Warren, grabbing a rubber bite block from the table set up beside Warren's bed. It was then that Warren's panic began to register what was in his immediate future as his eyes dart over to the electroshock machine.
Any protest he had to proceeding was immediately blocked by the rubber that you saw me force into his mouth.
HOLD STILL! I've got one shot to get this right. When this works, you'll be forever in my debt Kidd, because I will have given you the one thing you really need to move on with your life. The means to confront your father on your own terms, maybe even save him from himself in the end...
You see Warren shake his head violently, offering only muffled protests.
DAMN IT KIDD, I CAN'T HELP YOU IF YOU DON'T...HOLD...STILL! Can't you see what a wondrous opportunity this is? I'd give anything to be able to go back and save my family. My Mommy from the fire. My daddy from the blade. I'm giving you the chance I never got.
Just one.
ONE CHANCE TO GET WHAT'S LEFT OF YOUR FAMILY BACK!
Now Warren stops struggling, and locks eyes with me, taking in their sincerest intention.
That's better. Don't worry Kidd, it'll be over before you know it...and then you'll be free...
We both will...
You see Warren close his eyes, bracing himself for what now seemed so inevitable as you see me set the voltage to 460 and lower the electrodes, attaching them to his temples.
You have my envy, you know that, don't you?
Warren screams and every muscle in his body convulses, in direct resistance to his forced restraints. You hear me softly count.
One...two...three...four...five....six...seven...eight...
Under a single white spotlight that shines down upon me from the Heavens, you see me standing.
Still.
Alone.
The Shieldmaiden around my waist, my head bowed for a moment before I look directly at you and speak softly.
And then, there was one...
And she stood alone. A single solitary Diamond shimmering against the darkness. A lone star in the lonely night sky, almost at the edge of the immortality that she had yearned for for as long as she could remember. A smile painted across her lips, and they were left to wonder what she was thinking.
They would never know.
They could never understand.
Her heart continues to beat in spite of it all, and now against their every expectation, finally she stood triumphant.
It's a nice story with an even nicer ending, isn't it Fiona?
But whose story is it? Mine or yours?
Time will tell, it always tells the best stories.
For now though, we shall share it, as we share so many things Fiona. We will share the ring again. We will share the spotlight again. A year ago you stood alone, triumphant. The day was yours, but the night...
The night was mine.
It was back then, and it will be again.
It always has been and it always will be. You are their sun, Fiona, and I am their moon. Caught as I am in each of your endless cycles, rarely eclipsed and never by you. Maybe that will change come Sunday, maybe it will be your day once again - but I wouldn't count on it.
No, those things are best left to the official.
For over two years now, so many have counted you out. I suppose it was only a matter of time before the referees got in on that act too. A popular act, but a tired one - that is the ballad of Fiona McFly. A woman of remarkable resilience, able to reinvent herself on a whim.
Sometimes the noble granddaughter of virtue, other times the outspoken champion of the people.
The very same people who have determined your fate. In making their choices, they have narrowed yours.
Stand or fall.
A beautifully simple choice, and one faced by so many warriors who, like you, stood against the Diamond Dragon with the emerald eyes and the steel prize. Baring their teeth, spitting their venom, and lashing their tongues, resolute to the very end.
Their very end.
You were once among those snakes Fiona, and now here you are again, as close to the eternal abyss as you have ever been. The glint of steel and the sparkle of notoriety catching your eye once more. Luring you into the cave of the beast.
Come to me, sweet little magpie.
Come to me as they all do on time. Come on and face the eternity of your existence. Come on and face the inevitability of your end.
Step up, step up for a chance at the Grand Prize!
Slay the dragon and become immortal!
Enjoy the carnival of our chosen profession, try every horse on the carousel. Round and round we go, spinning ever onward, ever faster...around and around and around. Climb up the ladder, walk across the diving board, jump through her every hoop. Tuck and roll for the perfect ten. A nice round number.
CANNONBALL!
The water's fine. The water's always fine.
Until you remember that you've never been able to swim. They cheered then. They scream now. Watching you drown, dragged under, kicking and screaming against the tide. Rolling in the deep, ensnared by the jaws of death and defeat.
Spin your wheels, burn your cogs, the clock continues to tick your life away.
A familiar feeling for us both Fiona.
And in those final moments, you see the same end as those before you have seen.
The end of all things.
The end yet to come.
My end.
The perfect end, a perfect ten.
The end of an eternity in which you have been consigned to a motionless oblivion. A sweet dream, a sweeter lie, told and retold by each of the fallen. Live in one moment, die in ten - that's life, Fiona.
Burn in one moment, bury in ten - that's death Fiona.
Those are the only choices as time marches on, each passing second bring you closer to the end.
The perfect end to your life's work, your life story.
The one you see in your sweetest dreams and broken by the most bitter and most familiar of all realities, we all have to face one day when we are called to cross paths with the reaper.
The reality of an end in which you leave with nothing.
Dying as you have lived, I suppose there is some comfort in that for those who choose to find it.
And they will find it Fiona, in your memory...
And they will find it Fiona, in my legacy...
We both will...
You see Warren close his eyes, bracing himself for what now seemed so inevitable as you see me set the voltage to 460 and lower the electrodes, attaching them to his temples.
You have my envy, you know that, don't you?
Warren screams and every muscle in his body convulses, in direct resistance to his forced restraints. You hear me softly count.
One...two...three...four...five....six...seven...eight...
*****
Under a single white spotlight that shines down upon me from the Heavens, you see me standing.
Still.
Alone.
The Shieldmaiden around my waist, my head bowed for a moment before I look directly at you and speak softly.
And then, there was one...
And she stood alone. A single solitary Diamond shimmering against the darkness. A lone star in the lonely night sky, almost at the edge of the immortality that she had yearned for for as long as she could remember. A smile painted across her lips, and they were left to wonder what she was thinking.
They would never know.
They could never understand.
Her heart continues to beat in spite of it all, and now against their every expectation, finally she stood triumphant.
It's a nice story with an even nicer ending, isn't it Fiona?
But whose story is it? Mine or yours?
Time will tell, it always tells the best stories.
For now though, we shall share it, as we share so many things Fiona. We will share the ring again. We will share the spotlight again. A year ago you stood alone, triumphant. The day was yours, but the night...
The night was mine.
It was back then, and it will be again.
It always has been and it always will be. You are their sun, Fiona, and I am their moon. Caught as I am in each of your endless cycles, rarely eclipsed and never by you. Maybe that will change come Sunday, maybe it will be your day once again - but I wouldn't count on it.
No, those things are best left to the official.
For over two years now, so many have counted you out. I suppose it was only a matter of time before the referees got in on that act too. A popular act, but a tired one - that is the ballad of Fiona McFly. A woman of remarkable resilience, able to reinvent herself on a whim.
Sometimes the noble granddaughter of virtue, other times the outspoken champion of the people.
The very same people who have determined your fate. In making their choices, they have narrowed yours.
Stand or fall.
A beautifully simple choice, and one faced by so many warriors who, like you, stood against the Diamond Dragon with the emerald eyes and the steel prize. Baring their teeth, spitting their venom, and lashing their tongues, resolute to the very end.
Their very end.
You were once among those snakes Fiona, and now here you are again, as close to the eternal abyss as you have ever been. The glint of steel and the sparkle of notoriety catching your eye once more. Luring you into the cave of the beast.
Come to me, sweet little magpie.
Come to me as they all do on time. Come on and face the eternity of your existence. Come on and face the inevitability of your end.
Step up, step up for a chance at the Grand Prize!
Slay the dragon and become immortal!
Enjoy the carnival of our chosen profession, try every horse on the carousel. Round and round we go, spinning ever onward, ever faster...around and around and around. Climb up the ladder, walk across the diving board, jump through her every hoop. Tuck and roll for the perfect ten. A nice round number.
CANNONBALL!
The water's fine. The water's always fine.
Until you remember that you've never been able to swim. They cheered then. They scream now. Watching you drown, dragged under, kicking and screaming against the tide. Rolling in the deep, ensnared by the jaws of death and defeat.
Spin your wheels, burn your cogs, the clock continues to tick your life away.
A familiar feeling for us both Fiona.
And in those final moments, you see the same end as those before you have seen.
The end of all things.
The end yet to come.
My end.
The perfect end, a perfect ten.
The end of an eternity in which you have been consigned to a motionless oblivion. A sweet dream, a sweeter lie, told and retold by each of the fallen. Live in one moment, die in ten - that's life, Fiona.
Burn in one moment, bury in ten - that's death Fiona.
Those are the only choices as time marches on, each passing second bring you closer to the end.
The perfect end to your life's work, your life story.
The one you see in your sweetest dreams and broken by the most bitter and most familiar of all realities, we all have to face one day when we are called to cross paths with the reaper.
The reality of an end in which you leave with nothing.
Dying as you have lived, I suppose there is some comfort in that for those who choose to find it.
And they will find it Fiona, in your memory...
And they will find it Fiona, in my legacy...
Well howdy there pardner.