The Joy Luck Club

[Notorious B.O.B.]

“There comes a time in everyone’s life when they ask themselves that one question …”

Where normally the viewers tune in to the evening game stream, those that happened to be close to their phones were greeted to the notification that a certain someone, had just gone live on Facebook.

“I mean,” those tuning in to the feed are immediately greeted with his smiling face as he walks around his living room, a far different view than we’re normally treated. The space is surprisingly large and well lit from a pair of French doors that open onto a patio just outside. Struggling for a moment to get the light just right so as not to white him out, or leave his blind, Bob finally settles himself down on the couch.

“from a purely existential perspective, one has to, invariably, consider as they get older the question of just when, if ever, did I eat corn?”

There’s a rather pregnant pause as though waiting for the laughter emojis to start flying across the screen. Save for a few ‘lol’ comments, the humor ends up being a huge hit and miss. He shrugs, smirks, and continues undeterred.

“Meh, they all can’t be comedy gold, people.” He chuckles to himself a bit, “I bet Will would have thought that one was funny for what it’s worth though” he adds, checking briefly to see if the Pitbull was one of the current viewers. While he didn’t see his name, he did see the chant that was starting to fill the live stream.

“Johnny Fuckboy, huh?” he said with a small snort, all hope for a modicum of professionalism gone out the window. “Well, I don’t know if I’ve ever heard a more accurate description of a guy – or one more deserving of the kind of attention he’s getting. Though,” he shrugs, “if you ask me, Gillmen … Gilmore … whatever his name is, he doesn’t need to be trampling flags to let people know he’s a piece of shit – we’ve known that for a while now, eh.

Nah, ol’ John-boy has a new thing goin’ on and I’m not going to be the one to cramp his style just yet. Especially,” he says with excitement, “since I’ve got some bigger fish to fry this week.

Well,” he laughs, his free hand moving to the back of his neck where it begins to rub, “I say fry like I’ve got some kind of ‘ill intent’ goin’ on. Fact of the matter is that this main event,” a smile spreads across his face, “this is a thing of beauty. I mean, seriously, when’s the last time you saw four guys like us in the ring together outside of,” he pauses, actually trying to think of a time, “like, maybe an Extinction Event? See,” he sits forward on the couch, reaching for something, “most people think of IWF as a mountain of sorts.” He stops speaking for a moment; his eyes moving from the lens to the screen as he taps his thumb on the camera icon, switching to the rear facing camera. The fans see the piece of paper and sharpie that he’d reach for moments ago. “So this mountain,” he continues, drawing a literal mountain on the paper, “I guess you could call it a pyramid too if you liked,” he adds, “but it’s filled with everybody who works for the company. Now, oh wait,” he says, drawing a smaller triangle off in the distance, “can’t forget about the Diamonds; they get their own pyramid mountain thing over here. Tell you what,” he mutters, scrawling a name at the top of the mountain, “don’t care what anybody says, Eternity is the name at the top of this one in my opinion.

But anyway, back to the men’s mountain. See, at the top of that mountain is gonna be your Imperial champ.” He writes the name Cable at the apex of the triangle. “Then down here,” he taps at the base, “these are going to be your Thunder Sid’s and Afro American Rob Diamond’s – the kind of guys who will never, and not by lack of effort, make it off the bottom. Everyone else,” he starts swirling the marker around the interior of the triangle, “they’re somewhere in here, but where depends entirely on them.

You look at a guy like Andrew Jacobsen and a few years ago he’s probably somewhere about here;” he taps an area just above Sid’s name, “but fast forward to now and,” he makes a rising whistle as the marker climbs through the triangle, stopping just shy of the top … just below Cable’s name.

“If you would have told me that the guy I beat however many months ago it was when I was Cruiserweight champion would be where he is today, I’d have laughed. But, Jesus, there’s no denying Andrew has worked his ass off to get to this stage.

See, most of you guys still tune in each week hoping that I’m gonna just sit and talk shit about my opponents; I’m not in the business of making locker room bulletin board material. No, I learned my lesson when I turned off my brain and let my stream of consciousness take over when I put Fiona on blast; wasn’t focused on the task at hand and it didn’t turn out the best for me.

But this isn’t me being nice for the sake of diplomacy; nah, you ask anybody out back what they think of AJ and they’ll tell you the same thing. There isn’t a guy like him in this company. That isn’t to say that we don’t have nice guys working here; hell, I’m partnered up with one of ‘em this week. All I’m saying is that you don’t go from here to here by burning bridges and cutting corners,” he indicates the climb once more from the bottom to the near top.

“Jacobsen has been wrestling some of the best matches of his life lately. If there’s anybody out there who can knock ol’ Arcane on his ass, it’s Andrew.

Yeah, yeah, yeah” he says with a chuckle, the camera shifting back to the front facing camera to show him rolling his eyes. “I know what you’re thinking, ‘what’dya mean Jacobsen’s going to beat Cable? Why not you?’

Well, for starters, what the hell have I done lately to warrant leaping into the Imperial title scene?” He stares at the camera and blinks for a few seconds to allow the rhetorical question to sink in. “Seriously, if a guy like Spike Kane who has, for all measures, been at the top of his game with no appearance of slowing and hasn’t bothered to give Arcane a second glance or bothered with the Imperial title around his waist, then where does that leave me?

I love Spike, for better or worse, and he and I have been through hell and back. Sure, I’ve won a few of our encounters through the years – but by and large I have no problem admitting the fact that Spike’s a better wrestler than me.

I don’t try and hang my hat on being the ‘best in the world’, why bother when all it takes is just three seconds and someone else becomes the best that night.

Spike, Cable, they’re two of the best – hands down – but that doesn’t make either of them infallible.

Through some trickery and bull-shittery, Cable learned that being ‘the best’ was more important to Noah Field than it was to him. Punk stopped at nothing to be the best only to flake under the pressure and vanish with nothing more than a whimper.

But yeah,” he continues, scratching his cheek, “Cable said some stuff and hit home this week. Yes,” he groans, “I know I should bother watching, reading or listening to anything my opponents have to say but the guy is charismatic, even though he can be a dick. But he hit the nail on the head, I am a glorified mid-carder. I work hard each and every week and,” he shrugs, “this is where I am. But I don’t sit here and feel sorry for myself because I’m not wrestling main event guys like Roberto Verona, Rob Diamond or the Ace each week.

But the rub is that guys like that, they’re legends in this company not because they’ve always wrestled in the main event. They’re cornerstones because they’ve always made the most of their situations. It didn’t matter if they were wrestling for the Imperial title or no title at all … its just a shame that its taken me this long into my career to realize this.

I’ve probably pissed away more opportunities than other guys get in their whole careers. If I hadn’t been such an insufferable prick, I could have, maybe” he adds with a wink, “been at the same level that Cable is; but what separates the both of us has less to do with ability, and more to do with attitude.

I get it, he doesn’t care that we love him, hate him, whatever – the man doesn’t lose sleep over the lamenting of sheep.

But there’s something to be said for caring, bud. I care what you guys have to say and what you think; you’ve always been my sounding board, been there to listen to me bitch about random PUGs, horrible fucking RNG, and all the work related bullshit that I’ve been through the last few years.

You guys are a part of me, and I’m thankful that you’ve made me a part of your lives.

I don’t need to go all Terminator two and learn to love like Cable, I gots it right here with all of you!

So Imma keep on doin’ me and let Cable do what he does and maybe just maybe,” he chuckles, “somewhere down the line, ol’ Mr. Arcane will see what happened when a few thousand friends all get together with a single goal in mind –

Maybe then he’ll see that it doesn’t matter if you think you’re the best, ‘cause I’ll have three seconds that’ll say otherwise.

Me and Jayson,” he shrugs once more, “we might be dwelling in the middle of this IWF mountain right now, but things change around here pretty quick. Guy’s who make that quick rise seem to burn out and vanish;

Dre?

Judas?

Noah?

Most people barely remember Judas Aliah, let alone Dre Cutler, but both were pegged to be the ‘next big thing’. Of the three, only Noah actually became the new hotness for a minute or two.

Guys like me and Jayson, we’re on the slow burn track; working our way up slowly. See, we appreciate every win we get because we understand the hours of training that it took to get it.

Someday,” he smiles, “someday I’m going to hold that Imperial title above my head, but I’m not looking at this baby as a consolation prize,” he flips the camera around to show the Invictus title sitting on the couch beside him. “Hell no, I earned this baby through dedication and perseverance; no way I’m going to treat it like a glorified stepping stone Noah did.

No, I’m enjoying my ride up the mountain while most of the rest of these guys are worried more about their trip back down.

And you know what,” he pauses, trying in vain to hide the grin on his face, “that crack about being like Jason Todd …” he says, his head now cocked to the side, “nobody like Jason Todd; hell, Alfred probably wanted to take a crack at the brat with a crowbar. Me and Jayson may be nothing more than sidekicks to some people, and if that’s true I think Marvel is home to our counterparts.

Me? Bucky Barnes is the guy I’d hang my hat on. Dude started out doing things for the right reasons. Got his hands dirty because it was all part of the job and before you know it his life went to hell. He’s got a laundry list of mistakes that he made and a lifetime of regret to boot; but he doesn’t quit. No matter how many people have written him off, given up on him, he doesn’t quit. Bucky would take that crowbar like a fucking champ too.

Jayson, well,” he smiles, “I thought a little too hard about this and in the end there’s only one sidekick that fits Jason’s personality and dedication; Lucky the Pizza Dog. I’m not going to explain this one to you and rob you of the chance to read up on what has to be one of the greatest pairings in comic history. Seriously, get off your butts right now, go down to your local comic book shop and grab the Matt Fraction run on Hawkeye … you’re welcome!

Alright, so I have no idea how long this Facebook: Live thing is supposed to go for but I’ve probably exhausted it for one go, eh? I’ll see you guys tonight for a little Overwatch; ‘till then, be safe!”